GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST

therock1811 · #81 Postby **therock1811** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 4:00 pm

ARRRGGGHHH!!! I'm SICK of these annoying popups!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but they ARE annoying!

EDIT: I can't even type straight! Got so much stuff piling on me, I can't do anything right!!!!

raine · #82 Postby **raine** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 4:42 pm

Okay...if anybody wants to rent my kids for the day you can have them....girl 14, boy 12 and girl 11.

Today I washed my floor, I went to the store, I come home and the girls had made tuna fish sandwiches...I knew that because EVERY single cupboard door was open, the empty tuna can was on the counter, the bread was on the floor, and the dish they made the tuna is was still sitting on the counter with tuna still in it!!

Thirty five thousand dishes in the sink....do they say..HEY let's help mom and wash up these dishes that we made....NOOOOOOOOOOO...they don't.

I come home and again give the speech about I am not a maid, they are old enough to clean up after themselves so forth and so on.they then clean up the kitchen only after I about have a coronary.

I go to pick up my husband from work, gone oh about half and hour.I come home, my kitchen is a diasater area AGAIN!! My son got the cake out, left it sitting on the chair, uncovered with the knife still in it...crumbs all over the floor, mashed on my floor.I call him in..say to the boy..did you get cake crumbs all over the floor...Nooooo mom it wasn't me.Did anybody have cake but you.Noooooo I was the only one to have cake mom....so then you did get the crumbs all over the floor....why didn't you clean up after yourself....OH I guess I forgot.

AAHHHHHHHHHHH....I'm going crazy!!!!! Is it so hard to expect your children who are old enough to clean up afterthemselves????!!!
Should I have to follow behind them and constantly remind them to clean up afterthemselves???!!!

Moms any suggestion about how to get my children(who I do love dearly, they are just slobs!)to clean up after themselves I would GREATLY
appreciate.I don't want to spend my days a hootin' and a hollerin' and nothing else seems to work, at least nothing I have tried.Right now they are grounded, but I feel so bad about that, but I won't let them off the hook.

Thanks for listening....I'm going to take a bath now....AFTER I clean it up!

Blessings, Raine

#83 Postby **streetsoldier** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 6:17 pm

Jackie,

At those ages, watchtowers, barbed-wire fences and guards with machine guns wouldn't help...BTW, you can send the 14-yr-old girl here...we'll be lonely when coppertop's in NJ, and would enjoy the presence of a "surrogate daughter". :wink:

therock1811 · #84 Postby **therock1811** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 6:44 pm

Speaking of kids raine... How's Dakota?

#85 Postby **Stephanie** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 7:56 pm

I saw it with Marty's kids when they were that age and I still see it. Unfortunately, that is something that you probably will have to continue to do. I guess that one way to deal with it is to punish all of them if the kitchen is a mess again - noone is certainly going to admit to messing up the kitchen if they no that they will get punished. This way they MAY feel a sense of responsibility (i.e. guilt) if they make a mess and don't clean up and get his/her siblings in trouble too.

#86 Postby **Pburgh** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 8:17 pm

OMG, you guys are great. You bring back such good memories. I remember the messes. I remember fussing and fuming. My kids have been gone for 15 years. To tell you the truth (Don't tell my kids) - I miss the confusion and mess!!!!!!11

Be consistent. A mess that is made must be cleaned up by the one who makes the mess!!! OR ELSE!!!!!!

Oh my, I make some pretty good messes myself. Take a deep breath, thank God for the wonderful kids you have and CARRY A BIG STICK!!!!!!!!

raine · #87 Postby **raine** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 8:37 pm

You know what is amazing about being a mom...I was soooooo angry this afternoon I was in tears, after I posted my vent I felt really bad, guilty.Tom had a little "talk" with the kiddies , they were quite helpful at dinner time.I left to go to a party at my sisters and when they came up a little later on, Meg told me that they cleaned the house etc.

The amazing part is I can't believe or remember just how upset I was earlier today.

The standing rule now, as per Dad is that whoever makes a mess and does not clean up loses privledges for a WEEK.

Like Steph said, I suppose this is not the first or the last time I will encounter kids and their messes and Karan, your right too, someday they will be grown and on their own and I will wish for these days again.....LOL...though earlier today I was wishing for no mo' messes!!

Ah....cap'n midnight, would that I could loan you a daughter..but I'm afraid that I would be homesick for them inside a day..but hey...LOL...I could use another vacation!! Lambert's Home of the Thrown Bun....my treat fella!!

Blessings, Raine

Oh and Rock...he's doing WONDERFUL!! Back to his oldself again, making messes and the usual boy stuff...today he dismantled a bunk bed that was to go to trash and turned it into a fort!

#88 Postby **streetsoldier** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 8:46 pm

"Lambert's, Home of Throwed Rolls" it is, Jackie....just let me know when to expect you! :wink:

Karan, I've had my fair share of "lemons"...imagine buying an externally beautiful Oldsmobile station wagon, only to have it blow its heads within a week... :o

therock1811 · #89 Postby **therock1811** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 8:46 pm

Well, good to hear something nice...

Miss Mary · #90 Postby **Miss Mary** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 10:24 pm

Oh raine, sure feel for you - I've still there myself, at times.

Suggestions.....well, for starters mine appreciate me more when I'm scarce! For example, each fall I go on a church retreat. I'm not even gone for 48 hours but when I get back I hear - oh, we've missed you. We ate out a lot and we miss your meals. Or the dog was looking all over the place for you Mom. I think I need this trip on a monthy basis, not yearly!! he he

Seriously, consistency is the key, as Karan said. My girls have figured out I'm just a pushover. Dad is the stern one, who won't bend much. Mom will. Little by little I've been more stern, but it's really a joke now - they just give me looks as if to say - is she serious?

We used to all clean each Saturday morning, 9 - noon. And on a regular basis, they helped with the dishes. Tidying up. I don't know what the heck happened to all that. I think the busier they got, the more slack I gave them. Might be the case with your crew. Whatever you do raine, let me know your secret will ya?

Nina complains all the time that she doesn't know how to do laundry and only knows limited cooking skills. Again, how am I to teach her these things when she's off somewhere (dance classes, school activities, club meetings, etc.). I think the time to teach these skills is when they're home a lot - around the age of 6-8. Before they get busy. Now it's a losing battle - okay, we have 20 minutes. Quick, Nina here's how to fry an egg. What we need is a snowday I tell ya - then I'd have time to teach them lots and we could just stay home all blasted day.

Well, look at that raine, your little rant made me rant away!!!! Just mainly wanted you to know I can relate!!! Boy, can I.....

Next.......

#91 Postby **azskyman** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 10:44 pm

Cars and Kids...both supposed to be our best friends and help us through ANYTHING!

Doesn't always work that way. Karan...cars breaking down can be down right scary. There's a commercial on TV where this woman's car breaks down at night. She and her two kids are standing next to it as this clean cut well dressed tow truck driver pulls up and saves the day. He probably kicked in the price of the tow out of his own pocket since he was such a nice guy and just lives to help people out.

In reality...the only thing scarier than a car breaking down at night is that call for help...not knowing if a)anyone will really come and help out, b) if you would be safer in a broken down car than in a tow truck with the guy who arrives to help you, and c) if you'll need to put your house up for collateral just to have them say they will help.

I'm with you...if it keeps on going, hot or not, better to get to a safe haven than take your chance with those odds.

...and now for kids. My boys did a better job around the house if a) they had upcoming plans I could leverage against their responsibilities and b) when there was a certain "fear factor" involved, be it their mother, the TV, or some other thing or event to which they assigned value. Reason and guilt work better now that they are adults...but now and then they need a nudge still. All the more reason why God made doors open and close going both directions and gave our kids strength enough to do both by themselves.

Miss Mary · #92 Postby **Miss Mary** » Wed Jul 16, 2003 11:25 pm

Steve - LOL!!! I'll have to use more of your leverage, so to speak. I would think that would work well with Nina - she's so social these days.

I broke down once on I-75, with Nina along. I was pregnant with Laura, about 8 months along. Nina was almost 3. My car just died. I had time to pull over, way over into the grass almost. I just did not want to open that car door with a 3 year old! So I gathered my things, my keys, etc. and instructed Nina I was going to carry her. She was not allowed to put one foot down. Cars were whizzing by at 60 (now it would be 75). There I was very pregnant, carrying a 2 1/2 year old. And a diaper bag. What a sight I know I was. But I was only a block from a phone, to call hubby. Along came a van with a mom in it. In back was her 2 year old, in a car seat. On the floor were bundles of local community newspapers. She was out delivering papers!!!! She felt so sorry for me - asked if I wanted a ride. I thought, oh what do I do here, this mom looks so harmless. So I go in, put Nina on my lap to hear of course - I'm not in a carseat Mom, etc. I trained her well huh? This mom said, if you weren't a woman and pregnant on top of that, I wouldn't have picked you up. And I said - well, if you weren't a woman and a mom with child on board, I wouldn't have gotten in! She took me one block, to the phone at a convenience store. And ya know, I never even got her name! What a kind thing she did that day.

That's the worst breakdown I ever had. Nina doesn't even remember it!

raine · #93 Postby **raine** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 6:47 am

OMGoodness Mary....that is scary!! I can honestly say I have never broken down with my car or any car with my kids in it..LOL probably because I have never ventured more than two miles from my home! When Dakota was in the hospital in philly, breaking down used to concern me all the time, specially those midnight runs down to relieve Tom or when things went sour..having a cell phone gave me some room to breath, but I don't put alot of faith into those gadgets,travelling down the PA turnpike there are a lot of area where my cell did not get service and there were quite a few "desolate" areas.Put well over 1600 miles on our car during that time and she ran like a champ...you know the funny thing is we never usually get the name of our angels sent from God to watch over us..IE: the lady who gave you and Nina a lift, I think that's the way He wants it

Confession(Karan this thread is a Godsend!!) What really made me feel so bad yesterday was when I lost it on my son.A few weeks ago I almost lost him forever.And there I was wigging out over cake crumbs on my floor...what if he was not here to leave those cake crumbs on the floor?I know that I need to treat him like a normal little boy,Doctor says treat him as you do your other children and don't let him get away with things... but sometimes that line becomes so hazy and then I think that I need to stop sweating the small things in life and just be thankful that I have a son to leave cake crumbs on the floor....and then on the other hand, he should be accountable for his actions....and the line keeps getting hazier and hazier.....HEY how come kids did not come with an instruction manual....who do we see about that??!

Blessings, Raine

Miss Mary · #94 Postby **Miss Mary** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 7:53 am

raine - what I've discovered is you end up treating your children differently, and it just happens naturally. Depending upon their individual needs. That's probably what you've done. With Laura, she has ADD, so I do think we make excuses for her. That irritates Nina no end! With Nina, she wanted out of my arms by 8 months - always on the go. Oh picnics were fun back then - the crawling stage. She didn't care if she was crawling thru a parking lot full of gravel! But that's eons ago. This demand for independence was what she imposed, not what I encouraged! When she'd get sick, it was difficult to comfort her. I couldn't rock her like I did with Laura - who was, you guessed it, a cuddler. Not Nina. I call her hugs - the 30 second hugs. She'll pat me on the back after about 20 seconds, like that's enough now. And that's just her way. So yes I've heaped more responsibility on Nina, she welcomes it! Laura? Oh my, I do think I babied her too much. Now she's 13 and not your average 13 year old. Could go down that road but I'll sum it up this way. One morning recently she came downstairs and said - so, what's for breakfast? Just a mid-week morning. My response - why do I have to make you every single meal (she'll lament at 2 p.m. somedays, I didn't even get a lunch....ah, poor kid, can't even make her own sandwich! LOL)? Nina had been up, walking already, had breakfast, was about to hit the shower. I said Laura, you are 13 now, go get yourself a bowl of cereal!!! I said, it's time to finally realize you're 13 now. Think I muttered something like, she needs to go from 12 to 13. She said - no mom, it's more like going from 4 to 13! Out of the mouths of babes. So I've repeated that many times this summer - Laura, you're not 4 anymore. he he The tools we mothers use. She can do so much independently, but she likes ME to do it. And there you have the problem. Nina just shakes her head at all of this - my crazy family.

So impose more responsibility I'd say raine. I need to stop making ADD Laura's excuse. Let's make a deal - you do it and I will too!!!

#95 Postby **azskyman** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 9:09 am

I was hugging the ground one night in Vietnam as I was caught in a crossfire. Bullets were passing close enough over my head that I could actually hear them go by me.

At that moment...I did what any good 24-year-old teacher from Illinois would do...I prayed outloud to God, promising things I might never be able to live up to...if he could help me get out of that dark place in the sand.

I said I would never ever complain about the little things that go wrong in life...that I would always remember that moment and use it to help others find His way.

Well...I've done a fairly good job (by example I think) in part two of that promise, but boy have I lost it sometimes on things as simple as 'burnt toast."

Open cupboards, messes left, dirty cars, shoes in the hallway, well...you name it, and it's gotten to me at times.

Raine...everyone in your family has had time and space to work through the fear and stress and pain of this summer....except YOU! Guess what...your little outburst was just your way of saying, "I'm entitled to unload some baggage too!"

You don't love your kids less, didn't fail as a mom, and surely don't need to explain the outburst.

But you DO need to realize that there must be time set aside for Jackie, too....not time you steal when you get a chance, but time your family GIVES you. They just need to hear that from you.

Have a better day today. If you need to SHOUT, do it my way. The 2,500 miles between us allows it to seem a lot quieter by the time it arrives here.

j · #96 Postby j » Thu Jul 17, 2003 9:30 am

raine wrote:Okay...if anybody wants to rent my kids for the day you can have them....girl 14, boy 12 and girl 11.

Today I washed my floor, I went to the store, I come home and the girls had made tuna fish sandwiches...I knew that because EVERY single cupboard door was open, the empty tuna can was on the counter, the bread was on the floor, and the dish they made the tuna is was still sitting on the counter with tuna still in it!!

Thirty five thousand dishes in the sink....do they say..HEY let's help mom and wash up these dishes that we made....NOOOOOOOOOOO...they don't.

I come home and again give the speech about I am not a maid, they are old enough to clean up after themselves so forth and so on.they then clean up the kitchen only after I about have a coronary.

I go to pick up my husband from work, gone oh about half and hour.I come home, my kitchen is a diasater area AGAIN!! My son got the cake out, left it sitting on the chair, uncovered with the knife still in it...crumbs all over the floor, mashed on my floor.I call him in..say to the boy..did you get cake crumbs all over the floor...Nooooo mom it wasn't me.Did anybody have cake but you.Noooooo I was the only one to have cake mom....so then you did get the crumbs all over the floor....why didn't you clean up after yourself....OH I guess I forgot.

AAHHHHHHHHHHH....I'm going crazy!!!!! Is it so hard to expect your children who are old enough to clean up afterthemselves????!!!
Should I have to follow behind them and constantly remind them to clean up afterthemselves???!!!

Moms any suggestion about how to get my children(who I do love dearly, they are just slobs!)to clean up after themselves I would GREATLY
appreciate.I don't want to spend my days a hootin' and a hollerin' and nothing else seems to work, at least nothing I have tried.Right now they are grounded, but I feel so bad about that, but I won't let them off the hook.

Thanks for listening....I'm going to take a bath now....AFTER I clean it up!

Blessings, Raine

I'm probably not the right one to ask...but I'll relay what I did and the consequences of my actions. I'm a step dad that basically hangs in the background and lets my wife deal with her kids. I offer my help only when asked, but recently took things into my own hands. The youngest stepdaughter (18) has always been a major slob. It's an embarrasment when you can't show people that end of your house because you know the filth pit that is fermenting back there. The scenario is this: Wife is home after back surgery..not able to do anything. I'm basically doing everything. After several attempts (years worth actually) to get her to bring molded dirty dishes out, cups and glasses lining her headboard....clothes piled everywhere...bed completely coverd with a bare strip clear for sleeping (and when it gets covered up completely--she would just sleep over somebody elses house). Cock roches were deciding our house was a pretty nice place to raise a family...I got disgusted and one day went in there..took everything out and piled it the hallway in front of her door. I did this on Easter so that company could see just what a disgusting slob she was....sort of shock and awe approach.

The daughter is out of the house now....I guess she couldn't take her Step Dad telling her to do ANYTHING! My wife however backed me up, as she was fed up with her actions. The daughter offered absolutely NO help during the recovery time for my wife.

Hang in there Raine...your's are still young and there is hope. But when there 18 and female...you can just forget it if they aren't living the way you want them to.

But....there is always the door --------->

weatherlover427 · #97 Postby **weatherlover427** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:53 am

Hey everyone;

I just wanted to issue an apology to anyone who thinks my rant a few pages back was directed at them. It wasn't. I just needed to get something off my chest, and IMO it came out wrong (thanks to Marshall for helping me to realize that

). Again, I am sorry if I offended anyone.

#98 Postby **Stephanie** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:01 am

Joshua21Young wrote:Hey everyone;

I just wanted to issue an apology to anyone who thinks my rant a few pages back was directed at them. It wasn't. I just needed to get something off my chest, and IMO it came out wrong (thanks to Marshall for helping me to realize that ). Again, I am sorry if I offended anyone.

Like you said, you had to get it off of your chest. No offense taken. :wink:

Miss Mary · #99 Postby **Miss Mary** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:06 am

None taken here either Joshua. It's okay, this is a rant and rave topic!

#100 Postby **Pburgh** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:06 pm

Joshua, the sign says "Get if off your chest" - you did - I'm glad!!!!!!

Good job.

Hey you guys are doing a great job at relieving all that tension in your lives.

I'm kinda liken this place.

Karan

GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST

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