Empty nest...AGAIN!

[Miss Mary]

Alicia - awww, some kids are like that I guess. Some need to be on their own before they appreciate how good they had it. I have a niece that gave her parents terrible trouble. She flunked her Junior year, got into drugs/drinking but her main problem was authority. She would not listen to anyone and thought she could come and go as she pleased. At school, at home, at friend's houses. I think it was the Prom that did it. She and her friends didn't even go to the dance, someone who was 18 rented a hotel room just over our county border. They were having a wild time, in prom clothes but skipping the dance. Her mom caught her red handed. From there she was put into a program called Kids Helping Kids. She did not come home for 3 months. I will add that I as her Aunt did not sleep well those 3 months. She was placed in several homes, with host parents of teens that had gone thru the program. Those in charge said this method worked best. How did we know these parents were good people? All I know is my brother almost flipped out when she was first taken to a room to talk to a counselor. He didn't realize he wouldn't see her again for 12 weeks. They allowed her to come back in for a short goodbye (his wife was the one that contacted KHK, so she knew the drill). So if I was distraught and saying prayers, lighting candles at Church for her, I know her parents were going thru h*** back then.

Fast forward to now and she is the most grounded of all our combined nieces and nephews. She switched schools, repeated her Junior year. Graduated, went on to a 2 year college. Now she's employed at a large law firm in Connecticut working towards her 4 year degree, tuition is paid for by her employers. She has so many regrets she says and would love to be a HS counselor possibly. I think she'd be perfect at it b/c she knows now we all her best interests at heart. I am so proud of how far she has come (she's 24 but in many ways, seems 30, from wisdom, not her brief but rocky drug/alcohol phase. She looks so wholesome too, clear skin, blond hair, blue eyes, picture J. Anniston or Kelly Ripa, that's my niece). She said so many people are shocked she was that rebellious once.

Mary - haven't even asked what the cost will be for this shot. I think I'd better since we have very high co-pays now. But it does sound as if the $80 is worth it. If only college were that reasonable! Our Ped said he'll continue being her doc until she begins college. It's a little sad too that in 4 years my days at the Ped's office will have come to an end. I remember living there sometiimes! I still have their phone # memorized!!!

Mary

[azskyman]

Why, upon their leaving, do they still visit our minds and hearts? My two sons are 27 and 32 and by most standards are facing the world head on. I am proud of them both (both college graduates) and each has both of piece of their mom and a piece of their dad as baggage to carry.

I suspect your pain is from knowing that this world will offer much up to your son(s) and daughter(s). There will be opportunity for growth in wonderful ways and growth in painful ways. No longer can we push them out of harms way...but instead hope that our influence will help them make good choices and sound decisions.

I have many reasons to wake up at 2 am and think about a challenge at work or something that needs attention, but I rarely do that.

Instead I wake and think about what words, if any, might help strengthen my sons, in a momentary battle they are facing.

Most often, of course, I spin the situation in a dozen directions for the longest of times in the dark...only to decide upon waking that "tis best left for them" to discover. And THEN I begin thinking about my day at work instead.

We'll second guess how well we prepared them and how yet to be part of them for all our remaining years.

But if we love them...really love them, our pain is in knowing that not every day in their future will be a good one. And they must deal with that on their very own terms.

And since a price paid for loving is pain, I accept those tears and heartaches.