During college, in my fraternity house, it was "pledge trade night" (one of the sororities came over with their pledges..each pledge of theirs got a "Pledge Father" from us, and now it was OUR turn to be subjected to questions by the sisters to see who we, as frat pledges, would get as a "Pledge Mother").
The "name" I had already been given by my future brothers was "Sketch", for obvoius reasons; when my turn came, the ladies all cried out in unison,
"AND HOW LONG IS YOUR PENCIL?"
Waiting until the laughter subsided, I softly replied...
"It's now how long you make it; it's how you make it long." (read: OWNED!!!)
Therefore, the critical answer of the day has to be...PENCIL.