"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Uproar over tax break for "big babies"

By Deepa Babington

ROME (Reuters) - Italy's economy minister has sparked uproar by offering "big babies" a tax break if they let go of their mother's apron strings and left home.

More than a third of Italian men over the age of 30 live at home with their parents, a phenomenon blamed on sky-high apartment rents and bleak job prospects as much as a liking for mamma's cooking.

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Who are the "big babies" anyways?
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'Naked Lunch' may be banned in Maine

GREENVILLE, Maine (AP) - "Naked Lunch" just doesn't sound appetizing to some people. A sandwich called the Skinny Dip, featuring sliced prime rib in a baguette roll, has been offered free of charge anyone willing to plunge naked from The Black Frog Restaurant's dock into a lake.

Since the free sandwich offer was introduced three years ago, owner Leigh Turner has found plenty of takers. "We've had two or three a week," he said.

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What would you do for a Skinny Dip?
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Bird fertility boosted if sex expected

DALLAS (Reuters) - Fertility rates in birds can get a lift if the male anticipates that a sexual encounter is just around the corner, researchers from the University of Texas reported on Thursday.

The unorthodox study involved 28 male quails, 14 female quails, and two chambers: a green one near a noisy room and a white one on an isolated table.

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And what does this prove?
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Cop uses BB gun to save 'jarhead' skunk

CARROLLTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - These are the salad days for one lucky skunk. Officer James Kellett said a skunk whose head was stuck in an empty salad dressing jar wandered into the police station's parking lot Thursday in Carrollton Township, near Saginaw and about 80 miles north of Detroit.

Kellett wanted to serve and protect the white-striped weasel, but wasn't interested in any resistance — spray or otherwise. So he grabbed a BB gun used in hunters' safety courses and shot at the jar from about 40 feet.

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And who's head was it? Pepe LePeu's!

[TexasStooge]

Gives new meaning to getting a house "on time"

By Peter Murphy

ABIDJAN (Reuters) - Poor punctuality is such a brake on Ivory Coast's economic development that the West African country has come up with a novel way to combat tardiness: win a house if you demonstrate you can turn up on time.

Backed by President Laurent Gbagbo and devised by a local public relations firm, "Punctuality Night" kicked off at eight o'clock sharp Saturday night, rewarding business people and civil servants for exceptional timekeeping.

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Yeah, but are they REALLY gonna give him a house?
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Golden retriever nurses stray kitten

STEPHENS CITY, Va. (AP) - A stray kitten has found a new mother in a golden retriever, who began producing milk for the gray tabby after hearing its cries.

The hungry kitten, found in an old tire at a concrete plant, refused to drink from a bottle and her rescuers feared she would die. That's when Honey, the family dog who hadn't given birth in 18 months, stepped in with her motherly instincts.

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See, animals REALLY do get along.
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Rare blue diamond breaks world record in HK sale

HONG KONG (Reuters) - One of the rarest gems in the world, a flawless blue diamond, has sold for US$7.98 million (3.91 million pounds) at a Sotheby's auction in Hong Kong, making it the most expensive gemstone in the world, per carat, sold at auction.

After intense bidding, the 6.04 carat, internally flawless blue diamond fetched $HK61.9 million (3.91 million pounds), or US$1.32 million per carat. The price smashed a 20-year-old record held by the "Hancock Red" -- a red diamond, which fetched US$926,000 per carat at the time, Sotheby's said.

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That's no ordinary blue diamond...unless they get emdedded in grillz.
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Man wins contest with 1,524-lb. pumpkin

HALF MOON BAY, Calif. - An Oregon man won the annual pumpkin weigh-off here, presenting a gigantic gourd that came it at 1,524 pounds. Thad Starr, of Pleasant Hill, Ore., set a contest record with the pumpkin. He'll get $6 a pound, bringing his winnings to $9,144.

"It's the thrill of the victory," Starr said after his pumpkin came out on top. "And it's the fruition of a year's work."

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Hey Charlie, did anyone ever tell you that "It's a Great Pumpkin"?
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China's richest person is 26-year old woman

BEIJING (Reuters) - The twenty-six year-old daughter of a rags-to-riches property developer is China's wealthiest person, with a $16 billion ( 7.8 billion pound) fortune, Forbes magazine said on Monday.

Yang Huiyan shot to the top of the China Rich List after the firm her father founded floated on the Hong Kong stock exchange in April, creating five billionaires at once.

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Kinda rare though.

[TexasStooge]

"Passionate" kiss lands art lover in court

MARSEILLE, France (Reuters) - A self-professed art lover stood trial on Tuesday accused of damaging a $2-million painting by kissing it while wearing red lipstick.

The deputy prosecutor in the southern French city of Avignon accused the defendant, Sam Rindy, of "savagery" for having left a lipstick smear on the work by U.S. artist Cy Twombly, and demanded the court fine her 4,500 euros ($6,320).

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OK, giving a piece of artwork a big wet slobby kiss is--um--kinda wrong.

Besides, if you kiss an inanimate object, it doesn't kiss you back.
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Hospital gives man drip-feed of vodka

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) - Doctors plugged an Italian tourist into a drip-feed of vodka to save him at a hospital in Australia that ran out of the medicinal alcohol it would normally have used for treatment.

The 24-year-old Italian, who was not further identified, was brought to Mackay Base Hospital in northeastern Queesland state and was diagnosed as having ingested a large quantity of ethylene glycol, a common ingredient of antifreeze that can cause renal failure.

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Is it gonna do any harm or any good in the next few months?
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A bad relationship can cause heart attack?

By Michael Kahn

LONDON (Reuters) - It has been the stuff of great romantic novels and blockbuster films. Doctors have long suspected it. A study of 9,000 British civil servants has at last established it is possible to die of a 'broken heart'.

The study, reported in the Archives of Internal Medicine, found the stress and anxiety of hostile, angry relationships can boost the risk of developing heart disease. Chances of a heart attack or chest pain rose by 34 percent compared to people on good terms with a spouse or partner.

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If you're not careful, that can be the case.
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Top-ranked chicken eater loses his crown

By RYAN NAKASHIMA, Associated Press Writer

LAS VEGAS - Two hot dog eating champs faced an upset — not of the stomach variety — when a Chicago culinary arts student trounced them in eating chicken wings.

Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti skinned champion Joey Chestnut and staved off a comeback by Takeru Kobayashi to win the chicken wing "Chowdown" for Spike TV.

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OK heartburn...kick in.

[TexasStooge]

High tech shop trolleys could help watch waistlines

By Peter Griffiths

LONDON (Reuters) - Supermarket shoppers may soon be cruising the aisles with "intelligent" trolleys that warn them if they're buying too much junk food, technology experts say.

While many would be happy enough if they could simply get their trolley to go in a straight line, the high-tech model will be fitted with a computer screen and barcode scanner.

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It works...especially on kids.
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Dog saves family from fire blamed on cat

GREENVILLE, Maine (AP) - Thumper, a black Labrador retriever, is getting credit for saving a Greenville man when a fire swept through his home.

Roland Cote said his wife and their 7-year-old grandson were away when the blaze started early Sunday in a converted two-story garage. He said Thumper grabbed him by the arm to wake him, leaving just enough time for him to dial 911 before fleeing the fast-moving fire.

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Living proof that animals know what's going on more than humans.
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Woman seeks rich husband, banker says "crappy" deal

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Deal or no deal? An online exchange between a woman looking for a husband who earns more than $500,000 a year and a mystery Wall Street banker, who assessed her potential for romance as a business deal, has cause quite an Internet stir.

The anonymous 25-year-old woman recently posted an ad on the free online New York community Web site Craigslist, http://newyork.craigslist.org, appealing for advice on how to find a wealthy husband.

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"Deal or No Deal?"
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Lawmaker wants snuff ban in Ark. House

By ANDREW DeMILLO, Associated Press Writer

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) - A lawmaker said Wednesday she'll try again to clean up the House rules that ban a cup of water on a desk but allow a day's worth of tobacco juice.

Rep. Pam Adcock said she will propose next week a ban on chewing tobacco from that chamber's floors or committee rooms. Adcock contemplated seeking the ban during a committee meeting earlier this year and said she would push for a state law in the 2009 session banning chewing tobacco throughout the Capitol.

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Quit chewing tobacco with...more tobacco.

[TexasStooge]

Don't make me use this whistle on you...

MANILA (Reuters) - The Philippines is starting to give its 110,000 policemen a makeover, trying to make them more like friendly neighbors than their current hard man image, the new national police chief said Thursday.

Avelino Razon also said he has ordered police officers to stop wearing expensive jewelry, such as gold necklaces, bracelets, and rings, to remove suspicions they were corrupt.

For a start, Razon, said he has ordered 500 police officers to patrol the streets of the capital Manila with a baton and whistle. He has barred them from carrying assault rifles and has said handguns should be used only as a last resort.

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Try getting air horns, that'll get their attention.
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Boy, 3, obeys law during toy car joyride

OMRO, Wis. (AP) - The candy-apple red Mustang GT is just a toy, but that didn't stop 3-year-old Jordan Will from taking his battery-operated wheels for a brief ride along a busy stretch of highway. Drivers stopped and neighbors chased down the car until an officer could pull over Jordan and his 2-year-old passenger on Sunday.

"Nothing bad happened, so it's kind of cute now when you look at it," said his father, Doug Will. "But at the time, it wasn't cute at all. It was scary. I was really upset."

The Mustang is decked out with all the extras: a rear spoiler, a premium sound system and chrome wheels.

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The kids have done alright...up until they played Slim Thug from their small car stereo.

(Imitating Slim Thug) "Now I gots ta work my Wood Grain Wheel..."
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Gunman severs victim's penis

VIENNA (Reuters) - An elderly Turkish man was arrested in Austria on suspicion of shooting dead another Turk and cutting off his penis because he believed the victim was having an affair with his wife, police said Thursday.

A police statement said the 76-year-old Turk confronted the other man, 58, at a bus stop in Wimpassing near Vienna on Wednesday, shot him at close range, sliced off the man's penis with a kitchen knife and laid it beside him before fleeing.

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Why couldn't he just settle things on a daytime talk show? Probably because it's too easy.

(As Maury Povich) "The Lie Detector test determined..."
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Delivery man spots attacker at hospital

MILWAUKEE (AP) - A pizza-delivery man who sought treatment in an emergency room after being injured in a holdup attempt recognized one of his attackers when the suspect sought medical attention at the same hospital.

The victim, 28, was trying to deliver a pizza Tuesday when a man pointed a gun at him, Milwaukee police said. The Pizza Hut employee grabbed for the gun and attempted to wrest it from the first suspect when a second suspect hit the victim in the face.

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What are the chances?

[TexasStooge]

Drivers kick up stink about "WC" car plates

BEIJING (Reuters) - Some Beijing motorists are flushed with anger over new license plate numbers that contain the letter combination "WC," saying it gives them "unpleasant images."

Along with "OK," "hello" and "bye-bye," the abbreviation for the Victorian "Water Closet," or toilet, has became one of the most well-known English expressions in China.

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Or "WC" could also mean "(The) Weather Channel"
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Fisherman lands record 844-pound shark

DESTIN, Fla. (AP) - Six friends went to a fishing tournament looking to catch some grouper. They caught an 844-pound shark instead.

The fight by Adlee Bruner and friends to pull the 11-foot mako shark onto the boat from the Gulf of Mexico took more than an hour on Saturday. But when they made it back to land, it was a record for the decades-old Destin Fishing Rodeo.

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(Imitating theme from "Jaws")
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That's it, time to start looting!

LONDON (Reuters) -- An asteroid is on a collision course with the earth and you have one hour left to live. What would you do in your last 60 minutes?

Not surprisingly, the majority of Britons questioned in a survey --

(Fast forward)

Two percent intriguingly said they would reach for some fatty food while another two percent decided, with just an hour's life to go, that it was time to start looting.

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Of course they would start looting!
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NBC overhead camera falls onto field

By GREGG BELL, AP Sports Writer

SEATTLE - Talk about bad omens. An overhead NBC television camera mounted on wires collapsed onto the turf during a timeout early in Sunday night's game between the New Orleans Saints and Seattle Seahawks, almost hitting two Seattle players and causing a 10-minute delay.

The Saints had just called timeout with 11:24 remaining in the first quarter when the camera slumped and then fell a few yards from quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and the rest of the huddling Seahawks. After the camera was righted somewhat off the ground, it fell again — and nearly hit Bobby Engram as the receiver was walking to the sideline.

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Seems NBC wants to be part of the action!

[TexasStooge]

Great news! They're stealing our books!

FRANKFURT (Reuters) - The Frankfurt Book Fair has an indicator to help publishers gauge public interest in the new offerings presented at the annual exhibition -- the unofficial "most stolen book" index.

Bild am Sonntag and Germany's ZDF television have come up with lists of titles most stolen from 15 leading German publishers' stands set up in the Frankfurt trade fair grounds.

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OK, I'm confused. Do they steal the books and place them on their shelves?
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Don't read the ingredients on this label

SYRACUSE, Utah (AP) - The water looks clear, but the label on the bottle tells a different story.

"Ingredients," notes the back side of the bottle's label: "Water, fecal matter, toilet paper, hair, lint, rancid grease, stomach acid and trace amounts of Pepto Bismol, chocolate, urine, body oils, dead skin, industrial chemicals (aluminum, copper, zinc, lead, chromium, nickel, molybdenum, selenium, silver arsenic, mercury,) ammonia, ... soil, laundry soap, bath soap, shaving cream, sweat, saliva, salt, sugar. No artificial colors or preservatives. Some variations in taste and/or color may occur due to holidays, predominant cuisine preference, infiltration/inflow, or sewer cross-connections."

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Additional ingredients include: Nuclear waste, cattle waste, pig waste, and chicken waste.
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"Big Brother" restaurant opens to study diners

By Emma Thomasson

WAGENINGEN, Netherlands (Reuters) - Does service with a scowl put you off at lunch? Will you eat more greens if you are surrounded by plants? Does romantic, pink lighting encourage you to linger over your fruit salad?

A new research center -- dubbed the "restaurant of the future" -- at the Dutch university of Wageningen hopes to help answer these questions and more by tracking diners with dozens of unobtrusive cameras and monitoring their eating habits.

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(Imitationg TV announcer) From the creators of "Big Brother 1-8" and "Big Brother All Stars", comes this fall's latest sensation... "Big Brother Diner". They know when kids are not eating their vegetables. They know when other customers are being rude. And they know when a customer next to them gives a little more information than they need to know. You'll experience the , the , the , and the

"Big Brother Diner", coming soon to a restaurant near you. Brought to you by Hamwinkies.
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Teen encounters black bear in kitchen

KENAI, Alaska (AP) - A man awakened by a bump in the night went to investigate and found an intruder, but it wasn't a burglar. Instead, Blaine Harling found himself face to snout with a black bear that had come in through an open window.

Harling, 19, has been staying at the cabin belonging to his grandparents, Vic and Jill Harling. Vic Harling said his grandson was sleeping in the basement Oct. 7 when a noise upstairs woke him.

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Somebody's been eating my porridge, and here he is still eating my porridge!!!

[TexasStooge]

Forget the bloody mary, just give me the blood

HONG KONG (Reuters) - A Hong Kong man who knocked back two vials of blood after a drinking binge has been jailed for two months, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Li Man-yiu, 29, told a court Monday he was "extremely thirsty" when he staggered into a hospital on September 13 for treatment for an injured toe, the South China Morning Post reported.

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He's a vampire, what do you expect?
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Man texting while driving hits train

EUGENE, Ore. (AP) - When Robert Gillespie looked up from his text message, he saw a freight train. EOM. ("End of message," that is, for non-texters.) Eugene police say Gillespie's car crashed into the side of the Union Pacific freight train about 2 a.m. Tuesday.

When officers arrived, they found him alert and talking, but trapped in the car. They learned about the cell phone and text message as they worked to rescue him.

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DWT (Driving While Texting)
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Forgetful doctor left body for 9 days

VIENNA (Reuters) - The body of a 76-year-old woman found dead in her Vienna flat was left there for nine days because a doctor who registered the death forgot to notify a removal service, officials said Tuesday.

The oversight was noticed when neighbors of the deceased woman complained of a worsening stench, said Andreas Flaschner, spokesman for the Austrian capital's disinfection department.

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Seems we got a doctor...(puts on sunglasses)...with altzimers.
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Israeli father of 67 kids seeks 9th wife

By DIAA HADID, Associated Press Writer

EMEK HEFER, Israel (AP) - With eight wives and 67 children, Shahadeh Abu Arrar has given new meaning to the term "family man." Abu Arrar, 58, is a member of Israel's impoverished Bedouin Arab community. But even in a traditional society where men commonly have several wives and many children, Abu Arrar is exceptional.

"I'm thinking about a new wife, No. 9," he told the Israeli daily Yediot Ahronot in a recent interview. "There are many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things."

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Don't you think 1 wife is enough?

[TexasStooge]

And now let's toast schnitzel!

BERLIN (Reuters) - Not enough time to fry your own schnitzel? A German firm has come up with a frozen version that can be cooked in a pop-up toaster in just three minutes.

"We came up with them because increasingly people want something that's convenient," said Dietrich Gumppenberg, spokesman for meat-producer Toennies. "Who has time to go to the trouble of frying something themselves?"

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Life (and schnitzel) in the fast lane.
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Dancing cockatoo loves a boy-band beat

SCHERERVILLE, Ind. (AP) - Snowball the cockatoo can't get enough of the Backstreet Boys. The 11-year-old medium sulfur-crested cockatoo lifts his legs, squawks and bobs his head, flashing his bright yellow crest to the beat of the boy band's "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)." He even takes a bow with a vigorous bob of his head at the end of the 1997 pop tune.

When Snowball was given to a bird rescue shelter a few months ago, the man included the CD and instructions to watch his reaction.

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Well, now we know his music preference.
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Suspect says he killed, not ate, his girlfriend

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican writer suspected of frying and eating pieces of his ex-girlfriend after strangling her has confessed to murdering the woman but denies being a cannibal, a government prosecutor said on Tuesday.

Police burst into Jose Luis Calva's Mexico City apartment last week and found fried human flesh on a dining table set with cutlery. They found more flesh in the refrigerator and an unfinished book by Calvo called "Cannibal Instincts."

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Seems he may be living his book.
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NYC woman finds python in the toilet

NEW YORK (AP) - There was no Halloween bogeyman in the closet for one Brooklyn woman — just a 7-foot-long python in her toilet. Nadege Brunacci was washing her hands in her bathroom before dawn Monday when she glanced back and saw the slithering serpent peeking out from her toilet, most of its body hidden in the pipes.

"I turned on the light and screamed," Brunacci, 38, told the New York Daily News. "It still makes my heart race."

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That's a bathroom break she'll never forget.

[TexasStooge]

Ferry crews warned against smoking pot

By Allan Dowd

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - Transportation investigators warned on Wednesday that marijuana use by ferry crews on Canada's West Coast was a clear risk to public safety, but the head of BC Ferries Corp said the government should require mandatory drug testing.

The Transportation Safety Board issued a warning note to BC Ferries saying it had learned that several crew members on the ferry Queen of the North, which sank last year after running into an island, "regularly smoked cannabis between shifts, both on board and off the vessel."

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It's about freakin' time!
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Police allegedly hang quadriplegic man

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Jurors ruled the city of Pasadena must pay $80,000 to a quadriplegic man who sued because police officers allegedly jerked him out of his wheelchair and hung him upside down to search him.

Cornell Greathouse sued the city and four police officers for assault, battery, false arrest, false imprisonment, excessive force, intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy and negligence.

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That's not smart. There are better ways to deal with a quadraplegic.

Speaking of Lawsuits...
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Florist sued for $400,000 over wedding flowers

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New York couple sued a florist for $400,000 for using the wrong color flowers at their wedding -- a mistake the newlyweds said caused them "extreme disappointment, distress and embarrassment."

Elana and Toby Glatt had requested $465 centerpieces in "deep and dark colors of fuchsia, rust and green."

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And now, they're gonna sue Taco Bell, 'cause they ate 1/2 a million chalupas, and now they're fat.

[TexasStooge]

The wedding's off -- see you in court!

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Instead of walking down the aisle of a church, a former New York couple will traipse down the aisle of a court room to settle a fight over a $48,800 diamond engagement ring.

Dean Kuehnen Jr. is suing his ex-fiance, Andria Castellano, to compel her to either return the ring or give him cash -- as well as cover his legal fees and costs, according to the complaint filed in New York State Court.

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Geez! All that over a ring. Just get one from a Cracker Jack box!
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After fight, airport embraces SUX code

SIOUX CITY, Iowa (AP) - City leaders have scrapped plans to do away with the Sioux Gateway Airport's unflattering three-letter identifier — SUX — and instead have made it the centerpiece of the airport's new marketing campaign.

The code, used by pilots and airports worldwide and printed on tickets and luggage tags, will be used on T-shirts and caps sporting the airport's new slogan, "FLY SUX." It also forms the address of the airport's redesigned Web site — http://www.flysux.com.

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Well, that's a little truth in advertisement to some people, who said "Flying Sucks".
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Brits less popular after Europeans get to know them

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A poll of Europeans showed people of different nationalities liked each other more after getting to know each other, except in the case of the British -- who became less popular.

A project organized by the Notre Europe think tank brought together 362 citizens from 27 EU states for two days of deliberations in Brussels last weekend.

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Go figure!
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Wis. city bans archery in Archery Park

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. (AP) - The city's Archery Park may need a name change. How about No-Archery Park?

Tom Draper was surprised recently when he found a sign that cited a city ordinance prohibiting bows and arrows.

"Several archers that I've talked to are kind of in disbelief," Draper said, who along with his bowhunting friends have practiced archery at the park for more than 20 years.

[urlhttp://real-us.news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071020/ap_on_fe_st/odd_no_archery_park]Full Story Here[/url]
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After reading further into the story, the Archery Park was closed due to a frivolous complaint. So, you know what, I'm gonna have the City of Irving shut down the annual Water Wars, 'cause a dozen water guns shot me, and I got wet....but you know I'm not gonna go that far.

[TexasStooge]

Children play with high-explosive shell

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Children played with a high-explosive World War Two shell at a playground in the Dutch town Barneveld for months before authorities were warned and removed it, Dutch police said Sunday.

The police called in a unit specialized in clearing explosives, which detonated the shell in a safe area on Saturday.

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And when were they planning on telling the authorities? Never?
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Parrot imitates fire alarm, saves family

MUNCIE, Ind. (AP) - A noisy parrot that likes to imitate sounds helped save a man and his son from a house fire by mocking a smoke alarm, the bird's owner says.

Shannon Conwell, 33, said he and his 9-year-old son fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. They awoke about 3 a.m. Friday to find their home on fire after hearing the family's Amazon parrot, Peanut, imitating a fire alarm.

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What an amazing Parrot!
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Looking for attractive people? Don't go to...

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, a survey of visitors and residents showed on Friday.

The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the "America's Favorite Cities" survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News.

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And to think that's the city of Brotherly Love. Go figure.
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Chinese man, 106, marries woman, 81

BEIJING (AP) - Call it a November-December romance. A 106-year-old man and an 81-year-old woman were married in a city in southeastern China, a state news agency reported Saturday.

Pan Xiting met his bride Chen Adi eight years ago, and she has taken care of him since then, the Xinhua News Agency reported. Their former spouses died years ago.

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I guess age doesn't matter in this marriage.

[TexasStooge]

Gives new meaning to "going in the car"

TOKYO (Reuters) - If you're stuck in traffic when Mother Nature calls, Japan's Kaneko Sangyo Co. has developed the loo for you.

The manufacturer of plastic car accessories drew back the curtain on Tuesday on its new portable toilet for cars.

The toilet comes with a curtain large enough to conceal users and a plastic bag to collect waste.

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Wow! A logical idea for those stuck in traffic in the middle of nowhere.
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Wis. man finds 3.92-ct white diamond

MURFREESBORO, Ark. (AP) - A Wisconsin man digging at an Arkansas diamond park with his fiancee Tuesday found a 3.92-carat white stone, but the rock will go into his collection because his betrothed already has a ring and a setting.

Eric Blake, 32, of Appleton, Wis., spotted the stone along a trail at the Crater of Diamonds State Park when he set down a 70-pound bucket of mud that he was carrying to a wash basin. "I put the bucket down to switch hands. I looked down and there it was," Blake said.

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Another day, another person's trash, another person's treasure
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Woman in wheelchair takes highway shortcut

BERLIN (Reuters) - An 81-year-old German woman driving to a cemetery in her electric wheelchair decided to take a shortcut and drove the wrong way down a highway.

The wheelchair had been traveling at about four miles per hour. Vehicles on German motorways must clock at least 37 miles per hour, and there is no upper speed limit on some sections.

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Is she going to someone else's funeral or her own?
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WA state troopers named best dressed

By CURT WOODWARD, Associated Press Writer

OLYMPIA, Wash. - It's a look that lead-foot drivers know all too well: the crisp black bow tie and blue "Smokey Bear" hat of a Washington State Patrol trooper.

And according to a national trade group, the outfits are the best-looking state police uniforms in the country.

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(As Smokey the Bear) "Only YOU can prevent wardrobe malfunctions."

[TexasStooge]

Prostitutes sew lips together in Bolivia protest

LA PAZ (Reuters) - Prostitutes in the Bolivian city of El Alto sewed their lips together on Wednesday as part of a hunger strike to demand that the mayor reopen brothels and bars ordered closed after violent protests by residents last week.

"We are fighting for the right to work and for our families' survival," Lily Cortez, leader of the El Alto Association of Nighttime Workers, told local television.

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Hold up! If they sewn their lips together, how can they speak about this issue? Or can they?
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Looking for an excuse? Company has many

By ANGELA K. BROWN, Associated Press Writer

THACKERVILLE, Okla. - Feeling like playing hooky, but nervous about getting caught? The Excused Absence Network has got your back.

For about $25, students and employees can buy excuse notes that appear to come from doctors or hospitals. Other options include a fake jury summons or an authentic-looking funeral service program complete with comforting poems and a list of pallbearers.

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HMMM...maybe something to think about this Saturday Night if I'm asked to babysit the same night I'm going to the Halloween Party.
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Town changes street name over Viagra jibe

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The Dutch town of Breda has decided to rename a new street that was to have been called St. Fiacrius court after people started calling it Viagra court.

The town council changed the street's name to "Hofhage" after people about to move into a planned housing development there complained about the negative associations of living in a street with a name that sounds like the popular impotence drug.

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Well, it's about time!!
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Mom helps cheerleaders grab boys' beer

By OSKAR GARCIA, Associated Press Writer

OMAHA, Neb. - A woman let her teenage daughter lean out of a moving van to take beer from a vehicle that was driving alongside on a southeastern Nebraska highway, authorities said Wednesday.

Terry Kisling, 47, of Hickman, was driving the van of high school cheerleaders to a football game in Nebraska City earlier this month when a group of boys pulled up next to them in a sport-utility vehicle, Norris High School principal John Skretta said.

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That's just plain cruel.

[TexasStooge]

They sound more like zombies than sleepwalkers...

LONDON (Reuters) - A surge in naked sleepwalking among guests has led one of Britain's largest budget hotel groups to re-train staff to handle late-night nudity.

Travelodge, which runs more than 300 business hotels in Britain, says sleepwalking rose seven-fold in the past year, and 95 percent of the somnambulants are scantily clad men.

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Sometimes Sleepwalkers can cause Insomnia.
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Pair get hitched at Ohio haunted house

BEREA, Ohio (AP) - As well-wishing zombies and witches looked on, a couple got married at the haunted house where they work.

Tina Milhoane, 22, and Robert Seifer III, 24, exchanged vows Wednesday at the entrance to the 7 Floors of Hell haunted house's outdoor cemetery.

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You know, love is kinda crazy with a Spooky little wedding like this.
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Dead man loses fingers despite carrying ID

TIRANA (Reuters) - A dead man's fingers were cut off for identification in Albania even though he was carrying identity papers and his killer confessed.

Police confirmed a media report that shocked the family of the victim, who had returned to Albania to marry his fiancee.

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More than likely, the suspect was given a "finger".
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Violin case music to boy's safety

LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) - Now there's at least one 10-year-old boy who doesn't mind taking violin lessons. Police said the boy was walking to school holding his violin case when a vehicle sped through a crosswalk and hit him.

Witnesses said the case took most of the impact, and officer Mark Worthing said the boy suffered only cuts and bruises after the accident.

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Save the Music and the Music will Save you.

[TexasStooge]

Gene switch altered sex orientation of worms

By Julie Steenhuysen

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Altering a gene in the brain of female worms changed their sexual orientation, U.S. researchers said on Thursday, making female worms attracted to other females.

The study reinforces the notion that sexual orientation is hard-wired in the brain, said Erik Jorgensen, scientific director of the Brain Institute at the University of Utah.

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Freaky!
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Clinton, Giuliani top picks for costumes

By The Associated Press

Once again, Hillary Rodham Clinton leads in a poll. This time, she was top choice when people were asked which major 2008 presidential candidate would make the scariest Halloween costume.

Asked about costume choices, 37 percent in an Associated Press-Ipsos survey this month chose New York Sen. Clinton, the front-runner among Democratic presidential contenders. Fourteen percent selected former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who leads Republicans in national polls.

No other candidate exceeded 6 percent.

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All that Guliani's costume needs is Hair. I wonder where I can get it from? HMMMMM...
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Lock of "Che's" hair sold at Dallas auction

By Ed Stoddard

DALLAS (Reuters) - A lock of socialist revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara's hair and related items were auctioned on Thursday in Dallas to a Houston-area bookstore owner for the very capitalist sum of $119,500.

The curious collection had belonged to Gustavo Villoldo, 71, a former CIA operative who helped hunt Guevara down in the jungles of Bolivia in 1967 and who claims he cut off the lock before burying the guerrilla fighter with two of his comrades.

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How "hairy" can this story get?

Speaking of auctions...
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2 meteorites get little auction action

By RICHARD PYLE, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Two of the world's most famous meteorites failed to attract buyers at an auction Sunday, while an ordinary metal mailbox zapped by a falling space rock in 1984 was sold for the unearthly price of nearly $83,000.

A 30-pound chunk of the Willamette Meteorite, which was found in Oregon in 1902 and has been steeped in ownership controversies for more than a century, was offered by Bonhams auction house at an estimated value of $1.3 million but was withdrawn from sale after bidding ended at $300,000.

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Because everyone's interested in Che's lock of hair.

[TexasStooge]

He's not undead, just unsober...

BERLIN (Reuters) - Passengers on a German train mistook a Halloween reveler dressed up as a gore-covered zombie for a murder victim and called the police.

The 24-year-old man fell into a drunken slumber on his way home from a Halloween party in Hamburg, police in the northern town of Bad Segeberg said Monday.

Believing his hands and face were smeared with blood, passengers alerted police after getting no response from him.

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Don't judge too quickly...I won't.
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Couple dead serious about selling house

WEXFORD, Pa. (AP) - It's the deal of a lifetime.

Bob and Ricki Husick of Pittsburgh are offering anyone who buys their home a full refund when they die.

The Husicks have been trying to sell their suburban home for almost a year, but have failed to do so in the current shaky market.

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I've heard of "dead serious", but that's overkill.
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City lights 'longest' firecracker string

BEIJING (Reuters) - A city in China's central Hunan Province set off a 20 km (12.4 mile) string of firecrackers this week -- despite failing to persuade Guinness World Records to verify the event, the Xinhua news agency said on Saturday.

The string of firecrackers stretching from Dayao Town to Liuyang City, China's biggest firecracker producer, exploded for 68 minutes, littering the ground with debris and touching off an explosion of criticism from newspapers across the country.

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Now THAT's a story guaranteed to set off fireworks.
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Baby giraffe named in honor of Red Sox

BOSTON (AP) - To honor the Red Sox four-game World Series sweep of the Colorado Rockies, staff at the Franklin Park Zoo on Monday named a baby giraffe "Sox."

In a statement, Zoo New England President and Chief Executive Officer John Linehan said the staff chose the name because of the female calf's long, lanky legs.

Other names considered were "Red," "Fenway," "Champion," and "Boston."

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You could also name him "R. Sox", because there's also Chicago White Sox.

[TexasStooge]

Teenager escapes prison in suitcase

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 19-year-old German woman has escaped from prison by hiding in a friend's suitcase.

The fugitive hid inside the large case when her 17-year-old fellow inmate was released from the youth prison in northwest Germany on Friday, Lower Saxony ministry spokesman Dennis Weilmann said on Monday.

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Sonovagun!!!
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Woman claims pet-sitter made her pig fat

WINONA, Minn. (AP) - A woman wants abuse charges filed against an acquaintance who was pet-sitting for her potbellied pig and allowed the animal to get fat.

Michelle Schmitz said her pig, Alaina Templeton, weighed 50 pounds when Schmitz left her with a co-worker who offered to care for the animal in February, when Schmitz went on medical leave to recover from ankle surgeries.

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What are you saying? The Pig is already fat.
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Iraqi fisherman nets shark 160 miles from sea

NASSIRIYA, Iraq (Reuters) - A two-meter shark has been caught in a river in southern Iraq more than 200 km (160 miles) from the sea.

Karim Hasan Thamir said he was fishing with his sons last week when they spotted a large fish thrashing about in his net. "I recognized the fish as a shark because I have seen one on a television program," he told Reuters.

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What are the chances of catching a shark?!?!?!?!
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Traffic stop yields embalmed heads

ROYSE CITY, Texas (AP) - A traffic stop in Texas yielded about two dozen embalmed heads. But it's no Halloween joke. Investigators said the human heads had been used for medical training in the Fort Worth area and were being returned to Little Rock, Arkansas.

Hunt County Justice of the Peace Aaron Williams was summoned during a traffic stop Sunday in Royse City after a trucker was suspected of speeding.

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Very spooky.

[TexasStooge]

Airline brings lovers down to earth

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - Singapore Airlines, the first operator of the new Airbus A380, has dashed the hopes of sexual thrill-seekers planning to engage in amorous activity aboard the world's biggest jumbo jet.

The carrier said it would ask passengers on the A380 to refrain from sex while ensconced in one of its 12 first-class suites, which boast the world's first airborne double beds.

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Only for married couples.
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Cheney: Being Darth Vader not so bad

By BEN FELLER, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - The joke's on Vice President Dick Cheney. Apparently, around the White House, they're OK with that. As he launched into a health-care speech Wednesday, President Bush warmed up his audience with a nod to Halloween, at Cheney's expense.

"This morning I was with the vice president," Bush told a gathering of grocery manufacturers. "I was asking him what costume he was planning. He said, 'Well, I'm already wearing it.' Then he mumbled something about the dark side of the force."

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So the Dark Side is among the White House.
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Jailed mobster makes baby from behind bars

NAPLES (Reuters) - One of Italy's most infamous mobsters has fathered a daughter more than two decades after being jailed for life without the right to conjugal visits.

The miracle of sorts is thanks to a legal battle that allowed Raffaele Cutolo, a former boss of the Naples-based Camorra crime organization, the right to father a child through artificial insemination.

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Hopefully he'll make a transition from a mobster to a father.
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Kitna regrets 'naked coach' costume flap

By LARRY LAGE, AP Sports Writer

ALLEN PARK, Mich. - Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna and his wife dressed up as a naked man and a fast-food drive-through attendant at a teammate's Halloween party, depicting an embarrassing moment for one of the team's assistant coaches.

Now Kitna is getting some flak on local TV and in a newspaper column. Kitna said he was just trying to have fun, but regrets the scrutiny the costumes created.

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Uhhh....OOPS!!!!!

[TexasStooge]

Yeah, we call it our chainsaw sea view...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German retiree secretly cut down or shortened 122 trees in a publicly owned forest to give his holiday cottage a clear view of the Baltic Sea, police said Thursday.

The 70-year-old Hamburg resident told police he had felled 56 trees with a chainsaw and left only the bottom four yards of 66 others, mainly copper beech, oak, ash and wild cherry trees.

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Move to a Beach-side house.
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Dog, cat honored for saving masters

By RICHARD PYLE, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - When Debbie Parkhurst choked on a piece of apple at her Maryland home, her dog jumped in, landing hard on her chest and forcing the morsel to pop out of her throat. When the Keesling family of Indiana was about to be overcome by carbon monoxide, their cat clawed at wife Cathy's hair until she woke up and called for help.

For their nick-of-time acts, Toby, a 2 1/2-year-old golden retriever, and Winnie, a gray-eyed American shorthair, were named Dog and Cat of the Year by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

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I think the pets (and their masters) desrve a "Get Outta Hamwinkies Free" card.
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Historian finds oldest recipe for bratwurst

BERLIN (Reuters) - A hobby historian has discovered the oldest known recipe for German sausage, a list of ingredients for Thuringian bratwurst nearly 600 years old.

According to the 1432 guidelines, Thuringian sausage makers had to use only the purest, unspoiled meat and were threatened with a fine of 24 pfennigs -- a day's wages -- if they did not, a spokesman for the German Bratwurst Museum said Wednesday.

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And I found the oldest recipe for Hamwinkies, dating back to....................................2005.