Funny 911 Calls (warning: long posts)

[weatherlover427]

Here are some funny and interesting 911 calls:

You Gotta Hand It to Him
Michael Murray's hand was so damaged that he knew that he needed help - so he called 911. When the paramedics and the police arrived at his apartment in Albany, New York; they were a litt;le suspicious of Murray's explanation of his hurt hand. He claimed that he had cut it mowing the lawn. The only problem with his story was that it was during the April Fool's Day snowstorm of 1997 - and the guy lived in an apartment. Afetr a little investigation, the police determined that Murray had in fact been involved in a botched robbery of a convenience store earlier that day. During the course of the robbery, Murray had struggled with the clerk and the shotgun that he was carrying had went off, blasting away part of his hand. The one-armed bandit was arrested and taken to jail. ou can count how many years Murray got in prison on one hand - in this case, you have to.

Actual 911 Report
"Where can I get rid of my Christmas tree?"

Ordering Takeout
Dispatcher: Energency line.
Woman: Hello, emergency police department? Um, I have someone out here that's going crazy. And they need to be taken away because they can't drive their self to the hospital.
Dispatcher: They can't drive themself to the hospital?
Woman: That's right.
Dispatcher: What kind of hospital, a mental hospital?
Woman: Yeah.
Dispatcher: Can you drive him to the hospital?
Woman: No.
Dispatcher: Is this a firned or a relative?
Woman: No, it's me! And my parents wobn't take me, is what it is.
Dispatcher: Well, call a taxi.
Woman: No, they have an emergency ... this is an emer ... they have an emergency take-away service.
Dispatcher: Who?
Woman: Every city has an emergency take-away service, miss.
Dispatcher: Not this city.
Woman: Fine. Thank you.
Dispatcher: You're welcome.

Friction Burns
The voice on the other end was that of a small boy. He had called the emergency center in Charlotte, North Carolina, to0 report fire. When the dispatcher asked for his name, the little boy ung up the phone. Glancing at the display screen, the dispatcher dialed the number where the call had originated. A woman answered the phone and the officer asked her if there was a fire on her property. The woman was a little confused by the call but calimed that there was no fire. The officer explained that the 911 center had received a call from a young boy at her address reporting a fire. The woman assured the police officer that there was no fire but that as soon as she hung up, "There's going to be a fire on my son's backside."

Actual 911 Report
"Can you unplug the coffeepot that I left on at my house?"

Just Calling to Brag
Dispatcher: Sheriff's office, may I help you?
Man: Yes, can I have the officer in charge, please?
Dispatcher: Okay, there aren't any deputies in here. What we'd have to do is take a name and a message or a number and have one of the sergeants call you ... they're on the road. This is a communications building.
Man: "Okay, I just ... I'm the guy who robs all your stores in Lakeland and I'm just letting you guys know that you ain't ever going to catch me, you stupid punks!"
Dispatcher: Okay.

Like Father, Like Daughter
Dispatcher: 911, what's the address of your emergency?
Male Caller: My daughter is suicidal, and she just left walking from Pebble Creek.
Dispatcher: What does she look like?
Male Caller: She has brown hair and she's 5 months pregnant.
Dispatcher: About how tall?
Male Caller: Oh, she's about my height.

An Everyday Occurrence
Dispatcher: Emergency.
Man: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I dialed Information.
Dispatcher: No, sir. That would be 411.

This Earthquake Has Been Scheduled For Your Convenience
During the Loma Prieta earthquake of October 17, 1989; a male called the communications center time and time again asking the same question: "When will the next aftershock hit?" The caller was told repeatedly not to tie up the emergency lne with questions that couldn't possibly be answered. He became more and more impatient with each call of "When will the next aftershock be?" until finally one fed-up dispatcher responded, "We've scheduled one for about five minutes from now, hang on!"

The TV's Okay - But You're Busted
Man: Yeah, hi, is this 911?
Dispatcher: Yes, it is.
Man: Yeah, listen now. If someone comes into my house, uh my fiancee, and takes my TV and sells it while I go out to get some rolled tacos, now, can you get her busted for that?
Dispatcher: What city are you talking about, sir?
Man: She took my TV and sold it out of my house.
Dispatcker: Okay, let me get you the police department.

Actual 911 Report
"I left my car in a ditch and I'm now at home. Can I get an officer to stop by my car and grab the presents I left in it and bring them to me?"

Repeat Offender
It was a mystery that even the ingenious Ms. Marple couldn't figure out. Why was someone repeatedly dialing 911 without speaking to the dispatcher? It could possibly be a silent cry for help - someone who was unable to speak. When Boynton Beach, Florida police rushed to the apartment of Barbara Marple, they solved the riddle for the recurring rings. Barbara, a 23-yearold supermarket employee, denied making the calls. After some deductive reasoning, the detectives quickly surmised who the culprit was. It wasn't Ms. Marple and it wasn't the butler (there wasn't one this time). It was Kitten! Not a bleach-blond bimbo, but a calico cat named Kitten. Police discovered the cat in the bedroom with its paw on the redial button. But the phone wasn't programmed to dial 911. The cat had pawed out 9, then a 1, then another 1 - then continued hitting the redial button. The kitty culprit was collared and later cuddled by Ms. Marple, whose only explanation of the cat's activity was "She was probably trying to call my mother in New Jersey." Hmm, a likely story.

Deductive Reasoning
Little Girl: Yeah, I need some help.
Dispatcher: What's the matter?
Little Girl: With my math.
Dispatcher: With your mouth?
Little Girl: No, with my math. I have to do it. Will you help me?
Dispatcher: Sure, where do you live?
Little Girl: No, with my math.
Dispatcher: Yeah, I know it. Where do you live, though?
Little Girl: No, I want you to talk with me on the phone.
Dispatcher: No, I can't do that. I can send someone out to help you.
Little Girl: Okay. Um.
Dispatcher: What kind of math do you have that you need help with?
Little Girl: I have, I have take-aways.
Dispatcher: Oh, you gotta do the take-aways?
Little Girl: Yeah.
Dispatcher: All right, what's the problem?
Little Girl: Um? You have to help me with my math.
Dispatcher: Okay, tell me what the math is.
Little Girl: Okay, sixteen...
Dispatcher: Yeah?
Little Girl: ...take away eight.
Dispatcher: Uh-huh.
Little Girl: Is what?
Dispatcher: You tell me. How much do you think it is?
Little Girl: I don't know, one?
Dispatcher: No. How old are you?
Little Girl: I'm only four.
Dispatcher: Four?!
Little Girl: Yeah.
Dispatcher: Yeah. What's another problem? That was a tough one.
Little Girl: Um. Oh, here's one. Five take away five.
Dispatcher: Five take away five. And how much do you think that is?
Little Girl: Five?
Mother: Charleen, what are you doing?
Little Girl: This policeman is helping me with my math.
Mother: What did I tell you about playing on the phone?
Dispatcher: *to someone* It's probably her mother.
Little Girl: You said when I need help to cll somebody.
Mother: I didn't mean the police!