"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Hitchhiker steals car, then dies in crash

OTTAWA (Reuters) - A Canadian hitchhiker, who stole an elderly man's car after he offered her a ride, died a few minutes later when she lost control of the vehicle and crashed into trees, police said.

The crash happened near the town of Hawkesbury -- about 100 km (60 miles) northeast of Ottawa -- after the man stopped to pick up 20-year-old Mandy Deschambeault.

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She's qualified for the next Darwin Award!
[hr]
Orangutan undergoes cataract surgery

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) - An orangutan is expected to have improved vision after successfully undergoing cataract surgery Wednesday, the world's first ever such operation on a great ape, a wildlife official said.

The 19-year-old orangutan named Aman is gradually recovering after the two-and-a-half-hour surgery on both his eyes at the Matang Wildlife Center in Sarawak state on Borneo island, said Sarawak Forestry spokesman Zulkifli Baba Noor.

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Stuff like this is bound to happen.
[hr]
Bank sells house complete with owner's corpse

MADRID (Reuters) - A Spanish bank repossessed a house and put it up for auction complete with the mummified body of the former owner who had missed her mortgage payments, newspaper El Pais reported on Wednesday.

The corpse, preserved by salty air in the seaside town of Roses after an apparent death by natural causes, was discovered by Jorge Giro, who entered the house for the first time on Saturday after buying it at the auction, El Pais said.

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That's a big turn-off for me.
[hr]
Cops: Boys rob Kan. store with water gun

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. (AP) - Two adolescent boys are accused of wielding a concealed weapon — a squirt gun wrapped in black electrical tape — to steal cash from a discount store.

The purple plastic toy was recovered from the downtown Dollar General store by officers who caught the suspects, ages 11 and 14, within minutes of the holdup, police said Tuesday.

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"This is a stick-up, nobody moves!" Yawn![/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Train passengers asked to get out and push

PATNA, India (Reuters) - Hundreds of Indian rail passengers got more than they had bargained for when the driver of their train asked them to get out and push.

It took more than half an hour to move the stalled electric train 12 feet so that it touched live overhead wires and was able to resume its journey, officials said on Wednesday.

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Welcome to the "Get Out And Push" Express.
[hr]
Dog nurses Tiger triplets at China zoo

BEIJING (AP) - It's a dog's life for three newborn tiger triplets in eastern China. The cubs, whom officials at the Jinan Paomaling Wild Animal World in Shandong province are so far just calling "One," "Two" and "Three," have been nursed by a dog since they were rejected by their tiger mother shortly after birth, said Paomaling manager Chen Yucai.

The trio's adoptive mother, a mixed breed farm dog called "Huani," is expected to nurse them for about a month or until their appetites outpace her supply, Chen said.

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Isn't it nice to know that when you're not ready to be a mother, someone else can?
[hr]
"Hooked" anti-smoking ads spark record complaints

LONDON (Reuters) - British Government anti-smoking posters featuring men and women with fish hooks through their mouths attracted one of the highest numbers of complaints the advertising standards watchdog has ever received.

Nearly 800 complaints were made about a series of poster, TV, newspaper and Internet adverts which many felt were offensive and distressing, particularly to children.

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Don't ads like these suppose to stop people from smoking?
[hr]
Spring thaw brings out Brattleboro raw

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. (AP) - Spring has arrived in this southeastern Vermont shire town. The trees are less bare, and some local residents are more so. Brattleboro has no ordinance, and Vermont no law, against public nudity. Some of the people who caused a stir last year when they began appearing downtown as nature made them are back.

Not everyone is happy.

Resident Theresa Toney said she was dining at a downtown restaurant when she spotted her first naked person of the spring. She looked out the window "and saw a man in his 60s walking up and down Main Street totally nude," she said. "This is indecent exposure where it doesn't belong."

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Good golly! No wonder Court TV's Stupid Crimes site has been filled with daily naked stories.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]X-rated nude car wash gets police all-clear

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A nude car wash offering an X-rated sideshow and topless cleaning in Australia's tropical Queensland state has been given the all-clear after police and officials said they were powerless to scrub it.

The Bubbles 'n' Babes car wash in Brisbane prompted a flood of complaints with a topless car wash for A$55 ($45) and a nude car wash with X-rated lap-dance service for A$100. "If it was approved for a car wash then I can't imagine how we can stop them," Lord Mayor Campbell Newman told a council meeting with worried local lawmakers

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As if brothels and strip clubs aren't enough...
[hr]
Pub told to change tricky bathroom signs

DESTIN, Fla. - Confusing signs on the bathroom doors at McGuire's Irish Pub have played jokes on customers for years, sending women to the men's room and vice versa.

But the father of a girl who was interrupted by a man in the women's room and Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation don't find the signs funny.

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There's an "America's Funniest Home Videos" 'Assignment America' disqualification.
[hr]
College forces pregnancy tests on students

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese technical college for boarders has defended compulsory pregnancy tests for students as a responsibility to them and their families, local media reported Friday.

The college in Urumqi, capital of the far western region of Xinjiang, had tested new students for several years and would ask those who tested positive to leave, the Beijing News said, citing students.

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Thank goodness I don't have to be in that situation.
[hr]
Star Trek lottery bid boldly goes nowhere

LONDON (Reuters) - British lottery chiefs have turned down bizarre bids for grants to pay for everything from a replica of the Starship Enterprise to double-glazing in a private house.

The Star Trek fan hoped to recreate the spaceship from the science fiction series to provide a safe place for "lonely people" to meet, the National Lottery said on Friday.

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In other words, the Star Trek bids are at a 'failure to launch' mode.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Bride turns down "dark" groom

PATNA, India (Reuters) - Turned down for marriage due to his dark complexion, an Indian man staged a hunger strike outside his would be bride's house for two days before she finally relented, an official said Saturday.

Saral Prasad, the 23-year-old groom in eastern Bihar state, said he would not budge from the girl's village home after she refused to marry him earlier this week in an arranged marriage because he was too dark.

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Considering a marriage like that can birth Emo kids.
[hr]
Candidates break tie with coin toss

MANILA, Philippines (AP) - Two candidates broke a rare tie in last week's elections by tossing a coin, officials said Sunday.

After a count of last Monday's ballots, local elections officials discovered that Bryan Byrd Bellang and Benjamin Ngeteg had tied for the final of eight seats on the council in Bontoc town in Mountain province, elections supervisor Mary Umaming said.

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Now, if tied elections in the US will end like that.
[hr]
Mars says sorry for animal products in chocolate

LONDON (Reuters) - Chocolate maker Mars apologised on Sunday for a widely mocked decision to use animal products in chocolate bars and said in future its candy would be suitable for vegetarians.

The company said it was reversing a decision announced last week to change its chocolate recipe to include trace amounts of rennet, a natural enzyme produced from the stomachs of calves which is used in traditional cheese and chocolate making.

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I ain't touching those candy bars.
[hr]
Thousands flock to frog-jumping contest

ANGELS CAMP, Calif. (AP) - A rift between organizers of Calaveras County's famous frog jumping contest did not keep away thousands of frog wranglers Sunday inspired by Mark Twain's tall tale.

About 4,000 contestants entered the Calaveras County Fair's annual Jumping Frog Jubilee this year, twice as many as last year, according to the event's organizers.

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You mean...this kind of rift?
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=j0_xMjh3Xms[/youtube][/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Woman still likes gorilla despite attack

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A 57-year-old Dutch woman who was attacked by a gorilla at a Rotterdam zoo said the ape was still her favorite even though she felt she was going to die when he bit her.

"I go to the zoo almost every day with my husband, and we're always going to see Bokito. I even have pictures and videos from Berlin when he was only four months old," the woman told Dutch mass-circulation daily Telegraaf.

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Another one of many sure signs of forgiveness.
[hr]
Man sleeps through gunshot to the head

HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) - Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper. A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Altizer man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head, said Cpl. R.H. McQuaid of the Cabell County Sheriff's Department.

The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday, McQuaid said. The one the struck Lusher apparently lost velocity as it traveled through two walls.

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Oh, my! That's an odd drive-by shooting.
[hr]
Indonesian fisherman nets ancient fish

MANADO, Indonesia (Reuters) - An Indonesian fisherman has caught a coelacanth, an ancient fish once thought to have become extinct at the time of the dinosaurs, a fishery expert said on Monday.

Yustinus Lahama and his son caught the fish on Saturday in the sea off North Sulawesi province and kept it at their house for an hour, said Grevo Gerung, a professor at the fisheries faculty at the Sam Ratulangi University.

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That's something you don't find in a typical ocean.
[hr]
Man crashes after prosthetic leg jams

BELOIT, Wis. (AP) - A man ran his truck through the wall of a liquor store after his prosthetic leg became jammed between the accelerator and brake pedal.

Martin E. Nehls, 49, had parked his Chevy Silverado in the Spirits of 51 lot, police said. When he put the truck into drive on Saturday morning, his prosthetic leg slipped off the brake and hit the gas. Then it got stuck between the two pedals, causing the truck to move forward and hit the building, police said.

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I felt sorry for him.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Viagra may aid jet-lagged travelers, study shows

By Will Dunham

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The male impotence drug Viagra may be useful for treating jet lag as well, according to Argentine researchers who gave it to hamsters made to feel like rodent globe-trotters.

The researchers manipulated the schedule of turning lights on and off to induce jet lag in the laboratory animals, they reported Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

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Another day, another dorky study.
[hr]
N.J. woman, 60, gives birth to twin boys

By MATTHEW VERRINDER, Associated Press Writer

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - A 60-year-old woman became a mother, twice over, when she delivered a pair of boys Tuesday.

Frieda Birnbaum gave birth to "Baby A" at 12:44 p.m. and "Baby B" a minute later by Caesarean section at Hackensack University Medical Center, hospital spokeswoman Nancy Radwin said. The twins each weighed 4 pounds, 11 ounces, she said.

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This rarely occurs.
[hr]
Nearly half of Americans let vacation days slip

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Almost half of American workers did not take all of their vacation days last year, even though many reported being "burned out" by their jobs, according to a survey conducted by Yahoo Hot Jobs.

The online recruiter said 45 percent of the 1,800 respondents did not use all of their days off for 2006, while 39 percent said they were too exhausted to take a "real" vacation.

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Luckily, I don't have to let my vacation days slip me by.
[hr]
Woman, 75, catches wild cat in trap

CEDAR CITY, Utah (AP) - A 75-year-old woman who felt threatened by a wild cat rented a trap for $55 and caught the animal. But what's in the cage? A rogue feline or a cat who just needs affection? A Cedar City animal-control officer compared it to Morris, the cat who appeared in TV commercials for pet food.

"There's nothing wrong with that cat," Lisa Haller said. "He's a wild cat, but he's not a rabid cat. ... If we can adopt it out, we will."

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At 75?!?! WOW!!!!![/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]And the best tourists in the world are...

LONDON (Reuters) - The best tourists in the world are the Japanese, followed by Americans and the Swiss, a survey based on views from hoteliers across Europe said Wednesday.

Japanese tourists stood out for being polite and tidy, securing 35 percent more votes than the Americans who came second.

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Well, that's no surprise.
[hr]
Orangutan flees cage, goes on rampage

TAIPEI, Taiwan (AP) - An orangutan escaped from a Taiwanese zoo and terrified patrons at a nearby restaurant Wednesday, overturning picnic tables and motorbikes and forcing terrified diners to cower inside the eatery.

The orangutan, who pushed his way out of his cage before wandering into the restaurant, was subdued when an official shot him with a tranquilizer dart. He was carted off for treatment in the scoop of a small bulldozer.

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Another day, another aminal on the loose in a zoo.
[hr]
Free computer virus finds willing victims

HELSINKI (Reuters) - Computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any.

Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert.

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There are 409 willing victims. I happen to be NOT one of them.
[hr]
Video shows officer zapping man in groin

TENINO, Wash. (AP) - It was just a little stun gun fun, but a police officer who demonstrated his Taser by zapping a willing subject in the genitals has drawn a warning from his bosses.

Officer Randy Reynolds ran into trouble when video of the incident last spring was posted on YouTube.com. The unidentified man wasn't injured, and onlookers can be heard laughing in the background.

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(High-pitched voice) Well, now you know the dangers of tasers!
[hr]
Woman gives birth in car for second time

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - If a pregnant Stephanie Green asks for a ride to the hospital, beware: She has a history of giving birth in cars. On Tuesday, for the second time in 17 months, Green had a baby while en route to a hospital. Doctors had planned to induce labor Thursday, but baby Zaria had other plans.

"I thought I was going to make it this time, but she changed all that very quickly," Green said.

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Nothing like turning a car into a hospital.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Ape escapes, goes on 3-hour rampage

TAIPEI (Reuters) - An orangutan chewed through her cage and went on a three-hour rampage at a Taiwan entertainment park until authorities subdued it with a stun gun, a park employee said Thursday.

The 19-year-old primate, named "Little Blackie," turned over iceboxes, garbage cans and motor scooters near the ticketing gates of Santao Mountain Entertainment Area in Kaohsiung County after her escape Wednesday, said a park worker surnamed Hsu.

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Another day, another wild animal on the loose.
[hr]
Alligator captured near Los Angeles lake

By GILLIAN FLACCUS, Associated Press Writer

LOS ANGELES - For months, the city's most famous reptile eluded paparazzi and faithful fans who gathered at the edge of a park lake to catch a glimpse of the A-list alligator. But when "Reggie" decided to come out, the gator did it in true Hollywood style: Swarmed by fans and photographers as it sunned by the water, the reptile was whisked away with a police escort as TV helicopters gave chase and broadcast live footage of the cagey critter's freeway journey to the zoo.

"We were petting him, talking to him," said City Councilwoman Janice Hahn, whose district includes the park. "I feel like I know him because I've invested a lot of time and energy in him."

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Another day, another--I JUST SAID THAT COMMENT!!!!
[hr]
Florida tries to wipe out cat-sized African rats

By Laura Myers

GRASSY KEY, Florida (Reuters) - Deep in the heart of the Florida Keys, wildlife officials are laying bait laced with poison to try to wipe out a colony of enormous African rats that could threaten crops and other animals.

U.S. federal and state officials are beginning the final phase of a two-year project to eradicate the Gambian pouched rats, which can grow to the size of a cat and began reproducing in the remote area about eight years ago.

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Why don't I say that this is the "Wild Animals" Edition and leave it at that?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]German mistakes subway for underground car park

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German mistook a subway entrance for an underground car park and her vehicle got stuck on the stairs, police said on Wednesday.

The 52-year-old drove her Volkswagen Beetle across the pavement in central Duesseldorf and into the entrance where it ground to a halt about five steps down, police said.

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Then it all goes downstairs from there.

In other mistaken judgement...
[hr]
Promotional fax mistaken for bomb threat

ASHLAND, Mass. (AP) - A faulty bank fax printed a message that was misinterpreted as a bomb threat Wednesday, leading authorities to evacuate more than a dozen neighboring businesses and a day care center.

The branch manager of the Bank of America called police about 10 a.m. after receiving a fax containing images of a lit match and a bomb with a fuse, bank spokesman Ernesto Anguilla said.

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Don't judge too quickly.
[hr]
Former soldier disabled by snake diet

SEOUL (Reuters) - A Seoul court has said a former South Korean soldier who fell ill after eating raw snakes during survival training is entitled to special benefits.

The court ruled earlier this week that the soldier, only identified by his family name Lee, suffered a parasitic infection by eating uncooked snakes during training in a special warfare unit where he was left in the field with no food.

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Training there must've been venomous.
[hr]
Couple sue Wal-Mart over slip in vomit

DAVENPORT, Iowa (AP) - A woman's fall in a puddle of vomit has resulted in a lawsuit against Wal-Mart. June Medema, slipped in the vomit at a Davenport Wal-Mart on June 13, 2005, according to the lawsuit, filed by Medema and her husband, James, in Scott County District Court earlier this month.

Medema claims that she was seriously injured in the fall.

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That story just makes me wanna--
[hr]
Musician canned for focus on wrong organ

NEW FRANKEN, Wis. - A Catholic priest has removed his church's organist and choir director from her duties saying her sale of sex toys was not "consistent with Church teachings."

Linette Servais, 50, played the organ and sung with the choir for 35 years. Much of her work as choir director and organist was done without pay. When her parish priest asked to meet with her, she thought it was to say thank you.

Instead, she was told to quit her sales job with company known as Pure Romance or she would lose her position in the church.

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Why do you think I stay away from stuff like that, whether its selling them or otherwise.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Bosnian in legal row over cow falling in mass grave

SARAJEVO (Reuters) - A Bosnian farmer is locked in a legal battle over the death of his cow, which he says drowned in a rain-filled mass grave from the 1992-95 war that authorities failed to refill after exhuming the bodies.

The grave was exhumed last year, uncovering the remains of 50 Bosnian Muslims killed by Bosnian Serb forces in the war. The farmer said the cow was stung by a gadfly and in its distress ran into the hole that was full of water after heavy rain.

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Why don't we settle this with some steak and A-1 sauce.
[hr]
Man says he captured Loch Ness on film

By BEN McCONVILLE, Associated Press Writer

EDINBURGH, Scotland - The Loch Ness monster is back — and there's video. A man has captured what Nessie watchers say is possible footage of the supposed mythical creature beneath Scotland's most mysterious lake.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this jet black thing, about 45 feet long, moving fairly fast in the water," said Gordon Holmes, the 55-year-old a lab technician from Shipley, Yorkshire, who took the video Saturday.

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Are you sure that's Loch Ness, or are the kids playing around with that costume?
[hr]
Study shows children good at approximate maths

By Julie Steenhuysen

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Children who had never been taught addition or subtraction were able to solve approximate maths problems involving large numbers, researchers said on Wednesday in a finding that reveals a new understanding of children's innate math ability.

They said children's early struggles with maths may be linked to the need to produce a precise number. Their finding could lead to better ways to teach math to young children.

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Interesting...
[hr]
Driver makes two U-turns on Interstate 5

MARYSVILLE, Wash. (AP) - A "confused" driver made two U-turns on Interstate 5, nearly causing two head-on crashes, then exited from the freeway before she could be stopped, state troopers said.

"I'm amazed, I'm stunned we didn't have a fatal collision," Washington State Patrol Trooper Kirk H. Rudeen said.

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He got lucky...otherwise, he'd be the next Darwin Awards nominee.
[hr]
Segways give N.Y. police a PR boost

By Chris Reiter

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New York City police have found a public relations boost in a two-wheeled scooter, welcome relief to a department criticized for suspected racism and excessive force.

The nation's largest police force added the electric scooter known as the Segway to its means of locomotion two weeks ago, joining some 300 other police departments that use them. The attempt to combat crime has also helped police connect with the public.

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And you don't have to be "White & Nerdy" to use one of 'em.
[hr]
Softball pitcher, 96, battles rival, 86

BALDWIN HARBOR, N.Y. (AP) - Between them, they had more than 150 years of experience. But in the end, seniority might still have been an advantage when a 93-year-old pitcher took on an 86-year-old rival in a seniors' softball game.

The elder pitcher, Mickey Werner, gave up just one run in three innings, helping his Long Island Senior Softball League team to a 9-6 win Wednesday. Opposing pitcher and relative youngster Paul Rotter allowed nine runs in six innings.

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It's Old vs. Old.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

Man falls off balcony in spitting contest

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 43-year-old German man was taken to hospital in critical condition after he fell off a second storey balcony during a spitting contest with his 12-year-old son, police said Friday.

A spokesman for the police in the eastern town of Cottbus said the man in Forst had apparently lost his balance after thrusting too far forward in his attempt to outspit his son.

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Why not just put a target on the walls to see if y'all can spit on the bullseye.
[hr]
Man wakes from 19-year coma in Poland

WARSAW, Poland (AP) - A railway worker who emerged from a 19-year coma woke to a radically altered Poland and thinks "the world is prettier now" than it was under communism, his wife said Sunday.

Gertruda Grzebska, 63, said that for years she fed her husband Jan carefully with a spoon and moved his body to prevent bed sores.

"For 19 years he did not move or say anything," Grzebska told The Associated Press by phone. "He tried to say things but it couldn't be understood. Sometimes we pretended we understood."

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Are you sure he's in a coma and not frozen?
[hr]
Hustler offers $1 million for sex smut on Congress

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Hustler magazine is looking for some scandalous sex in Washington again -- and willing to pay for it.

"Have you had a sexual encounter with a current member of the United States Congress or a high-ranking government official?" read a full-page advertisement taken out by Larry Flynt's pornographic magazine in Sunday's Washington Post.

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Not in Washington, not in Dallas, not EVER!!!
[hr]
Wild turkeys show up in Detroit suburb

FARMINGTON HILLS, Mich. (AP) - Wild turkeys have been showing up on the streets of this Detroit suburb, pecking at windows and eating from bird feeders.

The skittish birds are generally found in rural areas or large parks, but naturalists and wildlife experts say the turkeys could get used to life in this city of more than 78,000 people.

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Wow! I never knew there was Free-range Turkeys.

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Strikers have new gripe--no sex

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - South African workers striking over pay and benefits have a new complaint -- they no longer have the energy for sex.

Monroe Mkalipi, a regional chairman of the powerful COSATU federations of trade unions, complained that work conditions are so tough workers can't perform in the bedroom.

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Another day, another strike.
[hr]
1,683 guitarists play 'Smoke on Water'

KANSAS CITY, Kansas (AP) - More than 1,680 guitar players turned out, tuned up and took part in what organizers say was a world record rendition of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" — a song that was the first many of them ever learned.

Some came from as far away as California and Germany on Sunday to take part in a Kansas City radio station's effort to break a Guinness world record for the most people playing the same song simultaneously. The record had been 1,323 people playing the same song in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1994.

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I hope they're on the right key.
[hr]
Dead man rides on tram all night

ZAGREB (Reuters) - A Croatian man who boarded a night tram and died in his seat rode through the city for more than six hours before the driver discovered he was dead, a Croatian daily reported Monday.

The 61-year old, identified as Tomislav K., boarded a tram shortly before midnight Friday. He soon fell asleep and died as the tram rolled on through the night and most passengers trickled out, the Jutarnji List said.

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Oh my! I'd be freaked out too!
[hr]
8 sets of twins to graduate high school

RED BLUFF, Calif. (AP) - Pity the poor teachers who had to sort them out all these years. On Friday, eight sets of twins will graduate from Red Bluff Union High School. The 16 include three sets of identical twins and five pairs of fraternal twins. Four of them are brother-and-sister combinations.

"When you look alike and you are in the same class, your teacher often gets you mixed up," said twin Brittany Arnett.

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What are the chances of that happening?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Eating live frogs, rats "cures tummy upsets"

BEIJING (Reuters) - A man in southeast China says 40 years of swallowing tree frogs and rats live has helped him avoid intestinal complaints and made him strong.

Jiang Musheng, a 66-year-old resident of Jiangxi province, suffered from frequent abdominal pains and coughing from the age of 26, until an old man called Yang Dingcai suggested tree frogs as a remedy, the Beijing News said on Tuesday.

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What ever happen to taking some Pepto Bismol?
[hr]
Man sues over long-lasting erection

NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

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Someone has spiked it with Cialis.
[hr]
Radio station fined for bra removal contest

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - A Singapore radio station was fined for organizing a contest in which women were asked to remove their bra as quickly as possible from under their clothes.

Singapore's Media Development Authority said state-owned MediaCorp Radio would be fined S$15,000 ($9,800) for broadcasting "exploitative and inappropriate content" in its program "No Bra Days with the Muttons" in March.

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If it was on Pay-Per-Hear Satellite radio, that would be one thing.
[hr]
Ringtones used to trap stray leopards

AHMEDABAD, India (AP) - Those ubiquitous ringtones have reached the forests of western India, where leopards are answering their call.

So far six leopards that have strayed too close to villages have been lured into traps by ringtones playing the calls of roosters, goats and cows, said H.S. Singh, chief conservation research officer in the state of Gujarat.

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A sound is worth a thousand words, I suppose.

Staying on this Leopard topic...
[hr]
Mini-leopard cat comes with $22,000 price tag

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An exotic cat with the looks of a mini-leopard and a whopping $22,000 (11,000 pound) price tag has joined a crowded designer pet market that also features hypoallergenic kittens.

The Ashera is the result of blending the African Serval and the Asian Leopard Cat with a domestic cat, creating what Los Angeles-based Lifestyle Pets described this week as "the world's largest, rarest and most exotic domestic cat."

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If I was a millionaire, I would buy that cat.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Just add water - students invent alcohol powder

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch students have developed powdered alcohol which they say can be sold legally to minors.

The latest innovation in inebriation, called Booz2Go, is available in 20-gramme packets that cost 1-1.5 euros ($1.35-$2).

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Now, if there's a way to make "Sprite2Go".
[hr]
Teen finds 2.93-carat diamond along path

MURFREESBORO, Ark. (AP) - Walking along a path taken by thousands of others at the Crater of Diamonds State Park, Nicole Ruhter noticed something everyone else had missed — a tea-colored, 2.93-carat diamond.

Ruhter, 13, of Butler, Mo., said she would name her find the "Pathfinder Diamond" after pulling what she described as a broken pyramid from the ground. Her parents, grandparents, brother and two sisters had already spent the day digging in two other fields before heading down the path just after 7 p.m. Tuesday.

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How did he luck out?
[hr]
Hello toilet, goodbye WC for Beijing Games

BEIJING (Reuters) - Beijing's battle to standardize and correct English-language signs ahead of the 2008 Olympics has claimed another head -- "W.C.."

By the end of the year, all public conveniences in the city will be called "toilets" instead of the venerable, Victorian-era sounding abbreviation for "water closet," state media reported on Wednesday.

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Oh, I was think WC meant "Weather Channel".
[hr]
Exes fight over Atlanta Braves tickets

ATLANTA, Ga. (AP) - A woman is crying "Foul Ball!" about the way her ex-husband is distributing their behind-home-plate tickets to Atlanta Braves games.

H. Elizabeth King, a psychologist, accuses her ex, Charles Center, a lawyer, of breaking their 2002 divorce agreement on how to divide the tickets.

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"Foul Ball", huh?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Stolen keys delay start of military mission

WARSAW (Reuters) - Poland's 1,200 troops assigned to NATO forces in Afghanistan will not achieve full combat readiness for up to several weeks due to stolen vehicle keys, the defense ministry said Thursday.

"We had been told a 10 percent theft rate was likely in convoys brought in from Pakistan, but we had not expected the spare car keys to go missing," defense ministry spokesman Jaroslaw Rybak told news channel TVN24.

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That means anybody can use the keys.
[hr]
Cops raid wrong place, kick man in groin

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) - Annapolis police raided the wrong apartment Wednesday night, using flash grenades and kicking a resident in the groin before they realized their mistake, police and the family said.

Police spokesman Hal Dalton said something must have gone amiss in the briefing beforehand. "We don't know how the mistake was made," Dalton said.

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Wait a minute, that's Tom Sizemore!
[hr]
Angry Aceh residents disable tsunami warning system

BANDA ACEH, Indonesia (Reuters) - Angry residents in Indonesia's Aceh have disabled a tsunami warning system after a false alarm spread panic in a province still traumatized by the deadly 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, an official said Thursday.

Residents cut power to a siren on a tsunami warning tower in the Lhoknga area near the provincial capital Banda Aceh by smashing an electricity box, Syahnan Sobri, the head of the meteorology and geophysics agency in Aceh said.

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BIG MISTAKE!!!
[hr]
Watch lost in WWI returned to grandsons

SIOUX CITY, Iowa (AP) - A World War I veteran's watch lost nearly 90 years ago, has stood the test of time. William B. Gill lost his watch in France, where he served in the U.S. Army. Another man, Carl Grothaus, won it in a poker game and brought it back to South Dakota.

Grothaus searched to no avail for the owner based on an engraving on the back: "W.B. Gill, Sioux City, IA, U.S.A."

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ANother day, another lucky return.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Three detained for high-tech exam cheating

BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese police have detained three people for running a high-tech cheating scam involving wireless microphones during the national college entrance exam, Xinhua news agency said Friday.

A record 10 million Chinese high school students sat for the exam Thursday and Friday, competing for just 5.7 million university places.

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Cheaters never prosper in the long run.
[hr]
Smile! Your boss may be watching!

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) - Government employees in a Malaysian state are being monitored by security cameras to keep them from slacking off at work or vanishing for long tea breaks, a news report said Monday.

Sixteen closed-circuit television cameras were installed recently to improve security in northeastern Terengganu state's main government administrative complex, but they serve an additional purpose of keeping tabs on some 1,000 workers there, Terengganu State Secretary Mokhtar Nong told The Star newspaper.

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(As K-Fed) "What? Rollin' VIP. What? Rollin' VIP. What--"
BOSS: FEDERLINE, get back to work!
[hr]
Controversial Islamist author slams Darwin

By Thomas Grove

ISTANBUL (Reuters) - The controversial author of books advocating an Islamic version of creationism claimed on Friday modern science had no monopoly on truth and insisted that his views were gaining ground.

In a bizarre news conference held aboard a luxury yacht off Istanbul's northern Bosphorus shores near the mouth of the Black Sea, Adnan Oktar, also known by his pen-name Harun Yahya, said the evils of the world were a direct result of Darwinism.

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Sounds like someone's sales are going to devolve.
[hr]
Illinois boy discovers blue-eyed cicada

DOWNERS GROVE, Ill. (AP) - It was a one-in-a-million find. Literally. Most of the 17-year cicadas that have emerged in recent weeks in parts of the Midwest have red eyes. But a 6-year-old boy in this Chicago suburb found a rare blue-eyed one in his backyard Friday.

Nicholas Wagner's mother, Maria, said her son learned about the blue-eyed bugs in kindergarten, so he decided to go out and hunt for one himself.

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Amazing![/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Two jailed after bridge built by blind man collapses

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese court has jailed two officials after they let a blind contractor build a bridge which collapsed during construction and injured 12 people, the official Xinhua news agency said Monday.

Huang Wenge, township head of Bujia in the southeastern province of Jiangxi, and colleague Xia Jianzhong were sentenced to 18 months and one year in jail, respectively, for not stopping the project, Xinhua said.

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Just let "The Three Stooges" construct a bridge...wait a minute, that's gonna produce the same result.
[hr]
Jumping sturgeon injures woman in Fla.

ROCK BLUFF, Fla. - A woman was injured over the weekend by a leaping sturgeon, the latest incident involving the flying fish on the Suwannee River, officials said.

Tara Spears, 32, of Bell, was knocked unconscious by the animal on Sunday while boating on the river north of Rock Bluff, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reported.

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I suppose that's part of the domino effect on that bridge, huh?
[hr]
The plane in Spain gives passengers a pain...

MADRID (Reuters) - A pilot told nervous passengers traveling with a low-cost Spanish airline that nearly half the seats on their plane were out of use due to a safety problem but it was nothing to worry about, a Spanish newspaper reported.

As passengers took their seats on the Lisbon to Madrid flight operated by Vueling Airlines Sunday they noticed that all but three of the 32 rows on one side of the plane were taped off, according to an El Mundo reporter among the travelers.

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Well, guess who's not flying in that plane...
[hr]
Teen: Toilet water cleaner than fountain

NORTH BEND, Ore. (AP) - Middle School student Kyleray Katherman had a hunch something was amiss with the school's drinking fountain water. And right he was.

For an English assignment, he tested the bacteria content at four water fountains and one toilet to challenge a ban on students from bringing bottled water to class. It seems some were using it to sneak in alcohol.

Guess which was cleaner? It wasn't the water fountains.

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The fountains must've picked up reclaimed water.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]The wurst new flavors you can imagine...

BERLIN (Reuters) - Hoping to spice up their summer business, German butchers have introduced a new line of exotic-tasting sausages with flavors ranging from kiwi, maraschino cherry, lemon and even aloe vera.

The wide variety of new ingredients may seem like heresy to what is for many ordinary Germans the national dish. But for others the new flavors may help negate stagnant demand for the greasy Bratwurst you can find on almost any street corner.

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Another reason for some to buy Bratwurst.

In other oddly-flavored foods and drinks...
[hr]
Cucumber-flavored soda sold in Japan

TOKYO (AP) - Japanese are staying cool as a cucumber this summer with "Pepsi Ice Cucumber" — a new soda based on the crisp green gourd.

The soft drink, which hit stores here on Tuesday, doesn't actually have any cucumber in it — but has been artificially flavored to resemble "the refreshing taste of a fresh cucumber," said Aya Takemoto, spokeswoman of Japan's Pepsi distributor, Suntory Ltd.

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Sounds like a good idea...at first.
[hr]
China city turns to air raid shelters to beat heat

BEIJING (Reuters) - A southwestern Chinese city renowned as a "furnace" during the summer has opened up its warren of old air raid shelters to help people beat the heat, state media said on Tuesday.

Chongqing, China's World War Two capital, would be able to accommodate 10,000 people in the shelters, which are aimed at low-income residents, Xinhua news agency said.

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Yep, summer is in full swing...weather-wise.
[hr]
Politician offended by landfill ice cream

NEW YORK (AP) - One Staten Island politician apparently doesn't have a sweet tooth for a locally-made vanilla ice cream with brownie chunks and cherries.

That's because the ice cream in question, marketed under the moniker "Staten Island Landfill," is "insulting and derogatory," borough president James Molinaro wrote in a letter on his Web site, in which he calls for a boycott of the treat, which is also packed with heart-shaped chocolate "crunchies" and fudge.

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Just be lucky you're not having any Hamwinkies.[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Bush robbed? Not on my watch!

TIRANA (Reuters) - Reports that President George W. Bush had his wristwatch stolen while shaking hands with Albanians on his weekend visit are false, Albanian police and the U.S. embassy said Tuesday.

"The story is untrue and the president did not lose his watch," a spokesman for the embassy in Tirana said.

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Bush? Robbed? Never!
[hr]
Hawk, escaped lamb roam NYC streets

NEW YORK (AP) - A hawk down in midtown Manhattan? Another bird of prey grounded across town? A lamb on the lam in the Bronx? True. All in one day. The series of animal adventures began around 10 a.m. Wednesday when a former parks commissioner reported spotting a hawk that had crash landed. At about 11:30 a.m., several blocks away, came a report of another wounded bird, this time an American kestrel.

The birds were rescued by the Department of Parks and Recreation, which determined they were 7-week-old fledglings shaken up while testing their wings. Both were expected to recover and be returned to the wilds of Manhattan, where a growing population of birds of prey nests on high-rises and feasts on squirrels, rats and pigeons, said the current parks commissioner, Adrian Benepe.

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AMBUSH!!
[hr]
Stressed execs get to smash hotel rooms

MADRID (Reuters) - A Spanish hotel chain is running a competition for stressed executives to let off steam in a fashion usually reserved for rock stars -- by smashing hotel rooms.

NH Hoteles will allow 30 people chosen by a team of psychologists to help demolish the interior of the 11-year old NH Alcala hotel in central Madrid as part of its refurbishment, it said.

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Now if the City of Irving, TX would let execs here venrt their problems by demolishing condemned apartment complexes.
[hr]
Angry squirrel finished off by crutch

BERLIN (AP) - An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off.

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Couldn't the squirrel vent his problems by demolishing a hotel?[/font]

[TexasStooge]

[font=Arial]Man fails school exams on 38th try

JAIPUR, India (Reuters) - A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams -- normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 -- every year since 1969, without success.

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No Brain, No Bride I suppose...wait a minute, here's some breaking news on this guy:
[hr]
Man fails high school exams 39 times

JAIPUR, India (AP) - A 73-year-old man who failed his 10th grade high school exams for the 39th time vowed Friday to try again next year in the hopes that an education will improve his job and marriage prospects.

Shivcharan Jatav, a farmer from the desert state of Rajasthan in western India, had no formal education as a child. He has been trying to pass the exams since 1969, when an army recruiter told him it would improve his chances of being accepted into the military.

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It really makes me wonder if he's "Smarter than a 5th Grader".
[hr]
Text in time saves nimble-fingered teen

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian teen-ager woken by a night-time noise dashed off a warning text message to her mother just in time to be rescued from an intruder who burst into her bedroom.

Alerted by the mother's screams, relatives rushed to the rescue, breaking down a door and scaring off the man, who escaped through the back of the house, the New Straits Times said.

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Amazing what today's technology can do.
[hr]
'Cream of Wheat' man gets grave marker

LESLIE, Mich. (AP) - A man widely believed to be the model for the smiling chef on Cream of Wheat boxes finally has a grave marker bearing his name.

Frank L. White died in 1938, and until this week, his grave in Woodlawn Cemetery bore only a tiny concrete marker with no name.

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That's great! What took them so long?[/font]