Hurricane Humor

[gulfsouthla]

List of things That Hurricanes Gustav and Ike Taught Us.

An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.
When house hunting, look for closets with lots of leg room.
AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need (think batteries).
Chainsaw-wielding-men are nothing to be afraid of.
You can't spell "priceless" without I-C-E.
Gasoline is a value at any price.
Candlelight is better than botox — it takes years off your appearance.
No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive.



You know the music, now sing these lyrics.....


All right stop, evacuate and listen
Ike is here with some big ambition
People, close your homes up tightly
It’s blowing like a hurricane daily and nightly
Where will it stop? Yo-I don't know
Turn off the lights and let’s go
To the coastline Ike rocks like a vandal
Start up the car and watch me drive like an animal

Dang, hardware store sales boom
Ike’s killing my plans like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, evacuate they tell me
Anyone left will be charged with a felony
Love it or hate it, you better get away
Ike will hit the bull's eye, the storm don't play
If you’re on vacation, Yo, Ike stalled it
Check out the eye while the bands revolve it

Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby

Now that the people are jumpin’
With their stuff packed up and the gas done pumpin'
Quick to the road, to the road no fakin’
Pass McD’s get a burger with bacon
Burnin’ ‘em and follow the symbol
I go crazy when I hear some imbecile
Revving, in a souped up Pinto
Now I can roll, it's time to crack the window
Rollin’ in my Chevy Tahoe
With my window down, I can feel Ike blow
My laptop’s on standby, Waiting for some Wi-fi
This spot hot? No – and I gotta fly
Kept on pursuing to the next block
I busted a left and I'm beating the clock
The light was red

Yo -- so I continued to I-37 to San Antonio
Wish I was there in a blink like a jeanie
How I’d love to be sippin’ a martini
Jealous 'cause my girl’s living fine
She left yesterday and was there by nine
Ready to give my homies a call
My homies acting ill because their car just stalled
Humidity, the air is sticky as hell
Ike’s on his way, the weatherman yells
Moving toward the gulf coast real fast
I’m in my car, can’t give it no gas
Bumper to bumper the interstate’s packed
I'm trying to get away before Ike attacks
Police on the scene, what can it mean?
They hooked me up, now there’s another lane free
If you’re on vacation, Yo, Ike stalled it
Check out the eye while the bands revolve it

Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby
Hurricane Ike Ike Baby, Hurricane Ike Ike Baby

Yo man, let's get out of here! Word to your mother!


Top 10 Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
2. Candles

And... the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!