The Best of Late Night...

[TexasStooge]

Tonight was a big night on television. On ABC "Grey's Anatomy", on CBS was "CSI", and on NBC "Deal or No Deal", all going against each other in the same time slot. So you could watch sexy doctors, sexy detectives, or Howie Mandel.

-Conan O'Brien



Last night on "Deal or No Deal" a contestant won $675,000. That is the most money ever won on the show. When asked about the winnings the contestant said, "I'm glad I dropped out of high school and went into focusing on suitcase picking."

-Conan O'Brien



Am I not right when I say that if it's not one thing, it's another? How about this tainted spinach deal? Spinach is contaminated with ecoli bacteria. On the good side there has never been a better time to pick a fight with Popeye.

-David Letterman



A 79 year old woman in Chicago was arrested for robbing a bank. She's being extradited to Florida so she can be tried as a juvenile.

-Jay Leno



Actor George Clooney addressed the United Nations today. Luckily there were translators on site that understand how to speak "handsome".

-Conan O'Brien



Sunday is Grandparents Day. The good thing is that if you forget there's a good chance your grandparents did too.

-Conan O'Brien



The International Air Guitar Championships are going on in Finland. I hear the winner gets an imaginary check of $1 million.

-Jay Leno



Last week the NFL on NBC was the highest rated program. You know what this means ? next we?ll have NFL: Criminal Intent and NFL: Special Victims Unit.

-Jay Leno