Cute Quotes!!!

[bfez1]

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
> not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a
> bed, but fine up against a wall". ~~Eleanor Roosevelt
>
> Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I

> have since been visited by her sister...and now wish to withdraw that
> statement. ~~Mark Twain
>
> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
> ending; and have the two as close together as possible. ~~George Burns
>
> Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
> ~~Victor Borge
>
> Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
> ~~Mark Twain
>
> What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce. ~~Mark

> Twain
>
> By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
> you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~~Socrates
>
> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~~Groucho
> Marx
>
> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
> stops to breathe. ~~Jimmy Durante
>
> The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
> kindness, can be trained to do most things. ~~Jilly Cooper
>
> I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~~Zsa Zsa Gabor
>
> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
> groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. ~~Alex Levine
>
> Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you

> nothing. It was here first. ~~Mark Twain
>
> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop
> dying. ~~Ed Furgol
>
> Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant
> form of misery. ~~Spike Milligan
>
> What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. ~~Henny Youngman
>
> I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me
> the position. ~~Mark Twain
>
> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' ~~Joe Namath
>
> Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
> ~~Herbert Henry Asquith
>
> I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for

> my nap. ~~Bob Hope
>
> A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank
> her. ~~W.C. Fields
>
> I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in
> it. ~~W. C. Fields
>
> It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't
> remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~~George Burns
>
> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
> way through Congress. ~~Unknown
>
> Don't worry about avoiding temptation...As you grow older, it will
> avoid you. ~~Unknown
>
> Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But .. everything else
> starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~~Unknown
>
> Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is
> that you are not a hypochondriac. ~~Unknown
>
> The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. ~~Unknown
>
> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go

> anywhere. ~~Unknown
>
> It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. ~~Unknown
>
>
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