THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK

[j]

THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
BY "ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER"
SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal si! ze people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad! to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

RESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Thank you for your loyalty to our great state. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

THE GOVERNATER

[Skywatch_NC]

Eric

[furluvcats]

Boy am I glad I don't work! But I may incorporate that 3 minute potty break with my kids when its time to do the dishes! ;O)

[Skywatch_NC]

Boy am I glad I don't work! But I may incorporate that 3 minute potty break with my kids when its time to do the dishes! ;O)

Shannon,

Isn't that why there's dishwasher machines? Just scrape, rinse off and insert.

Eric

[Kiko]

Now that touched a cord... lol

kiko, the gubmit puke ;)

[furluvcats]

Yes Eric....alot of dishes can go into the dishwasher, but we dine on heirloom family china and drink from crystal, and eat with gold silverware, so unfortunatly, all that has to be done by hand...and its a battle...lol We still set a very formal table for mealtimes...oldfashioned and fussy, I know....but it teaches proper etiquette and prepares the kids for social situations...I'm a stickler on etiquette!

[j]

now fur tell the truth....your from SC and we all know you eat with your fingers!

[furluvcats]

LOL....nah...you remeber my "royalty" background....and you can call me Dutchess!

[furluvcats]

ooops...remember

[Skywatch_NC]

Yes Eric....alot of dishes can go into the dishwasher, but we dine on heirloom family china and drink from crystal, and eat with gold silverware, so unfortunatly, all that has to be done by hand...and its a battle...lol We still set a very formal table for mealtimes...oldfashioned and fussy, I know....but it teaches proper etiquette and prepares the kids for social situations...I'm a stickler on etiquette!

Shannon,

My Dad tends to leave his elbows at times on the table when eating...even when dining out...drives my Mom and I NUTS!

One time during church summer camp I remember in the chow hall...when the group saw someone w/ that kind of ill manner...they sing/chant "(Insert person's name) if you're able...get your elbows off the table!"

Eric

[furluvcats]

Try this Eric : leave sticky syrup residue on the table where your dads elbows may go....hee hee, he'll get the point!

[GalvestonDuck]

*snicker*

I'll never forget the first and only time I actually saw my grandmother eat with her fingers (ribs).

[Brent]

LOL!!!!