Women... Who needs them?

[chadtm80]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked
you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

[depotoo]

hehe - we keep ya honest! lol

[sunny]

Sounds like pay-back to me

[vbhoutex]

Has he heard of DUCT TAPE???

[CajunMama]

Now if the woman had been driving this would have never happened! Aren't women superior in everything?

[sunny]

Now if the woman had been driving this would have never happened! Aren't women superior in everything?

You know it, CajunMama!!

[Miss Mary]

Okay here's the other scenario....

Had the wife been driving:

1. The husband would have been drinking MORE.

2. Giving her all sorts of directions (turn here, turn there, you're going the wrong way, do you want to turn cruise on, etc.).

3. And generally making a complete fool of himself.

All the while the wife would KNOW where she was going and get them there ON TIME. Without a police officer pulling them over.

'Nuff said.

Mary

[depotoo]

why is it that men will not ask directions?!?! drives me bonkers!!! we could be going in circles for hours and mine would still not stop and ask! lol

[Miss Mary]

why is it that men will not ask directions?!?! drives me bonkers!!! we could be going in circles for hours and mine would still not stop and ask! lol

Who the heck knows! Genetic flaw I suspect, in design...LOL

Did you ever see the Home Improvement episode where Jill and Tim are going to a wedding reception in Ohio, in the middle of a snowstorm? It's hilarious. They keep geting back on the highway, going the opposite direction they want to go. Jill shoves Tim into a 7/11 to ask for directions. Here's Tim, in a tux, reluctantly asking for directions. A local cop is inside talking the store clerk, about road conditions, the storm, possibly shutting down roads. Tim gets his directions and off he goes. They get lost again so Jill tells Tim to go into another 7/11 asking for directions. Turns out it's the SAME store. Same cop, same sales clerk.....Tim's stomping snow off his shoes and looks up to see two men smirking like crazy. Because they know he's been driving in circles all night long. Classic episode!

Mary

[vbhoutex]

why is it that men will not ask directions?!?! ... lol

Why would we? We know where we are going. The women always distract us with their inane questions!!
*vb runs and hides in fear of his life*

[sunny]

why is it that men will not ask directions?!?! ... lol

Why would we? We know where we are going. The women always distract us with their inane questions!!
*vb runs and hides in fear of his life*

you can run, but you can't hide!!

[Miss Mary]

Okay here's the HI ep I was talking about....now I wouldn't mind seeing it again. Jill was trying to get dressed in the back seat as Tim was skidding around in the snowstorm too. She accidentally tucked the back of her dress into her waistband, slip showing. As Tim is talking to the same cop/clerk twice now, she comes in asking what is the matter. The cop snickers, thinking they've been fooling around in the car. And oh, Tim forgot to set the emergency brake. The cars slides into a ditch. HI is similar to Everybody Loves Raymond I think, I can see Ray Barone doing something doofussly like this!!!

I especially like the episode title!!! LOL

__________________

"You're Driving Me Crazy, You're Driving Me Nuts"
Season 2, 1992
http://epguides.com/HomeImprovement/season2.shtml#ep025

Tim and Jill are going to their friend Sheila's wedding and they hope that this time it is for real-Sheila has been stood up three times. Sheila has given Jill instructions for driving there but Tim is sure they don't need them but Jill brings them anyway. After Jill has asked Tim to ask for directions many times, he finally stops at a shop after ending up in the wrong state. Officer Lambert gives him directions he can't understand and after driving for a while, they end up at the same shop. When they both go in the shop, the car rolls into a ditch and Tim has to get it out so Jill goes to the wedding alone where Sheila is being stood up by her third guy.


___________________

Mary

[depotoo]

i saw it - i saw it!!!! never laughed so hard - punched hubby and said - sound familiar???
he thinks he's tim the tool man so we watched every episode! lol

[Miss Mary]

I was hoping someone would have seen this episode. It's probably my favorite HI one.

Didn't they see the Welcome to Ohio sign several times? I could have peed my pants when they kept seeing this welcome sign so many times!!!!

Mary

[depotoo]

yep - they did - and he would never admit to being lost! lol

[Stormsfury]

Can you say?

"Divorce Court?" ...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked
you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

[vbhoutex]

Can you say?

"Divorce Court?" ...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked
you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps
your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

Who needs divorce court? They're on a mountain road aren't they??hehehe