"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

Chat about anything and everything... (well almost anything) Whether it be the front porch or the pot belly stove or news of interest or a topic of your liking, this is the place to post it.

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TexasStooge
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#121 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:25 am

Lebanon war puts damper on Israeli pot smokers

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israel's recent war with Lebanese Hezbollah guerrillas has sent cannabis prices sky high in the Jewish state. Boosted security on the Lebanon frontier brought a drastic reduction in drug smuggling, with the cost of cannabis in Israel up eight-fold, the Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper reported on Tuesday.

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YAAAAYYYY!!!!!
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Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo

By DORIE TURNER, Associated Press Writer

ATLANTA, Ga. - Three-year-old Cooper Lund's rendition of "Happy Birthday" included lines about living in a zoo and looking like a monkey, but the birthday boy and girl weren't insulted.

Kali and Kazi just romped about their African rain forest playground, chewing on fruit and swinging from vines. The twin western lowland gorillas' first birthday was celebrated at Zoo Atlanta on Tuesday, a significant hallmark in their young lives.

About 20 percent of gorillas do not live through their first year, especially as a pair. Kali and Kazi are the only gorilla twins in the world born in captivity to be raised solely by their mother.

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:new-bday:
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Fishy tricks seen at North Korean magic show

SEOUL (Reuters) - Las Vegas magicians can make tigers disappear but North Korea may have the market cornered for magicians who juggle fish.

North Korean official media reported Tuesday that the reclusive country had just completed its annual magic festival.

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OK, now that's a little crazy.
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#122 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Nov 02, 2006 8:35 am

New weapon in battle of the bulge...

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the "Wonderjock" for men who want to look bigger.

Since the launch seven days ago, AussieBum says it has sold 50,000 pairs of "Wonderjock," mostly on its Web site http://www.aussiebum.com and a handful of stores around the world.

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Just don't wear it in public.
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Lavish wedding video sparks outrage

By Ed Cropley

BANGKOK (Reuters) - A leaked video of the lavish wedding laid on by Myanmar junta supremo Than Shwe for his daughter has sparked outrage among ordinary people in the military-ruled and deeply impoverished nation.

In a 10-minute clip posted on the Internet, bride Thandar Shwe is seen decked out in layers of pearls and sparkling stones that appear to be diamonds, and standing beside her husband as he pours champagne over a cascade of wine glasses.

After a reception for hundreds of guests at which a five-tiered wedding cake is cut, the happy couple are seen posing before an ornate gold-braid bridal suite bed, complete with red canopy stretching up to the ceiling.

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What do you expect them to do, throw a White Trash-like wedding?
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Woman dies next to own grave

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch woman, who had meticulously planned her own funeral after the death of her husband last year, died next to the grave in Amsterdam where she wanted to be buried, a newspaper reported.

The 65-year-old widow probably died of a heart attack while she was visiting the family grave where her name, but no date, was already inscribed, De Telegraaf daily reported Wednesday.

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Now THAT'S a little scary.
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Mean squirrel attacks Pa. letter carrier

OIL CITY, Pa. (AP) - Letter carriers occasionally have to deal with angry dogs or maybe even a spider's nest in a mailbox, but a mean squirrel? Barb Dougherty, a 30-year Postal Service employee, said she was attacked and bitten Monday by a squirrel while delivering mail in Oil City, about 75 miles north of Pittsburgh.

"It was a freak thing. It was traumatic," Dougherty told The Derrick in Oil City. "I saw it there on the porch, put the mail in the box and turned to walk away and it jumped on me."

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Stay tuned for "When Squirrels Attack" on ABC.
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Steamer gets pageant contestants soaked

ASHLAND, Ky. (AP) - Manufacturers of clothing steamers might need to update their product warnings to include this: Do not use near building sprinkler systems.

The damaging effect of about 1,000 gallons of water pouring into a northeastern Kentucky arts center began when a scholarship pageant contestant hung her dress from a sprinkler head on the ceiling to remove the wrinkles before the Miss Ashland Area Scholarship Pageant on Saturday.

The Ashland Fire Department said heat from a steamer she was using triggered the sprinkler system on the second floor of the Paramount Arts Center. About 2 1/2 inches of standing water flooded the center, causing an estimated $30,000 in damage.

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I wonder if the same thing would happen on "Flavor Of Love 3".
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Student causes stir with Hitler costume

NEW YORK (AP) - A Brooklyn high school student caused a stir when he showed up for class dressed as Adolf Hitler for Halloween. Walter Petryk, 16, defended his costume Tuesday, insisting it was a satire of the Nazi dictator. But some students and officials at Leon M. Goldstein High School were not impressed.

School administrators ordered the junior honors student to remove his beige coat bearing a red swastika armband or possibly face spending the day in the office, Petryk told the New York Post for Wednesday editions.

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I would've dressed up as the Men In Black.

Speaking of wrong choices for Halloween Costumes:
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Ex-inmate's costume sparks jail lockdown

By JIM FITZGERALD, Associated Press Writer

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. - A jail went into lockdown and recounted its prisoners on Halloween night after a former inmate was spotted trick-or-treating in his old orange prisoner's jumpsuit.

"Bad choice of costume," said Susan Tolchin, chief adviser to Westchester County Executive Andrew Spano.

The former inmate, Oscar Aponte, was taking his daughter trick-or-treating in Peekskill on Tuesday night when a county correction officer — also out trick-or-treating with her child — spotted the familiar jumpsuit, Tolchin said.

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There was someone in my high school that dresses like that every halloween.
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Skeleton marries ball and chain

GRAND ISLAND, Neb. (AP) - The bride dressed in black carried chains, handcuffs and a bouquet of black roses, while wearing a ball on top of her head. The groom skipped the tuxedo and dressed like a skeleton.

The couple exchanged vows in the middle of Elm Street in Grand Island Tuesday night, and began their lifelong nightmare together.

The Halloween-themed wedding between Sandy Beyer and Keith Vogt was an impulsive idea that was frightfully clever.

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(As Freddy Krueger) "I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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#123 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Nov 02, 2006 12:13 pm

Man Escorted From Planet Fitness Gym For Grunting

WAPPINGERS FALLS, N.Y. (WCBS 2) - You can lift, strain, crunch and sweat all you want at the Planet Fitness in the Dutchess County village. But whatever you do, do not grunt.

Yep, "no grunting." It says so, in black and white, on a sign posted at the gym. One former member learned the new rule the hard way.

"This is really absurd, especially the part about the grunting," said Al Argibay, a corrections officer who learned first-hand "no grunting" means exactly that.

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Doesn't everyone grunt?
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#124 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:18 am

Urban cowboy corrals bull in New Jersey

NEWARK, N.J. (AP) - An urban cowboy appeared to get the upper hand on a bull found roaming the streets of New Jersey's largest city early Friday.

Police managed to corral the animal in a parking lot about a mile from Newark Liberty International Airport, but the bull wasn't ready to give up. It climb over an air conditioning unit as an officer with a rope tried to lasso it.

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Round 'em up!!
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Bomb experts investigate Halloween prop

OSLO, Norway (AP) - A police bomb squad raced across Norway by helicopter Thursday to investigate a mysterious, wired package that turned out to be a discarded Halloween prop left behind by a young man who had dressed up as a suicide bomber.

The package, with wires sticking out of it, was found at about 9:00 a.m. on a car parked outside the Alrek student dormitory in Bergen, Norway's second largest city, said Asbjoern Andersen of the Bergen police.

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Could be another exploding pumpkin.
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Woman gets her ring back after 22 years

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. (AP) - Laura Durham of Belvidere, Ill., is thrilled to have her high school class ring back more than 20 years after she lost it and several other rings in a car crash.

She got it back recently thanks to the efforts of workers at D&S Manufacturing, a metal products and equipment company in Black River Falls.

"I can't describe the feeling of getting the rings back," Durham said in an e-mail to the Leader-Telegram newspaper of Eau Claire. "I know that they were only worth something to me, but to me, it was like turning back the hands of time."

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That's awesome!
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#125 Postby TexasStooge » Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:02 am

Cell phone slows bullet; saves trucker's life

By KATHARYN DeVILLE / WFAA.com

WILLIS, Texas — A truck driver from Irving believes his cell phone saved his life by slowing a bullet.

Willie Ray Goree, 50, had stopped at a fast food restaurant in Willis, outside Houston, Thursday night. He had planned to get something to eat before making the trip home to the Dallas area. After phoning his wife to tell her he was on the way home, shots rang out.

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Amazing what today's cell phones can do.
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Jonesing for a world record

By Matthew Jones

LONDON (Reuters Life!) - The saying "Keeping up with the Joneses" could not have been more apt on Friday as Joneses from around the globe headed to Cardiff to set a new world record.

Joneses from as far afield as the United States and Australia flocked to the Welsh capital to beat the world record for a gathering of people with the same family name.

The Welsh bid hopes to attract up to 2,000 Joneses to a show in Cardiff where they will be entertained by singers and dancers, all called Jones, including former Bond actress, supermodel and pop icon Grace Jones, who headlines the show.

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(Counting his fingers)
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Protests as police accuse infant of robbery

KOLKATA (Reuters) - Hundreds of people protested in a remote village in eastern India after police arrived to arrest a three-month-old boy for robbery, police and witnesses said Friday.

The infant's name was subsequently dropped from a list of people accused of robbing bus passengers last week, according to Sunit Kumar, senior police officer in the town of Muzzafarpur in the poor and lawless state of Bihar.

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Coming next Halloween to theaters, Omen 2.
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Man finds letters to God at sea

By Jon Hurdle

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - A U.S. man who found 300 letters to God floating in the Atlantic Ocean said on Friday he will donate them to a church instead of selling them on eBay following protests from religious people.

The letters, sent to a deceased Baptist clergyman, mysteriously wound up in a sealed plastic shopping bag near a beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Bill Lacovara, an insurance adjuster from Ventnor, New Jersey, said he waded out to get the bag while on a fishing trip last week.

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That's a good man, donating the letters to the church.
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Flavored condom ad in bad taste?

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Indian authorities want to stop the daytime airing of a television advertisement promoting flavoured condoms saying it is obscene and in bad taste, a newspaper reported Friday.

The advert promotes DKT's "XXX" strawberry, chocolate and banana flavoured condoms with the catchline "What is your flavor of the night?."

But the Advertising Standards Council of India and the Censor Board have asked the government to bar the ad from being broadcast during the day, especially during the popular Champions Trophy international cricket tournament.

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This product brought to you by...Lean Bulime.
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#126 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:59 am

Police confiscate mummy from Mich. woman

PORT HURON, Mich. (AP) - Mummified human skeletal remains confiscated from the home of a woman who police say was trying to sell them on eBay likely came from an early 19th century Scottish collection, authorities said.

Police said Friday they have closed their investigation and do not plan to seek criminal charges.

The remains were confiscated Oct. 10 after being spotted on the Internet auction Web site.

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Hey, that's my mummy!
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"Misogynist" urinals flushed out to eBay

VIENNA (Reuters) - Four urinals shaped like a woman's lips went on sale on eBay Thursday after being removed from a public toilet in Vienna following protests from women's groups who said they were sexist.

Designed by Viennese artist Rudolf Scheffel for the "toilet-bar Vienna" next to the National Opera, the urinals featured lips covered in red, orange or blue lipstick, a bright red tongue and gleaming white teeth.

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WOW! A sequal to "Flushed Away".
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#127 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Nov 06, 2006 4:59 pm

Heads up, blue sky thinking can alienate staff

LONDON (Reuters) - Management jargon can alienate staff and leave bosses looking untrustworthy and weak, according to a survey published Monday.

Managers who spoke of "singing from the same hymn sheet" could find themselves singing solo, the survey by Investors in People said.

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Well, "Blue" from American Express is out of the question.
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60 million Chinese are considered obese

BEIJING (AP) - Rising affluence has made about 60 million Chinese — equal to the population of France — obese, state media said on Monday.

Xinhua News Agency quoted Pan Beilei, a deputy director with the government-affiliated State Food and Nutrition Consultant Committee, as saying that worsening diets had led to health problems, including obesity.

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Let's see...60 million chinese...that equals 1/2 the United States population that's obese.
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Man ordered to wear "sex offender" T-shirt

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A Delaware judge on Friday ordered a man who twice exposed himself to a 10-year-old girl at his workplace to wear a T-shirt with the words: "I am a registered sex offender" in bold letters, a prosecutor said.

Russell Teeter, 69, who pleaded guilty to two counts of indecent exposure, also was sentenced to 60 days in jail by Superior Court Judge Jan Jurden in Wilmington.

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It's cruel, but not as cruel as their crimes.
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Imelda Marcos to launch fashion line

By TERESA CEROJANO, Associated Press Writer

MANILA, Philippines (AP) - Former Philippine first lady Imelda Marcos, who made headlines for her vast shoe collection, is embarking on a new project — a fashion line.

The 77-year-old widow of dictator Ferdinand Marcos told reporters Monday that she planned to launch "The Imelda Collection" of fashion jewelry and accessories on Nov. 18.

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HMMM, I wonder how that's gonna sell.
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#128 Postby P.K. » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:40 am

Another strange one.

Chippy smells of chips complaint

A West Yorkshire chip shop owner is being investigated after a complaint that his shop smells of fish and chips.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/6126476.stm
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#129 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:52 am

:uarrow: Just file that under frivolous complaints. I mean, no one's gonna die from the smell of fish and chips...(croaks) :jk:
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Shopkeeper purged over Mao condoms

SHANGHAI (Reuters Life!) - A condom seller has been ordered to shut his shop for displaying his wares without Chinese instructions and in "inappropriate packages," including ones bearing a likeness of Mao Zedong, a state newspaper said.

The Industry and Commerce Administration in Ningbo, in the eastern province of Zhejiang, received several complaints about Zhang Zhiwen's products last month, the Shanghai Daily said.

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:comment:
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Priest offers captors forgiveness and beer

LISBON (Reuters) - A Portuguese priest held hostage for 19 hours by prisoners trying to escape from a jail wants to "celebrate life" over a beer with his former captors.

Julio Lemos, who was grabbed and kept at knife-point by two prisoners at the jail where he held mass over the weekend, said he forgave the prisoners. His two captors are both serving prison sentences for manslaughter.

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I'll take forgiveness, you can keep the beer.
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Chickens, not children, at "ghost school"

KARACHI (Reuters) - Pakistani authorities found chickens, not children, when they went to inspect a state-run primary school after a tip-off the establishment was being used to produce poultry.

So-called ghost schools -- where people pocket government funds for education but use the schools for their own purposes -- are a common problem in Pakistan.

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What's the matter are ya 'chicken'?
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Woman in 'Shakira shaking' contest sues

By SAMUEL MAULL, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - A woman who said she fell off a slippery bar and injured herself while dancing in a "Shake-It-Like-Shakira" contest is suing the Manhattan saloon that sponsored the competition.

Megan Zacher, 22, of Delanco, N.J., fell at Calico Jack's Cantina on 42nd Street and Second Avenue on July 8, 2006, her lawyer, Lawrence Simon, said Tuesday. He said the fall caused a torn knee ligament that required surgery.

Simon said Zacher and two friends were celebrating a birthday. She had been at the crowded establishment about an hour, was working on her second drink and was dancing on the bar, vying for the $250 "Shake-It-Like-Shakira" prize, when she fell, Simon said.

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Wow! Her "hips don't lie."
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#130 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:05 pm

Tree climber rescues cat after five days

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. (AP) - For five days and four nights, Whiskers the cat was stranded 40 feet up in a tree surrounded by jagged rocks and overlooking a steep embankment. Pamela and Kenneth Fisher in Martinsburg first tried using food to lure Whiskers down late last week, but without success. Then firefighters tried to reach the cat with a ladder, but couldn't. They tried using water to coax the cat down, but that just sent Whiskers higher.

Frustrated and concerned by the panicked feline's desperate cries, Pamela Fisher called the local humane society, animal control officers and several veterinarians' offices, but nobody was either willing or able to help.

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At least the cat and the climber are safe.
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Iowan fires up furnaces fueled by manure

WAUKEE, Iowa (AP) - John Kimberlin hopes to light a fire under his idea of using manure to produce heat and electricity. Kimberlin, of Waukee, believes he has perfected a small-scale furnace that can be used on farms, at racetracks, or anywhere else livestock waste piles up.

Investors have worked to turn manure and biomass into energy, and scientists say it could make Iowa a major producer of power. The state produces enough manure to power 325,000 homes, according to estimates from the Iowa Department of Natural Resources.

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:18: :cheese:
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#131 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Nov 09, 2006 12:05 pm

We're looking for a few dull men

By Sara Ledwith

LONDON, England (Reuters Life) - Looking for safe excitement? November is fig month at the Dull Men's Club, a place in cyberspace for men who feel "born to be mild" and enjoy watching grass grow and photographing garden sheds.

"Figs are good for you. High fiber and high nutritional value ... fat-free, sodium-free, cholesterol-free ... not to mention the great taste. And they are portable," enthuses the Dull Men's Club Web site (http://www.dullmen.com) just above its choice of "Anorak of the Month."

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(YAWNS) Yeah, I am dull...NOT!!
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Hospital plans to set up baby hatch

TOKYO, Japan (Reuters Life!) - A Japanese hospital plans to set up the country's first "baby hatch" where mothers can drop off unwanted babies, who could then be offered for adoption.

Jikei Hospital in southern Japan said it plans to install what it is calling a "stork's cradle," consisting of a flap in an outside wall which opens on to a small incubated bed.

An alarm bell would ring within minutes after a baby was deposited so hospital staff could come and care for the infant.

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Why didn't anyone think of this before?
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College professor displays $170,000 pen

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) - A pocket protector would be pointless for this diamond-encrusted, $170,000 fountain pen that will never be used. "You do not put ink in that pen. It's like owning a Ferrari that you don't want to drive," said owner Al Parrish, a Charleston Southern University professor.

The pen, one of only three in the world, was on display at the Charleston Mountblanc store along with others from Parish's $1.2 million collection. They recently arrived in an armored car accompanied by security guards.

"It's just a spectacular piece of artwork," said Parrish, who teaches economics at the university.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is a $170,000 pen, and I'm a fill it up with a 99¢ bottle of ink.
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Prisoner ends 20-hour televised rooftop show

BERLIN (Reuters) - A confessed rapist who captivated Germans by strolling around the edge of his prison roof live on television, agreed to come down early Thursday about 20 hours after he broke free from guards, authorities said.

A police spokesman in the eastern city of Dresden said after negotiations lasting until the early hours of Thursday, the man agreed to descend from his perch some 13 meters (43 feet) high. The onset of heavy rain probably played a role, he added.

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"Welcome to the rooftop marathon!"
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#132 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Nov 10, 2006 12:29 pm

Dancing eunuchs taxing red-faced shopkeepers

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - Dancing and singing eunuchs are knocking on doors in the Indian city of Patna in a bid to embarrass shopkeepers into paying their taxes.

The new shock strategy, in which sari-clad and heavily made up eunuchs accompany officials on their rounds of crowded shopping areas in a country notorious for tax evasion and non-payment, has been declared a success.

"Some paid in cash, while others quickly wrote checks. The shock therapy, which we plan to use sparingly, was a grand success," Atul Prasad, a top official in impoverished Bihar state, of which Patna is the capital, told Reuters Friday.

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That's one way to collect back taxes.
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Hundreds to compete for rock, paper, scissors title

By Martin Roberts

TORONTO (Reuters) - Think rock, paper, scissors is a children's game? Think again.

Top players from around the globe will gather in Toronto this weekend to compete for a C$10,000 ($8,840) prize and the title of world champion.

More than 500 contestants, including national champions from Australia, Norway and New Zealand, are expected to attend.

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Move the contest here, I'm a pro!
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College's nerds blow off steam in Cooking 101

By Mary Milliken

PASADENA, California (Reuters) - Sarah studies observational cosmology, Glenn experiments with fluid dynamics and Marlena is making a computer tablet. But these students at Caltech, one of the most challenging universities in the world, struggle with a recipe for corn pudding.

Such is the irony of "Cooking Basics" -- one of the most popular classes at the California Institute of Technology, in which the final exam-meal is judged by a Nobel laureate, one of the six on the faculty and 30 in the history of the university, located in the Los Angeles suburb of Pasadena.

"We have amazingly gifted people in science and engineering and they are viewed by many people as nerdy," said Caltech's French-born president, Jean-Lou Chameau.

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HMMM...Interesting
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Manners maketh millionaires

By Paul Majendie

LONDON (Reuters) - For international executives navigating the minefield of corporate politics, help is at hand -- impeccable British manners can clinch that big deal.

So says etiquette expert Diana Mather who Friday launched a weekend house party at a Scottish castle for businessmen, academics and diplomats eager to prove the 14th century proverb "Manners Maketh Man."

As well as traditional country house pursuits such as clay pigeon shooting, bridge and formal Scottish dancing, participants will be tutored in the finer arts of charm and proper etiquette -- all in the name of good business.

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I wonder how many millionaires will be hypocrites...
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Boy, 12, takes 2-hour spin in family car

NEW YORK - A 12-year-old took his 7-year-old brother for a two-hour joy ride in the family car while their mother was napping. Instead of watching TV, like his mother thought he was doing, Kenny Rodriguez, accompanied by his brother, Miguel Pepin, cruised the busy Grand Central Parkway and even parallel parked before police finally found them at a friend's house.

"Kenny was angry with me so he drove to his friend's house," said their shaken mother, Carolina Rivas, 33, who works nights at a hospital emergency room.

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:uarrow: Future NASCAR drivers :uarrow:
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rainstorm

#133 Postby rainstorm » Fri Nov 10, 2006 4:50 pm

Skeleton marries ball and chain

GRAND ISLAND, Neb. (AP) - The bride dressed in black carried chains, handcuffs and a bouquet of black roses, while wearing a ball on top of her head. The groom skipped the tuxedo and dressed like a skeleton.

The couple exchanged vows in the middle of Elm Street in Grand Island Tuesday night, and began their lifelong nightmare together.

The Halloween-themed wedding between Sandy Beyer and Keith Vogt was an impulsive idea that was frightfully clever.

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yikes
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#134 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Nov 10, 2006 11:04 pm

Andy Griffith sues Andy Griffith

By COLIN FLY, Associated Press Writer

MILWAUKEE - Forget the small-town belief in letting bygones be bygones. Andy Griffith, the actor who portrayed the sheriff of the fictional town of Mayberry, N.C., has sued a Wisconsin resident who unsuccessfully bid for the Grant County post after legally changing his name to Andrew Jackson Griffith in May.

The lawsuit, filed Nov. 3 in U.S. District Court in Madison, alleges that William Harold Fenrick, 42, violated trademark and copyright laws as well as the privacy of actor Andy Samuel Griffith when he used his new name — Andy Griffith — to promote his candidacy for sheriff in southwestern Wisconsin.

The lawsuit says the former Fenrick changed his name for the "sole purpose of taking advantage of Griffith's notoriety in an attempt to gain votes" and asks the court to order Fenrick to go back to his original name.

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"Will the real Andy Griffith please stand up?"
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Canstruction makes creations out of cans

By DEEPTI HAJELA, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Playing with your food never looked like this. There's the giant lobster — made out of cans of anchovies. The alien and its spaceship are built out of cans of peas. And the milk carton and cookies? What else but cans of condensed milk and tins of cookies?

The canned creations are the part of the 13th annual Canstruction event that opened Thursday at the New York Design Center — a showcase meant to raise awareness of hunger issues.

The price of admission: one can of food. The 132,000 cans that are part of the exhibit will be given to the Food Bank of New York City.

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Will the real Borat please stand up?

By Mike Collett-White

LONDON (Reuters) - Will the real Borat please stand up?

Turkish Internet celebrity Mahir Cagri is in London to press his case that he is the inspiration for the spoof Kazakh journalist, the creation of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen whose Borat movie is taking the world's box office by storm.

The 44-year-old's Web site, with its "I Kiss You!!!!!" greeting, made him an unlikely Internet hero seven years ago.

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And now, "MadTV" presents the spoof of "I Kiss You!!!!!"...
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#135 Postby TexasStooge » Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:25 am

Town gives women equal footing on road signs

MADRID (Reuters) - A Spanish town council has vowed to banish sexism from street signage by demanding half of all road signs and traffic lights show female figures with skirts and ponytails.

Fuenlabrada, which lies south of the capital Madrid, will replace old and damaged road signs and traffic lights with new stock within a year.

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HMMM....
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In sin city Vegas, erotic dancers must keep distance

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A court has upheld a Las Vegas city regulation barring erotic dancers from raunchy physical contact with their customers, in a ruling that runs counter to the gambling city's sinful reputation.

Nevada's Supreme Court on Thursday reversed two lower court rulings that found the regulation improperly curtailed "expressive conduct" protected by the U.S. Constitution's First Amendment.

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(As Chris Rock) "No matter what anybody tells you, there's no sex in the gambling room. None."
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T-shirt turns air guitar into music

CANBERRA, Australia (AP) - Scientists announced Monday that they have developed a high-tech T-shirt that turns the strumming of an air guitar into music.

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up the wearer's arm motions and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar rifts, said Richard Helmer, an engineer who leads the research team from the government's Australian Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization.

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I gotta get me one of those shirts.
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Store donates 120 wedding gowns to vets

WEXFORD, Pa. (AP) - A formalwear store gave away 120 new wedding gowns to women in the armed forces, veterans, or who are engaged to past or present servicemen.

Rosalind Ramos-Alvarez, who has been in the military for 21 years, heard a radio ad for the giveaway and showed up Friday, selecting two gowns to try on.

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That's awesome. That way the veterans won't have to pay a hefty price to get married.
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238 blame dead guy, neighbor for tickets

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - More than 200 Australian motorists have avoided parking and speeding fines by blaming either a dead man or an interstate resident for their errors in what police said Saturday may be a widespread fraud.

Under New South Wales state law, if a car owner signs a sworn statement that they were not driving the vehicle when an offense was committed, they can avoid paying speed camera fines, which arrive by mail, and parking tickets left under windshield wipers.

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"I was slowed down by a dead guy...dwarfs jumped out of nowhere...Uh...I was ran off by squirrels...uhh..."
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A wild night at the "elk" club?

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A drunken elk is terrorizing children at a school in southern Sweden.

"That could be the problem. We could be dealing with a boozy elk," Jan Caiman, a police officer in Molndal, told the national news agency TT.

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Talk about a "wild" zoo at school...
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#136 Postby TexasStooge » Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:29 am

Ceramic deer no match for the real thing

OOSTBURG, Wis. (AP) - A ceramic deer came out the loser when attacked by the real thing. Ruth Hesselink of the town of Holland reported that the deer replica in her yard was destroyed in the attack that happened Sunday about 6:45 p.m., according to Capt. Dave Adams of the Sheboygan County Sheriff's Department.

Hesselink told authorities a buck took on its ceramic counterpart.

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"Oh see a little deer, has the deer a little doe?"
"Yeah, 2 bucks!" :lol:
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Sanitation worker's honesty doesn't pay

NEENAH, Wis. (AP) - A sanitation worker who found $1,900 attached to a discarded desk at a city scrap heap says he's followed the rules and now deserves the money — but the city won't give it up.

"It's been very hard on me for being honest and then being told that because you're honest we're going to pat you on the back and take your money," David Voight said in a telephone interview Sunday night.

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If I were him, I would've pocketed the money.
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Man saved after scanner deflects bullet

SHEBOYGAN FALLS, Wis. (AP) - Police say a police scanner may have saved Floyd Kimme's life. Kimme, 50, was sitting in his living room Sunday evening when a bullet was fired into his home by a large-caliber weapon, authorities said.

The bullet went through the wall and hit the scanner, which was in front of the recliner where Kimme was sitting, said Sheboygan County Sheriff's Captain Dave Adams.

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Before this happened, a cellphone saved a man in Texas from a gunshot to the head by a homeless person.
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rainstorm

#137 Postby rainstorm » Tue Nov 14, 2006 11:02 pm

LONDON (Reuters) - Will the real Borat please stand up?

Turkish Internet celebrity Mahir Cagri is in London to press his case that he is the inspiration for the spoof Kazakh journalist, the creation of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen whose Borat movie is taking the world's box office by storm.

The 44-year-old's Web site, with its "I Kiss You!!!!!" greeting, made him an unlikely Internet hero seven years ago.

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i hear alot of people are upset with borat
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#138 Postby TexasStooge » Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:34 am

Kindergartner suspended for having knife

LEXINGTON, S.C. (AP) - A 5-year-old kindergartner brought a folding pocket knife to school and faces expulsion, officials said Tuesday.

The Saxe Gothe Elementary School student tried to use the knife to open his sealed lunch in the cafeteria on Monday, said Mary Beth Hill, spokeswoman for Lexington County School District 1.

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OK, why doesn't he simply ask one of the teachers to open it for him?
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Restaurant comes to lobster's rescue

BETHLEHEM, N.H. (AP) - Monstro the 15-pound lobster didn't wind up on the menu.

The giant lobster caught 100 miles off the Massachusetts coast spent last month in the lobster tank at Angelica's Restaurant in Bethlehem. He recently was returned to the water, just off the southern tip of West Island, five miles from New Bedford, Mass.

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Days later, the lobster wound up on the menu of the restaurant Red Lobster
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China love boat wants rich, good-looking

BEIJING (AP) - A matchmaking love boat cruise open only to male millionaires and "good-looking and desirable" women is slated to set sail later this month, a state-run Chinese newspaper said Tuesday.

Men on the cruise scheduled to go along Shanghai's Huangpu River must be worth at least 2 million yuan ($250,000), the China Daily quoted organizer Xu Tianli as saying.

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That leaves me out...
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#139 Postby TexasStooge » Thu Nov 16, 2006 8:52 am

Clever Bonobo again triggers fire alarm

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) - Panbanisha the bonobo is up to her tricks again. For the second time in two months, the 20-year-old animal triggered a fire alarm at the Great Ape Trust of Iowa research center.

The trouble started at about 8:15 a.m. Wednesday, when Panbanisha wanted to go outside but the staff was too busy to let her out, trust officials said. Panbanisha then apparently lost her temper and pulled the alarm, officials said.

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I guess Panbanisha wants to be a fire marshall.
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'Flames of passion' prove costly

MONCKS CORNER, S.C. - The flames of passion cost a former firefighter $200 after he and his then-girlfriend had sex in upscale house that was still under construction.

Former Hanahan firefighter Paul Joseph Sloan, 25, pleaded guilty Tuesday to a single charge of unlawful entry into an enclosed place.

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What an old "flame".
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Want to spice up a golf game? Add tasty tees

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Seeking the perfect holiday gift for the golfer who has everything? Try flavored golf tees.

U.S. inventors John Packes and Ramon Peralta have come up a product line called Tasty Golf Tees in various flavors including mint, cherry, strawberry, and grape

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Call 1-800-EAT-GOLF to order. Act now, and you can get a free box of Hamwinkies!
Image
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Doctor ordered to pay for unwanted baby

BERLIN (Reuters) - A court ruling which ordered a gynecologist to pay child support for up to 18 years as compensation for botching a contraceptive implant was condemned by the German media as scandalous on Wednesday.

The Karlsruhe-based federal appeals court ruled on Tuesday that the doctor must pay his former patient, now a mother of a three-year-old boy, 600 euros ($769) a month because she became pregnant after he implanted her with a contraceptive device. "A child as a case for damages -- this perverse idea has now been confirmed by one of Germany's highest courts," conservative Die Welt daily newspaper wrote in an editorial on Wednesday.

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OK, I'm........speechless.
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Eau no! More celebrity scents!

By Rachelle Younglai

TORONTO (Reuters) - If it looks like celebrities are crowding the perfume counter at department stores this holiday season -- that's because they are, with 2006 shaping up as a record year for celebrity scents.

The rich and famous have turned the public obsession with their lives into a highly profitable industry, with 37 celebrity scents flooding onto the market in the past 3 years and no sign of the trend coming to an end.

This year, in the run-up to 2006's big spending season, another 23 new celebrity scents have so far joined the pack, launched by the likes of actresses Hilary Swank, Jennifer Lopez, English footballer David Beckham and even television's Desperate Housewives.

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And coming soon: Richard Simmons Perfume!
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#140 Postby TexasStooge » Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:26 am

What could possibly go wrong here?

VIENNA (Reuters) - It took 25 firefighters, his wife and a son to roll Lulu the cow off Austrian farmer Leopold Zeilinger after she fell on him.

When Zeilinger discovered the 1,764-pound cow was too sick to stand up for milking, he used a winch to suspend her in the air. Part of the gear broke and Lulu toppled onto him, the daily Krone reported Wednesday.

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What COULD possibly go wrong here?
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'Grape guy' catches 116 grapes in mouth

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - An American man caught 116 tossed grapes in his mouth in three minutes in what he hopes will become a new Guinness World Record, his publicity team said Thursday.

Steve "the Grape Guy" Spalding, 44, of Dallas, Texas also set a personal record for endurance grape catching, using his mouth to catch 1,203 grapes thrown from a distance of 15 feet over half an hour, according to publicist Deanna Brown.

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This guy should come to the annual Grapefest in Grapevine, TX.
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Voodoo practitioner tries to jinx Bush

BOGOR, Indonesia (AP) - A renowned black magic practitioner performed a voodoo ritual Thursday to jinx President George W. Bush and his entourage while he was on a brief visit to Indonesia.

Ki Gendeng Pamungkas slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face.

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Hold up, if ya wanna jinx someone, jinx Osama Bin Laden.
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Prof named best Jefferson impersonator

BISMARCK, N.D. - Selecting the nation's best Thomas Jefferson impersonator came down to a coin toss — a Jefferson head nickel, of course.

Clay Jenkinson, a Dickinson State University scholar and host of a weekly radio show about Jefferson, was declared the winner Wednesday on "The Colbert Report," a satirical news show on the Comedy Central channel.

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LOL!!
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