"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

Chat about anything and everything... (well almost anything) Whether it be the front porch or the pot belly stove or news of interest or a topic of your liking, this is the place to post it.

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#41 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Aug 23, 2006 6:58 am

Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia

OLYMPIA, Washington (AP) - A fierce group of raccoons has killed 10 cats, attacked a small dog and bitten at least one pet owner who had to get rabies shots, residents of Olympia say.

Some have taken to carrying pepper spray to ward off the masked marauders and the woman who was bitten now carries an iron pipe when she goes outside at night.

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:crazyeyes: I'm just glad I don't live in that area.
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To freshmen, Google was always a verb

By DINESH RAMDE, Associated Press Writer

BELOIT, Wis. - For most teens starting college this fall, disposable contact lenses have always been available, wars and revolutions have always been televised, and a stamp was rarely needed for communication.

Born in 1988, incoming freshmen grew up knowing only two presidents, searching for Waldo and eating dolphin-free canned tuna.

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Not surprising
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N.Y. priest protests $115 parking ticket

By KAREN MATTHEWS, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - A mission of mercy at a hospital turned costly for a priest who violated the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not park illegally. The Rev. Cletus Forson, of St. Andrew the Apostle Church in the Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn, was ticketed last month when he responded to an emergency call from a parishioner afraid her mother would die without receiving the sacrament of the sick.

Forson is now protesting the $115 parking ticket, although city officials seem unlikely to absolve him.

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Give this Priest a break!
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#42 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Aug 24, 2006 10:59 am

Pregnant Spears ad too "stimulating" for metro

TOKYO, Japan (Reuters) - Tokyo's subway has refused permission for an advertising poster featuring a nude and heavily pregnant Britney Spears, branding it "too stimulating" for young people.

The picture of the pop singer -- nude but covering her breasts with her arms and crossing her legs at the knee -- appeared in the August issue of Harper's Bazaar and will be on the cover of the magazine's Japanese edition in October.

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All it's missing is K-Fed yelling "Po-Po Push".
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Cows 'moo' with an accent, farmers believe

LONDON (Reuters) - Cows have regional accents, a group of British farmers claims, and phonetics experts say the idea is not as far-fetched as it sounds.

Lloyd Green, from southwest England, was one of a group of farmers who first noticed the phenomenon.

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I got a cat that meows like Tarzan!
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Watch the road, not the countryside, warns survey

LONDON, England (Reuters) - Ignore that stunning view and keep your eyes on the road because admiring beautiful scenery or dramatic buildings is putting drivers at risk, according to a survey released Thursday.

Research found that 27 percent of drivers were distracted by breathtaking countryside such as the Lake District while 12 percent said their eyes wandered to admire famous landmarks.

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Here we go again with another research done by a paranoid scientist.
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Councilman shoots man in face

By BOB GREENE / WFAA ABC 8

GLENN HEIGHTS, Texas - A Glenn Heights city councilman was arrested after admittedly shooting a man in the face Thursday morning.

Police said Glenn Heights Councilman Tony Brown shot Luis Rosales, 33, while struggling over a gun in a northeast Dallas apartment complex.

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Sheesh! When will people like him GROW UP?!?!
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#43 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:48 am

Air marshals to go native; dress code relaxed

By Deborah Charles

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The armed undercover officers who protect U.S. airlines against attack no longer have to fear being overdressed. They've been told they can ditch their suits for outfits that blend in with their fellow travelers' attire.

The director of the Federal Air Marshal Service relaxed a strict dress code and some of other rules on Thursday, addressing gnawing problems at an organization that has expanded quickly since 2001 but been plagued by poor morale.

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Sounds fair.
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Auditor a glutton for punishment

BEIJING (Reuters) - A 25-year-old auditor in China apparently ate and drank himself to death while he was supposed to be inspecting a government department, a state newspaper said Friday.

Zhang Hongtao went to many banquets organized by a power company in northern China's Hebei province in April, and instead of working did little else but eat, drink, play cards and enjoy massages, the official China Daily said.

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And another Darwin Award goes to...(drumroll)...Zhang Hongtao!!
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#44 Postby rainstorm » Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:24 pm

OLYMPIA, Washington (AP) - A fierce group of raccoons has killed 10 cats, attacked a small dog and bitten at least one pet owner who had to get rabies shots, residents of Olympia say.

Some have taken to carrying pepper spray to ward off the masked marauders and the woman who was bitten now carries an iron pipe when she goes outside at night.


i killed a possum in my garage once. very scary
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#45 Postby TexasStooge » Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:00 pm

Warsaw mermaid has chest covered for Miss World

WARSAW (Reuters) - Warsaw's symbol, a half naked mermaid, will have her chest covered on a poster promoting the Miss World competition after the original version was judged too erotic.

"The way the artist drew it first, one of her breasts was covered and one wasn't," said Tadeusz Deszkiewicz, director of Warsaw's promotion bureau. "The combination was very erotic."

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Uhhhh.................OOOOPPPPSS!!!!
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Man shot in robbery turns from hero to prisoner

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - A Brazilian waiter who was shot in the leg trying to prevent a street robbery turned out to be a convicted robber on the run and was arrested, police said Friday.

"What started as an apparent altruistic act had a quite unexpected finish. The waiter, considered until then a hero, turned out to be a convicted runaway," a police spokeswoman said.

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Uhhhhhhh...............another OOPS!
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#46 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:53 am

Man throws phone 292 feet to win contest

HELSINKI, Finland (AP) - Ever heard of the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship? It was held in Finland this weekend. Old phones were supplied for contestants who were allowed to pick which kind of phone they wanted to throw.

The men's winner threw his phone 292 feet. The women's winner tossed her phone 167 feet, a new world record according to the organizers. She said she has tossed a cell phone a time or two before.

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So that's where the old phones on the recycling bin go...
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128 students suspended at Ind. school

HAMMOND, Ind. (AP) - Classrooms were a little less crowded at Morton High School on the first day of classes: 128 students were sent home for wearing the wrong clothes.

Fed up with inappropriate outfits, the principal suspended the students for one day Wednesday, minutes after doors opened at the school. Those suspended represent more than 10 percent of the 1,200 total students.

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What a heck of a way to start the school year!
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Father-son team set watermelon records

CONVERSE, La. (AP) - A father-son team from this Sabine County town broke the state watermelon record three times in one summer, with melons adding up to a total weight of 677 pounds.

The really big buster, at 252.4 pounds, was cut from its vine Friday in front of two witnesses from the Louisiana Department of Agriculture and Forestry.

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Oh yeah, well you're not stealing my thunder! I got the biggest Hamwinkie in town!
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Switch off TV and switch on your memory

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Turning off the television, picking up a crossword and eating more fish could be the key to a better memory, an Australian survey has found.

Results of the on-line survey of almost 30,000 people, conducted as part of Australia's science week, also found people who read fiction had better memories than those who don't, while heavy drinkers found it more difficult to recall names.

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Guess that fits my profile.
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Overweight? Asthmatic? Australia's army wants you

By Paul Tait

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australia will likely lower recruitment standards to let overweight people and mild asthmatics join up as it tries to boost troop numbers to combat regional instability, the nation's top soldier said Sunday.

Prime Minister John Howard last week unveiled a A$10 billion ($7.6 billion) plan to add two new battalions, or 2,600 troops, to the Australian army despite falling armed forces numbers.

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Oh, great! Put more 'at risk' peaople at risk! :roll:
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#47 Postby rainstorm » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:06 pm

TOKYO, Japan (Reuters) - Tokyo's subway has refused permission for an advertising poster featuring a nude and heavily pregnant Britney Spears, branding it "too stimulating" for young people.

The picture of the pop singer -- nude but covering her breasts with her arms and crossing her legs at the knee -- appeared in the August issue of Harper's Bazaar and will be on the cover of the magazine's Japanese edition in October.

this time she may have gone too far
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#48 Postby TexasStooge » Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:47 am

Bank to woo customers with ATM roulette game

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japanese banks have long had a reputation for poor service but at least one is trying something new -- wooing customers with an opportunity to try their hand at Lady Luck.

A roulette wheel pops onto the screen of automatic teller machines when customers of Ogaki Kyoritsu Bank Ltd finish transferring funds. A lucky spin and the customer wins 1,000 yen ($8.50).

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Lots of luck!
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Only women need apply for traffic police

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russia is to create its first women-only traffic police unit because commanders believe they are less corrupt than men, a newspaper reported Monday.

The male-dominated traffic police routinely forgive traffic violations in exchange for bribes. Many believe this culture helps make Russia's roads among the world's most dangerous: about 35,000 people are killed in accidents each year.

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Interesting...
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Japan police plan new anti-crime tactic: rewards

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japanese police plan for the first time to offer cash rewards to people who provide information that helps them solve serious crimes.

The reward system is expected to be introduced by March 2008 as part of "urgent security measures" to combat crimes like murder and robbery as well as offences committed by syndicates and foreigners, a police spokesman said Tuesday.

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Well, it's about time.
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#49 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:37 am

Inmates shave heads to mop up oil spill

By Pedro Uchi

MANILA (Reuters) - Thousands of prisoners have been shaving their heads and chests to donate hair to help mop up the Philippines' worst oil spill, officials said Wednesday.

The collection was in response to a nationwide drive by the government to amass tonnes of hair and feathers to absorb more than 200,000 liters of industrial fuel that leaked from a tanker when it sank off the central island of Guimaras on August 11.

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About time some inmates did something productive for a change.
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Mooove slowly and don't hug cows, hikers told

By Laura MacInnis

GENEVA (Reuters) - Keep your distance. Avoid eye contact. And even if it looks cute, never hug a Swiss cow.

Responding to numerous "reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle" along Switzerland's picture-perfect Alpine trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules.

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And whatever you do, do not feed them Hamwinkies.
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Microsoft investigates leak of "Office" videos

TORONTO (Reuters) - Software giant Microsoft Corp. said on Tuesday it was investigating how two in-house training videos made by British comedian Ricky Gervais, creator of 'The Office' television series, appeared on two Web sites.

The videos, which popped up on YouTube and Google Video this month, were commissioned by Microsoft in 2004 as "a light-hearted way of getting our staff to think about the values they attach to working at Microsoft," a spokeswoman said.

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I like to watch "The Office"...the British version.
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#50 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:17 am

One thing airplane passengers don't want to see

OTTAWA (Reuters) - The pilot of a Canadian airliner who went to the washroom during a flight found himself locked out of the cockpit, forcing the crew to remove the door from its hinges to let him back in, the airline said Wednesday.

The incident occurred aboard a flight from Ottawa to Winnipeg Saturday. The regional jet, capable of carrying 50 people, was operated by Air Canada's Jazz subsidiary.

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:eek:
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Las Vegas ends late-night wedding-license service

By Alexandria Sage

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Las Vegas bills itself as "the wedding capital of the world," but late-night revelers who decide they want to tie the knot now must wait until morning.

The county's marriage-license office, as of Wednesday, will be closed between midnight and 8 a.m., when much of Las Vegas is still very much alive.

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This just goes to show you, Weddings and High-Speed don't mix.
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#51 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:19 am

Mercurial dangers for Voodoo followers?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Ritualistic use of toxic mercury by followers of Voodoo and other religions is dangerous but regulating it could drive the practice underground and possibly violate U.S. guarantees of freedom of religion, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said on Thursday.

Mercury can be worn in amulets, sprinkled on the floor, or added to an oil lamp as part of some Latino and Afro-Caribbean practices including Santeria, Palo, Voodoo, and Espiritismo, according to the EPA's inspector general.

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Mercury is dangerous.....well...DUH!!!
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Home alone, and back again, for sleeping beauty

SOFIA (Reuters) - A sleeping teen-ager flew home to Bulgaria and then back to Malta after aircrew apparently failed to notice she was still on the plane.

Maria Ilieva, 17, was traveling alone and fell asleep on an Air Malta plane taking her overnight from Valletta to Sofia.

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Coming soon to a theatre...and an Airport near you: "Sleeping Beauty 2".
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#52 Postby rainstorm » Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:51 pm

CONVERSE, La. (AP) - A father-son team from this Sabine County town broke the state watermelon record three times in one summer, with melons adding up to a total weight of 677 pounds.

The really big buster, at 252.4 pounds, was cut from its vine Friday in front of two witnesses from the Louisiana Department of Agriculture and Forestry.

wow
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#53 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Sep 04, 2006 3:54 pm

Paraglider lands in minefield

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli man was stuck in the middle of a minefield near the Syrian border Saturday after crashing his paraglider and severely injuring himself.

The unidentified man took off from a peak in the Golan Heights and drifted east toward the Syrian and Jordanian borders before crashing in the minefield, injuring his legs and breaking several bones, rescue services said.

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This guy almost could've been given a Darwin Award.
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Priests asked to shame drunk drivers

WARSAW (Reuters) - Prosecutors in overwhelmingly Catholic Poland have asked priests to read out the names of drink-drivers from the pulpit as part of efforts to reduce the country's high road death rate.

Church leaders have not said yet whether they will support the scheme, aimed to shame drivers into sobriety.

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That sounds like a good idea. That and the "Over the Limit, Under Arrest" ad campaign may prove a point.
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#54 Postby TexasStooge » Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:27 am

Here's the Texas Edition of Hamwinkies:
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Fumes fill Lewisville apartments; one dead

By CYNTHIA VEGA / WFAA ABC 8

LEWISVILLE, Texas — An apartment complex was evacuated early Tuesday morning after poisonous carbon monoxide fumes drifted through one of the buildings. One man was found dead.

Firefighters were called to the Lakepointe Apartments on Hebron Parkway in Lewisville around midnight by a woman who said she was feeling ill.

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You're not supposed to leave a car running overnight in the garage!
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Pit bulls attack blind woman's seeing-eye dog

By CAROL CAVAZOS / WFAA ABC 8

FORT WORTH, Texas — A blind woman was recovering Monday after she and her guide dog were attacked by a pair of pit bulls while waiting for a ride to church Sunday morning.

A woman known to neighbors as "Miss Shirley" was standing with her dog on the sidewalk waiting for her ride to church when the attack occurred.

The curb on Bridalwreath Drive bears tire marks from a car that Tyrone Whitlow drove up to intercede.

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YIKES!!
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Little league football team still waiting for jerseys

By MARY ANN RAZZUK / WFAA ABC 8

RICHARDSON, Texas - The Richardson Little Rams ordered their football jerseys back in July. But the small team with a big league name now has a major league headache.

Two games into the youth football season, players are still waiting to proudly wear their new uniforms. The jerseys, made overseas, are being held at Los Angeles Airport customs.

"The fear from somebody in customs is that this is a copyright infringement, it's a knockoff," said Rams' coach Jeff Tokar. "But this is obvious; this is nothing like any NFL jersey, and it's not even the colors of the NFL St. Louis Rams."

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OK, if it's copyright infringement, why is Houston Middle School allowed to use the Houston Texans logo?
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#55 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Sep 06, 2006 7:00 am

Your chance to be just like Cher

By Jeremy Lovell

LONDON (Reuters) - Fashion icon and award-winning singer and actress Cher is clearing her Malibu home of its Gothic contents and reshaping her life in a giant garage sale.

Following a trend set by rock star Elton John, Cher is selling off nearly 800 items from stage costumes to gem encrusted jewelry, works of art, furniture and even a huge Hummer car in an auction expected to raise more than $1 million.

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I think it's about time.
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Graveyard thieves choose tombstone over flowers

NICOSIA (Reuters) - Cypriot police are looking for graveyard thieves who did not settle for their normal booty of flowers and went for the tombstone instead.

Authorities are investigating why thieves would want to remove a heavy marble slab off a family tomb. Its disappearance was noticed by a relative who had gone to tend to the grave.

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Authorities are investigating why thieves would want to remove a heavy marble slab off a family tomb.

Because they're more expensive and they wanna sell it for drugs.
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Squirrel in spokes floors cycling opera singer

HELSINKI (Reuters) - A squirrel scampered into the bicycle wheel of an unlucky Finnish opera singer, causing him to fall, knock himself out and break his nose just ahead of the world premiere of a new opera.

Esa Ruuttunen was pedalling his way to the Helsinki Opera House last month when the squirrel ran into his spokes.

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Maybe that squirrel hates his opera. :lol:
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#56 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:42 am

Banker wins back millions in salsa dance case

By James Pomfret

HONG KONG (Reuters) - A high-profile Hong Kong banker and ballroom dancing fanatic won a lawsuit Wednesday against her Salsa instructors, who were ordered to return HK$62 million (US$8 million) dollars for lessons she never took.

Monica Wong, the 61-year-old daughter of a shipping tycoon and head of HSBC's private banking business in Asia, said she'd agreed to pay HK$120 million to dance teachers Mirko Saccani and his wife, Gaynor Fairweather, for unlimited private lessons and competitions from 2004 till 2012.

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Now THAT'S desperate!
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Telephone telepathy - I was just thinking about you

NORWICH (Reuters) - Many people have experienced the phenomenon of receiving a telephone call from someone shortly after thinking about them -- now a scientist says he has proof of what he calls telephone telepathy.

Rupert Sheldrake, whose research is funded by the respected Trinity College, Cambridge, said Tuesday he had conducted experiments that proved that such precognition existed for telephone calls and even e-mails.

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"Yeah, I've been thinking about....HEY, weren't you hte one that broke up with me 5 years ago?!"
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Artist hammers out world's largest nail mosaic

By Benet Koleka

TIRANA (Reuters) - Albanian artist Saimir Strati has hammered tens of thousands of nails into a wooden board over the past 24 days to create a portrait of Leonardo da Vinci and the world's biggest nail mosaic.

"I can officially confirm that we have a new record for the largest nail mosaic of eight square metres," Guinness World Records adjudicator Scott Christie said late on Monday.

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It's Hammer Time!

(Imitates beat from "Super Freak") "Can't touch this. :lol:
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#57 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Sep 08, 2006 8:10 am

Miami, LA top list of US cellphone chatterers

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Look who's talking! People in Miami and Los Angeles chat on their cell phones more than any other Americans, according to a survey of cell phone use in major cities.

People in Miami make and receive an average of 298 calls a month -- an average of 9-10 calls daily -- while Angelenos talk second most, averaging 260 calls per month, a survey of Verizon Wireless users found.

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Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.................
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McDonald's wins "McCurry" war in Malaysia

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - U.S. burger chain McDonald's Corp has won a five-year legal battle against a tiny Malaysian eatery called "McCurry," persuading a judge that passers-by might confuse it with the fast-food giant.

The 24-hour open-air restaurant serves spicy fish-head curries, tandoori chicken and other Indian delicacies on a street corner in the capital, under a large "McCurry" sign.

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I would hate think what McCurry is serving up...
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#58 Postby rainstorm » Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:26 pm

LONDON (Reuters) - Fashion icon and award-winning singer and actress Cher is clearing her Malibu home of its Gothic contents and reshaping her life in a giant garage sale.

Following a trend set by rock star Elton John, Cher is selling off nearly 800 items from stage costumes to gem encrusted jewelry, works of art, furniture and even a huge Hummer car in an auction expected to raise more than $1 million.


no thanks
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#59 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:03 am

Italian recluse taken from apartment after 26 years

MILAN (Reuters) - When Italian health officials came to remove a woman from the apartment she has not left in more than two decades they had to don respirators against the stench, newspapers reported Sunday.

The woman, named only as "Carmela," was in her late 50s, weighed about 30 kg (66 pounds) and had hair two metres (seven feet) long when officials came to take her to hospital, La Repubblica, Il Giorno and La Stampa newspapers reported.

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Just when things couldn't get any stranger.....Oh, that's sad.
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Tanning salons give color to Chinese yuppies

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - Chinese office manager Ye Lu likes working up a sweat -- not in the gym, but in a tanning salon.

"Tanned skin looks great on me and I like to hear my friends saying how fresh and healthy I look," said Ye, a young Chinese white collar worker, as he walked out of a tanning room in downtown Shanghai, perspiration glistening on his forehead.

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Well, whatever they wanna do, I don't have a say in this.
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#60 Postby TexasStooge » Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:55 am

Raccoon forces student to miss homework

LARGO, Fla. (AP) - Stephanie King had to tell her music teacher that a raccoon was to blame for her missing homework. "I explained that the raccoon fell from the ceiling in my bathroom and it ran into my bedroom," the 13-year-old seventh grader at Osceola Middle School told the St. Petersburg Times.

"Animal control came out to get it and they couldn't catch it and they said we couldn't go in my room."

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Stay tuned for tonight's special: "When Raccoon's Attack"
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Electric man electrocuted

HANOI (Reuters) - A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks has been electrocuted while repairing a generator, an official said Tuesday.

Nguyen Van Hung, aged in his early 40s, was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said.

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And the Darwin Award goes to...Nguyen Van Hung!
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Fish kills spear-fishing diver

MIAMI, Fla. (Reuters) - A Florida diver shot a large grouper with a spear gun then apparently drowned when the fish sped into a hole, entangling the man in the line attached to the spear, investigators said Monday.

The 42-year-old man, whose name was withheld, was free-diving in about 25 feet of water off the lower Florida Keys Saturday and speared a Goliath Grouper, Monroe County Sheriff's Detective Mark Coleman said.

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And another Darwin Award goes to....Name Withheld.
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Wanted: 20 short actors with hairy feet

LONDON, England (Reuters) - Wanted: 20 diminutive actors who can sing. Hairy feet are a distinct advantage.

Producers of a musical version of "The Lord of the Rings" are looking for candidates to play the hobbit heroes in the epic fantasy based on J.R.R.Tolkien's classic.

"The producers are looking for male and female actors and singers aged between 16-35 who must be under five feet seven inches. Hairy toes and feet are a distinct advantage," a spokesman said Tuesday.

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This musical version of "Lord Of The Rings" is brought to you by...Odor Eaters.
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