"Hamwinkies" The Crazy News Thread

[TexasStooge]

Red Bull pulls nativity ad

ROME (Reuters) - An angry Italian priest has persuaded soft drinks company Red Bull to withdraw an advertisement setting its product in a nativity scene on the grounds it is disrespectful to Christianity.

Father Marco Damanti, from Sicily, wrote to the makers of the caffeinated energy drink denouncing their commercial as "a blasphemous act" and said on Monday he had received a prompt reply promising to remove it from Italian television.

Full Story Here
------------------------------------------------------------------
Did it say: "Red Wings Gives You Bull"?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

In icy Alaska, Army can be sued over fall

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - An injured woman who slipped in an Alaskan parking lot can sue the federal government for failing to remove snow and ice, a U.S. Court of Appeals ruled Monday.

Carol Bolt has been permanently disabled since April 1999, when she broke her ankle outside her U.S. Army apartment in Fort Wainwright, Alaska, where winter temperatures fall to as low as -65 F degrees (-54 C).

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
And many weather men in Hawaii will be sued for predicting snow in that state.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Oldest surviving Rolls-Royce sets two new records

By Jeremy Lovell

LONDON (Reuters) - The world's oldest surviving Rolls-Royce revved up two new records on Monday when a private British collector paid 3.5 million pounds ($7.22 million) for it at auction.

The price makes the veteran vehicle not only the most ever paid for a pre-1905 car but also the most for a Rolls-Royce.

"They opened the bidding at one million and it soared from there. In the end it came down to a battle between two telephone bidders," a spokeswoman for auction house Bonhams said.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
I'm drivin' da ol' Rolls, has old woodgrain wheel, yo.

[TexasStooge]

Protest over shop-till-you-drop tour

HONG KONG (Reuters) - Macau riot police were called in to calm down 120 angry Chinese tourists on a wind-swept beach who had protested angrily to tour guides over an itinerary too packed with shopping.

Around two dozen police with batons and riot shields faced off with the tourists from China's Hubei province for nearly five hours Tuesday night in the booming casino enclave of Macau, Hong Kong cable television and the Apple Daily newspaper said.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you don't wanna go to the Shop-til-you-drop hour, don't go.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Residents: Menorah dwarfs Christmas tree

LONG BEACH, N.Y. (AP) - Residents didn't want to have themselves a merry little Christmas tree. They wanted a big one.

When city officials planted a 7-foot-tall Christmas tree next to a 20-foot-tall menorah in the plaza in front of City Hall, some residents barked. They telephoned City Hall, wrote letters and testified at a public hearing that the tiny tree in the shadow of the huge Hanukkah symbol was an insult to Christians.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

stuff star politician auctions breast implants

By Dan Whitcomb

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Reuters) - stuff star Mary Carey, who shot to fame by running for California governor against Arnold Schwarzenegger, unveiled plans on Tuesday to auction off her autographed, recently removed breast implants for charity.

Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Wait a minute, stuff Stars are bad examples for Politicians...or are some politicians secret stuff Stars?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Dog blamed in fish frying grease blaze

TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) - Firefighters said a grease fire that left $50,000 in damage to a Topeka home erupted after a dog shut a woman out of the house while fish was frying on the stove.

Authorities said the woman was taking garbage outside Tuesday evening when the dog somehow shut the door behind her. Firefighters arrived to find heavy smoke with flames shooting from the roof of the home.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
I thought Nelly (rap artist) said "the fish don't fry in the kitchen".

[TexasStooge]

Hairdresser finds bank vault plans in trash

BERLIN (Reuters) - A Berlin hairdresser discovered top-secret plans for a safety vault at the Bundesbank's Berlin branch in a bin, the German central bank said Thursday.

Only four weeks ago, the bank's building in western Berlin was officially opened after renovation work which cost about 150 million euros ($221 million).

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Well, well, well...
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Boy wins $10,000 for toy roller coaster

By VERENA DOBNIK, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Ian Culhane won $10,000 for designing a 7-foot-tall toy roller coaster. Not bad for a 10-year-old.

"It's money for college," the aspiring engineer from Olympia, Wash., said Thursday about the savings bond.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If I was only THAT lucky.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

"Dead" canoeist's photo genuine, says wife

By Paul Majendie

LONDON (Reuters) - The wife of a man who was presumed to have drowned five years ago in a canoeing accident has told British newspapers that a photo of them taken together in Panama last year was genuine.

John Darwin was arrested this week on suspicion of fraud after walking into a London police station and telling officers he believed they might be looking for him.

Full Story Here
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Darn it! We're incognito, remember?"
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Here honey, Merry Christmas!!!

YULEE, Fla. (AP) - Stumped about what to give that special someone this Christmas? How about some rhino poop? The International Rhino Foundation is auctioning separately on eBay four pieces of dung from the endangered species and will use the proceeds to fund conservation efforts.

The pieces come from four of the five types of rhino: white, black, Indian and Sumatran. The Javan rhino is so rare, a sample could not be collected.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
That's worst than getting a lump of coal.

[TexasStooge]

Cremator dumps half-burned bodies to save fuel

HONG KONG (Reuters) - China's worst fuel crunch in years has led a crematorium to dump half-burnt corpses to try saving on diesel costs, a Hong Kong newspaper said on Friday.

Villagers in Hengyang county, in the southern province of Hunan, discovered the practice when an "unbearable stench" started coming from the site, and tried to block a road on Wednesday to stop funeral vehicles from delivering more bodies.

Full Story Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
Who's crunching their fuel, anyway?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

81-year-old Scotch sells for $54,000

NEW YORK (AP) - A bottle of 81-year-old Scotch sold for $54,000 at this New York's first liquor auction since Prohibition.

An anonymous collector bought the pricey potable at Christie's sale of wines and spirits on Saturday.

Full Story Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
My suggestion: DON'T DRINK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Neglect of parents a criminal offence

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Indians who neglect their ageing parents face possible prison under a new law passed by worried politicians.

The law, passed late on Thursday, reflects concerns that rapid modernization and a growth in nuclear families is undermining a centuries-old social fabric of extended families.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
I think that's only fair.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Cougar nearly joins SD woman in hot tub

DEADWOOD, S.D. (AP) - A relaxing soak in a hot tub came to an abrupt end when Marlene Todd came eye to eye with a mountain lion in her backyard.

"I was kind of hidden, sitting with my back up against the side of the tub, and I heard a little rustling sound in the needles right beside me," she said.

Todd said she thought it might have been her house cat until she saw "this big, tan, hairy body" just 4 inches away.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
That's some house cat there. While we're on the subject of animals and water...
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Horse survives plunge into frozen pool

DORSET, Vt. (AP) - A horse was rescued after accidentally taking an icy plunge in a swimming pool. Jet, a 6-year-old quarterhorse, walked onto the frozen in-ground pool Thursday and broke through six inches of ice into about 3 1/2 feet of water, becoming trapped.

"It just looked like a meadow to him, and he stepped on the ice," said his owner, Janet Waite.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
WILBURRRRRRRR!

[TexasStooge]

Man freed after 100 hours trapped in a lavatory

LONDON (Reuters) - A retired Scottish school teacher was recovering on Monday after spending nearly four days trapped inside a men's toilet with no food or mobile phone.

David Leggat was locked inside the bathroom at a lawn bowling club near the Scottish city of Aberdeen after the door jammed and the handle on the outside fell off.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
(As R. Kelly) "Man, this is some crazy (bleep), I'm trapped in the bathroom..."
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Man finds park's 1,000th diamond of '07

MURFREESBORO, Ark. (AP) - Denis Tyrrell was walking past a hole he'd filled in while searching for gems at Crater of Diamonds State Park, when he saw a sparkle. The 3.48-carat diamond turned out to the biggest that diamond Tyrrell had found in regular digs that he began in March. The stone is also the 1,000th diamond found at the park this year, a mark last reached in 1994, park interpreter Kim Garland said Monday.

Tyrrell, 48, made his find Sunday afternoon in soil that had come from the top layer of dirt where he dug.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Isn't he lucky?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Hands off Christmas, say religious leaders

By Paul Majendie

LONDON (Reuters) - Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims joined Britain's equality watchdog Monday in urging Britons to enjoy Christmas without worrying about offending non-Christians.

"It's time to stop being daft about Christmas. It's fine to celebrate and it's fine for Christ to be star of the show," said Trevor Phillips, chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, it's about freakin' time! I'm with them on this issue.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

100 million pennies displayed in NYC

NEW YORK (AP) - One hundred million pennies for your thoughts on the latest display in Rockefeller Center. New York first lady Silda Wall Spitzer joined hundreds of public school children on Monday to unveil a mass of $1 million in pennies collected for charity. The display, called the Penny Harvest Field, includes an estimated 100 million pennies — plus a few nickels, dimes and quarters that slipped in by mistake.

The exhibit, 30 feet by 165 feet, as long as a city block, is the culmination of the nonprofit organization Common Cents' 17th annual Penny Harvest, a national educational program designed to teach children about their value as contributors to society. Hundreds of thousands of city students from more than 800 schools spent the weeks between Oct. 22 and Thanksgiving going door to door and collecting the pennies, which will be donated to organizations of their choice for causes such as protecting the environment and helping the elderly

Full Story and Photo Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Cha-Ching!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________________

25-lb turkey flies through man's window

TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. (AP) - The noise that Chuck Ritter heard while sitting in his living room was a turkey that crashed through a third-story bedroom window. Ritter, 83, was relaxing Saturday when the uninvited guest arrived.

Ritter called Joe Battaglia, the on-call maintenance workers at his Traverse City apartment, and they tried to corral the 25-pound bird as it flapped around on the carpet amid blood and shards of glass.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
I see instant lunch and dinner!

[TexasStooge]

Prisoner gets compensation over cockroaches

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli judge has ordered the country's prison authority to pay an inmate over $1,000 in compensation after he complained of having to share a cell with cockroaches.

Mordechai Yehudai filed a lawsuit complaining of poor hygiene, a lack of fresh air, broken windows and inmates who smoke in a handful of cells, a spokeswoman for the Israel Prisons Service said

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------
I thought that's what prison life is all about.
___________________________________________________________________

Balloons for teacher travel 900 miles

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A colorful bunch of balloons inflated to honor a beloved teacher who died of leukemia broke free and traveled more than 900 miles to a South Dakota cornfield.

"The balloons were still full of air," said Michael Beadle, who recently discovered them while deer hunting near Onaka, S.D.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------
That's an awesome thing the kids did.
___________________________________________________________________

Race car driver taxi driver to catch flight

BERLIN (Reuters) - Michael Schumacher can add the unofficial title of Germany's fastest taxi driver to his other achievements after taking over behind the wheel to get his family to the airport on time.

The retired Formula One champion drove the cab back to the airport himself after a trip out to the village of Gehuelz, near Coburg in southern Germany, left the family short of time to make their flight home, the Muenchner Abendzeitung newspaper reported.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------
History in the making...the odd way.
___________________________________________________________________

Merriam-Webster's word of '07: 'w00t'

By STEPHANIE REITZ, Associated Press Writer

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. - A colorful bunch of balloons inflated to honor a beloved teacher who died of leukemia broke free and traveled more than 900 miles to a South Dakota cornfield.

"The balloons were still full of air," said Michael Beadle, who recently discovered them while deer hunting near Onaka, S.D.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------
Just when I thought I've seen and heard it all.

[TexasStooge]

Teen caller tricks White House

REYKJAVIK (Reuters) - A teen-ager says he convinced the White House he was Iceland's president and managed to schedule a call with George W. Bush but was found out before he got to talk to the U.S. president.

"My call was transferred around a few times until I got hold of Bush's secretary and managed to book a call meeting with Bush the following Monday evening," Vifill Atlason, 16, told Reuters.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Don't fool them twice, or shame on you.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

'Danger: Avoid Death' contest winner

By RON VAMPLE, Associated Press Writer

DETROIT - Words to live by, from a warning label on a small tractor: "Danger: Avoid Death." That warning was selected Wednesday as the winner of the 11th annual "Wacky Warning Label Contest," sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. The contest is part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb, won the $500 grand prize for submitting the tractor's "Danger: Avoid Death" label.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
I think it meant "Danger: Avoid If Squeamish".
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Pilot recounts eight days lost in bush

By Daniel Wallis

NAIROBI (Reuters) - A Kenyan pilot who survived more than a week eating leaves and drinking his urine after crashing in dense forest says he will continue flying, despite cheating death in his second accident in two years.

Capt. Solomon Nyanjui was feared dead after his helicopter went missing during a November 15 flight from Isiolo town to the capital Nairobi. But heavy vegetation had cut his speed as he lost power and crashed near snow-capped Mount Kenya.

Full Story Here
------------------------------------------------------------
I'm glad he lives to tell about it...just don't wanna know about the leaves and the (you know what) part. He'll probably have to eat several packs of Hamwinkies to get the bad taste out of his mouth.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Contractor, owner feud over hidden cash

CLEVELAND (AP) - A contractor who helped discover bundles of Depression-era U.S. currency totaling $182,000 hidden behind bathroom walls said the homeowner should turn the money over to him or at least share it.

Bob Kitts said his feud with the owner of the 83-year house, a former high school classmate, has deteriorated to the point where they speak to each other only through lawyers.

[url=http://real-us.news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071213/ap_on_fe_st/odd_house_hidden_money]Full Story Here
[/url]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You keep forgetting, I'm the Scrooge! It's ALL MINE!!!"

[TexasStooge]

Banning samurai swords

LONDON (Reuters) - The government said Wednesday it would ban the sale of samurai swords because the weapons had been used in a number of serious, high-profile attacks.

The Home Office said the swords would be added to the Offensive Weapons Order from April next year, meaning they could not be imported, sold or hired.

Full Story Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
Here we go again with people using collectibles as weapons.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Keep Christmas cake Italian, panettone makers say

ROME (Reuters) - Italy already has strict rules governing the origin and quality of its wine, while Parmigiano parmesan cheese can only be made in Parma and regulations on "Italian" olive oil are being tightened.

Now Christmas cake has become the latest product that the government and manufacturers want to protect from foreign imitations.

Full Story Here
--------------------------------------------------------------
What's that gonna stop imitators?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Japan over 65s do more shoplifting

TOKYO (Reuters) - Crimes by older people in Japan jumped threefold this year compared with a decade ago, domestic media reported on Friday.

About 45,000 people over 65 were prosecuted between January and November, nearly half of them for shoplifting, the daily Tokyo Shimbun said.

Assaults by older people rose to 1,700 from just 100 in the same period a decade ago, it quoted the National Police Agency as saying.

Full Story Here
------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Good, The Bad, and The Elderly"
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Romanian discovers he was declared dead

By DRAGOS BOTA, Associated Press Writer

TIMISOARA, Romania - A Romanian man had his bid to renew his identity papers rejected because official records said he had died more than eight years ago. Gheorghe Stirbu, 61, a retiree, went to authorities last week to have his identity card reissued because the old one had expired.

But the clerk said he couldn't issue new papers because the office had a death certificate showing that Stirbu himself had expired on March 3, 1999, from breathing difficulties, and been buried the same month.

Full Story Here
--------------------------------------------------------------
He must've stepped into..."The Twilight Zone".

[TexasStooge]

You think Christmas trees grow on trees?

RIGA (Reuters) - Latvian authorities have given residents something to cheer about when they invited them to cut their own Christmas trees for free -- only to be chased away by forest rangers.

A Riga forestry agency said on Wednesday a state body had invited residents to cut their trees from forests located 50 km (30 miles) or more outside the capital, but people had instead descended on protected areas around the city.

Full Story Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
Wait, doesn't the major stores sell real trees?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Wis. man graduates college at age 87

MILWAUKEE (AP) - A 50-year gap in his higher education didn't stop Clarence Garrett.

After returning to college in spring of 2006 as a full-time student, Garrett completed course work at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and was awarded his bachelor's degree at commencement ceremonies Sunday — at the age of 87.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, you're never too old to graduate, I suppose.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Lonely guy shocked to get $83,000 phone bill

By Claire Sibonney

TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian oil-field worker, stunned to get a C$85,000 ($83,700) cell phone bill, has had the charges reduced to C$3,400, but is still fighting them.

Piotr Staniaszek, a 22-year-old oil and gas well tester in rural northwest Alberta, became a figure of international media attention this week when his father went to the press to complain about the size of his son's bill.

Full Story Here
--------------------------------------------------------------
Are you sure his son's not lonely and bored with himself?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Newlyweds skydive to celebrate

HAZLETON, Pa. (AP) - Talk about taking the plunge. Jeanie Dulski and Jamy Knittle actually took two plunges on Friday: First, they got married at Hazleton Municipal Airport, then they went skydiving.

As Dulski explained it: "Getting married is scarier than jumping out of a plane."

Hazleton Mayor Lou Barletta performed the ceremony on the ground for Dulski and Knittle, both 30. About 45 minutes later, the bride and groom took a plane up to 10,000 feet and leaped out.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
When they go for broke, there's no turning back.

[TexasStooge]

Property bust? Lunar land prices are rocketing

LONDON (Reuters) - Property investors smarting from this year's housing bust in the United States might do well to look farther afield -- even out of this world.

Internet searches for lunar land prices show the cost of buying an acre of the moon's surface has risen 40 percent since the start of 2007, investment bank UBS told clients in a tongue-in-cheek analysis.

Full Story Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
Let's shoot this house to the moon.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

N.D. bank giving workers money to donate

FARGO, N.D. (AP) - A bank is giving its full-time employees $1,000 each and part-time employees $500 each. There's one condition — use it for people in need.

State Bank & Trust Chief Operating Officer Michael Solberg said each full-time employee will receive $1,000 and each part-time employee will receive $500, as part of a $502,000 "Pay it Forward" initiative.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
That's easy for me...but then again, it's easier said than done for some.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Amsterdam to clean up "Red Light" district

By Emma Thomasson

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The city of Amsterdam announced plans Monday to clean up its infamous "red light" district to fight human trafficking, money laundering and drug abuse and replace prostitutes' windows with upmarket boutiques.

Amsterdam Mayor Job Cohen told a news conference he wanted to clamp down on the organized criminals whose growing influence has corrupted the historic city center.

Full Story Here
--------------------------------------------------------------
That's the most sensible thing a major cit has ever done.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Police reward good drivers with coffee

RANCHO CORDOVA, Calif. (AP) - Happy holidays. Now pull over to the side of the road.

Motorists may be in for a surprise if they spot flashing red lights in their rearview mirrors in this Sacramento suburb during the holiday season.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Award me with hot apple cider instead, and it's even better.

[TexasStooge]

Jingle-bang! Santa's chopper shot up over slum

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - Not even Santa Claus is safe as the violent Brazilian city of Rio de Janeiro celebrates the Christmas season.

Drug traffickers in a Rio slum opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children's party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
That "Jingle Bell Rock"ed his day.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Bride to tie knot in toilet paper dress

NEW YORK - Here comes the bride, all dressed in white ... two-ply, extra soft toilet paper. Lovebirds Jennifer Cannon and Doy Nichols of Lexington, Ky., plan to get hitched Wednesday in a public restroom. She'll be wearing a gown fashioned from glue, tape and Charmin Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong toilet tissue.

The intricately detailed dress was designed by Hanah Kim, winner of the 2007 Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest, sponsored by Cheap-Chic-Weddings.com.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, no matter where you are, there'll always be Rednecks.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Teacher arrested for giving kids shocks

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian teacher has been arrested for using electric shocks to discipline his students, TV news channels reported on Wednesday.

The teacher gave 22 students mild shocks using equipment in the science laboratory at a school in the western state of Maharashtra, NDTV reported.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Don't tase me, Professor!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Man wrestles, subdues deer at Md. home

MONROVIA, Md. (AP) - A man subdued a deer that ran through the front picture window of his house. Martin "Pete" Castle wrestled the beast to the floor in the living room, and carried it out through the garage door, when Frederick County Animal Control officers took over.

"My couch is ruined," says Castle's wife, Robin. She had to clean blood off her computer, printer and coffee table.

Full Story Here
------------------------------------------------------------
Now he has the "Deer In The Headlights" look after seeing the damage.

[TexasStooge]

100 arrested for not having toilets

KAMPALA (Reuters) - Local authorities have arrested at least 100 Ugandans for failing to build toilets in their homes in the midst of a cholera epidemic that has killed 8 people and infected 164, state media reported Wednesday.

"We cannot watch as people die (of cholera)," northwestern Bulisa district administrator Norbert Turyahikayo told the New Vision daily, justifying the arrest of Ugandans found to have huts with no pit latrines Tuesday.

Full Article Here
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well...
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Helping son's parties no laughing matter

LAKE ELSINORE, Calif. - The mother of a 13-year-old boy has been arrested for supplying nitrous oxide, or laughing gas, used during her son's ditch parties at their Lake Elsinore home.

Maria Antonia Mendez was arrested for providing the gas used by the teens to get high. Riverside County sheriff's Sgt. Evan Petersen says the teens skipped school and hung out at the home.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------
Why do you think I don't go to parties like these?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Even CEOs think CEOs are overpaid?

BOSTON (Reuters) - With many U.S. chief executives taking home millions of dollars in pay, it is no shock that average workers regards them as overpaid. But that attitude extends to the corner office as well.

Sixty-four percent of top executives view CEO compensation as excessive, according to survey released on Tuesday.

Full Story Here
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What took them so long to think that?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Merry Christmas? No. Mary Christmas!

AMERICAN FORK, Utah (AP) - Merry Christmas to you, Mary Christmas. That's what the former Mary Young is hearing this holiday season, after she married Brian Christmas earlier this year.

"It was meant to be," Mary Christmas told the Daily Herald of Provo. "God has a sense of humor. What are the chances that it would ever happen?"

Full Name Change Here
----------------------------------------------------------------
Mary, Mary, not quite contrary, Mary is now Merry after she Married.

[TexasStooge]

Should we go back for those, Sarge?

BELGRADE (Reuters) - Boxes of hand grenades tumbled out of a Serb Army truck Thursday when the driver pulled up to pay his highway toll, officials in southern Serbia said.

The toll-gate was sealed off and the bomb squad called in to recover 18 cases of grenades, part of a bigger shipment on its way for safe destruction at a military facility.

Full Story Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A little too late to go back for those, don't ya think?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Man, 60, sues boy, 8, over ski collision

VAIL, Colo. (AP) - A 60-year-old man is taking an 8-year-old boy and his dad to court, claiming the boy caused a ski-slope collision that left the older man with a shoulder injury.

David J. Pfahler of Allentown, Pa., sued in federal court in Denver, claiming Scott Swimm, then 7, was skiing fast and recklessly when they collided in January, the Vail Daily reported Thursday.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't make me bring up the lyrics to Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

"Don't Tase Me, Bro" tops '07 memorable quote list

By Arthur Spiegelman

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - "Don't Tase Me, Bro," a phrase that swept the nation after a college student used it seeking to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech by Sen. John Kerry, was named on Wednesday as the most memorable quote of 2007.

Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations, said the plea made by University of Florida student Andrew Meyer on September 17, accompanied by Meyer's screams as he was tased, beat out the racial slur that cost shock jock Don Imus his job and the Iranian president's declaration that his country does not have homosexuals.

Full Shocking Story and more Memorable Quotes Here
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't tase me, Papi!!"
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Dog's warning saves woman from fire

EAGAN, Minn. (AP) - Woman's best friend? A dog who saves her from a fire. Cathy Minnig was exercising on her basement treadmill Wednesday night, wearing music headphones, when her Labrador puppy, Riley, began jumping on and off the couch and otherwise acting strange.

Fire Chief Mike Scott said Minnig took off her headphones to hear fire alarms. She ran upstairs to find her living room engulfed in flames. Minnig grabbed the dog and ran outside, Scott said.

Full Story Here
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, animals are people too.

[TexasStooge]

Due to the Christmas Holidays, the weirdness will take a break until Wednesday...or will it?

[TexasStooge]

Kyrgyzstan touted as ideal delivery hub for Santa

BISHKEK (Reuters) - Seeking a novel remedy to revive its rickety economy, the tiny ex-Soviet state of Kyrgyzstan has declared itself the new home of Santa Claus.

Citing Swedish engineering firm that determined the ideal spot for Santa's global toy delivery hub, officials in this predominantly Muslim country have quickly moved to capitalize on the finding.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Seems like we'll have a Second Santa, come next year.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Cards from heaven have dead man talking

ASHLAND, Ore. (AP) - Even in death, Chet Fitch is a card. Fitch, known for his sense of humor, died in October at age 88 but gave his friends and family a start recently: Christmas cards, 34 of them, began arriving — written in his hand with a return address of "Heaven."

The greeting read: "I asked Big Guy if I could sneak back and send some cards. At first he said no; but at my insistence he finally said, 'Oh well, what the heaven, go ahead but don't (tarry) there.' Wish I could tell you about things here but words cannot explain.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Even dead people do talk...we just don't know how.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Clinton urges Iowa voters to caucus on wrong day

DES MOINES (Reuters) - Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton may have shot herself in the foot trying to get Iowa voters to pledge support to her -- she is encouraging them to go caucus on January 14, 11 days too late.

At a rally featuring her husband, former U.S. President Bill Clinton on Saturday, campaign workers asked supporters to sign and mail cards that said "Yes! I'm an Iowan for Hillary" with their contact information as well as other supportive friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Now we know who's gonna get the leat amount of votes.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Woman gets surprise wedding for Xmas

WATERFORD, Wis. (AP) - Some people get surprise birthday parties. Ilda Ruth Southey gets surprise weddings.

Twice in her life Southey was surprised with a wedding ceremony on Christmas Eve, both times to Francis Southey.
--------------------------------------------------------------
That's the best Christmas Present anyone could have.

[TexasStooge]

Go ahead, egg my Hummer

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Hummer owner in Russia's second city St. Petersburg has given antiglobalists the green light to pelt his oversized vehicle with rotten eggs, Russian news agencies reported on Wednesday.

"Peter Antiglobalist" activists told news agency RIA they found a driver willing to let them express their dissatisfaction with consumerism by throwing things at his luxury sport utility vehicle, a spokesman said
--------------------------------------------------------------
Just top it all off with a 99 Cent can of chili and you have it made.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Referee pulls out red card, then a gun

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian referee took out his gun and fired warning shots in the air after a local soccer match turned unruly following the suspension of a player, a newspaper said Tuesday.

The referee, who was also a policeman, ran to his patrol car to get his gun after players mobbed him for showing the red-card to one of them, the New Straits Times said.
---------------------------------------------------------------
(as R. Kelly singing) "They said, 'we're trying to have some fun!' That's when I pulled out my gun..."
__________________________________________________________________________________________

N.D. farmer forecasts via pig spleens

By JAMES MacPHERSON, Associated Press Writer

STEELE, N.D. - Paul Smokov doesn't need radar or other high-tech equipment to forecast a major snowstorm on the prairie. He consults pig spleens.

"It looks like a normal year with no major storms," said the 84-year-old Smokov, peering at two of the brown, glistening, foot-long organs on his kitchen counter like a Gypsy gazing into a crystal ball. "That's what the spleens tell me."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
He must've watched that "Ed, Edd, 'N' Eddy" episode titled "Run For Your Ed!".
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Brothers hand out Christmas cash at mall

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Shoppers got a Christmas Eve surprise on Monday when a pair of brothers handed out $100 bills at a mall on Long Island, New York.

Police responded to a call from security staff at the Sunrise Mall in the town of Massapequa, concerned that the give-away might create a scene or involve counterfeit bills.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted some of that cash!

[Chacor]

Unholy dust-up at Nativity church

Members of rival Christian orders have traded blows at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, with four people reported wounded in the fray.

Greek Orthodox and Armenian Apostolic priests were sweeping up at the church following the Christmas rites of the Western churches earlier in the week.

Reports say some Orthodox faithful encroached on the Armenian section, prompting pitched battles with brooms.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Russia prohibits denial of Santa

The Russian government has banned a television advertisement for denying the existence of Father Christmas.

The ad for Eto electrical stores stated Father Frost, Russia's version of Father Christmas, did not exist.

The Federal anti-Monopoly Service said the ad had broken rules for advertisers not to discredit parents and teachers.

It said that declaring that Father Frost did not exist implied that parents were not telling the truth, so undermining childrens' trust in them.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Bible put on a pinhead-size chip



Researchers in Israel say they have succeeded in putting a version of the Bible on a chip smaller than a pinhead.

Its 300,000 words in Hebrew were inscribed on a silicon surface at the Haifa Institute of Technology.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Putin 'wants sat-nav for pet dog'

Russian President Vladimir Putin wants a sat-nav dog collar to keep track of his pet labrador, according to the country's deputy prime minister.

"When can I get a system for my dog, Connie, so she can't go too far astray?" Mr Putin is said to have asked Deputy Prime Minister Sergey Ivanov.

Mr Ivanov was presenting the president with plans for launching three new navigation satellites.

[TexasStooge]

Thanks Chacor for contributing to this thread. If anyone else (especially AussieMark) has any weird news stories to contribute, post them here.

Anyways, here's more...
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Student wins lottery, leaves school

BEIJING (Reuters) - A college student withdrew from school after winning the 5 million yuan ($683,000) jackpot in a lottery in China' eastern city of Nanjing, local media reported on Thursday.

The second-year student at the Jiangsu Maritime Institute, identified by the nickname Yong to protect his identity, was the sole first-prize winner in the "Double Colour Ball" issued by the China Welfare Lottery on Tuesday, the Beijing News said.
---------------------------------------------------------------
If I was him, I'd keep going to school until he graduates.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello Kitty turns attention to young men

By YURI KAGEYAMA, AP Business Writer

TOKYO - Hello Kitty is no sexist.

The cute cuddly white cat from Japan's Sanrio Co., usually seen on toys and jewelry for girls and young women, will soon don T-shirts, bags, watches and other products targeting young men, company spokesman Kazuo Tohmatsu said Friday.

"We think Hello Kitty is accepted by young men as a design statement in fashion," he said
------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, not my attention.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

A far from cracking surprise - a dead mouse

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand woman who pulled apart a Christmas cracker got more than the party hat and joke she had expected, finding a dead mouse.

Betty Lawrence, a grandmother from the South Island city of Invercargill, made the discovery sitting down to Christmas dinner with 20 relatives, The Southland Times newspaper reported.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What the...AAAAHHHHH!!! THERE'S A DEAD MOUSE IN MY HAMWINKIE!!! Oh wait, that's a phony.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Furs found after 30 years in storage

BELLOWS FALLS, Vt. (AP) - Sam Haskins didn't ask for a fur coat for Christmas. But he got six of them.

Haskins, the new owner of a hardware store, made an unexpected discovery early this month when he started poking around the basement: a climate-controlled vault containing six fur coats, about a dozen suits and some dresses and hats, apparently untouched since the late 1970s.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
No wonder today's fur makers are desperate.

[TexasStooge]

"Holy smoke" in nunnery tops 2007 weird news

By Erik Kirschbaum

BERLIN (Reuters) - From a Greek nunnery turned into a marijuana farm by two men posing as gardeners to a South African man with a gunshot wound told by a doctor to "walk the pain off," the world was full of weird news in 2007.

A Moscow woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat.
----------------------------------------------------------------
No kidding! Here's to another batch of odd news for 2008.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Calif. man saves year's-worth of trash

BERKELEY, Calif. (AP) - Ari Derfel leads a trashy life. He just wants to remind everyone else that they do, too.

The 35-year-old Berkeley caterer said he has saved every piece of trash he has generated over the past year to see how much garbage one person creates. In his case, it was about 96 cubic feet.
----------------------------------------------------------------
If ya wanna know how much trash you've collected for a full year, just get a check list and for every bag of trash you toss in the dumpster, make a checkmark.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Miss France keeps crown after photo controversy

PARIS (Reuters) - Miss France 2008 has kept her crown, contest organizers said Friday, after a row over suggestive photographs that saw members of parliament, a bishop and the minister for overseas territories spring to her defense.

However she will not be able to compete in the Miss World or Miss Universe contests, where she will be replaced by Miss New Caledonia.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Guess that's not the only controversial issue in the Pageant world.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Hundreds stung by jellyfish in Brazil

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) - Swarms of jellyfish stung nearly 300 swimmers looking to cool off from a heat wave in a southeastern beach city, Brazilian media reported Sunday.

At least 15 people including children and teenagers were treated in Praia Grande for severe stings, doctor Adriano Bechara told the Tribuna newspaper, though their lives were not in danger.
---------------------------------------------------------------
This must be the Jellyfishes' Off-season.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Times Square confetti to carry messages

NEW YORK (AP) - Messages and wishes for the new year from people around the world will float down on the New Year's Eve revelers in Times Square when the confetti is dropped.

For the first time, anyone can get a message printed on a piece of the multicolored confetti by visiting the Times Square Information Center or by using the Internet to type a message on a "Wishing Wall Online".
-----------------------------------------------------------------
(Grabs confetti) "Do not look up".

[TexasStooge]

Newlyweds caught in drag race

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian newlyweds kissing on the backseat of their hired car were unaware their chauffeur was street drag racing, until a police siren broke their romantic bliss and ended the race.

The chauffeur, clocked at up to 130 kph (80 mph) racing a young driver in a rental car, was fingerprinted on the side of the road and the hire car confiscated.
----------------------------------------------------------------
The good news is that they got to where they needed to go...or did they?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Snake saved after eating golf balls

BRISBANE, Australia - A snake was saved by surgery in Australia after mistaking four golf balls for a meal of chicken eggs, a veterinarian said Wednesday.

A couple had placed the balls in their chicken coup in New South Wales state to encourage their hen to nest, the Australian Associated Press reported.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(As Steve Irwin) "Crikey! This snake has mistaken golf balls for chicken eggs!"
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Wordsmiths, avoid these words.

By Andrew Stern

CHICAGO (Reuters) - A "surge" of overused words and phrases formed a "perfect storm" of "post-9/11" cliches in 2007, according to a U.S. university's annual list of words and phrases that deserve to be banned.

Choosing from among 2,000 submissions, the public relations department at Michigan's Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie targeted 19 affronts to the English language in its well-known jab at the worlds of media, sports, advertising and politics.
----------------------------------------------------------------
This is 2008, so we're "striking" all the "celebrity mishaps" and those so-called "reality shows" out of our minds, including "Britney" eho married "K-Fed", which landed her in a downward spiral.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Woman in burning truck keeps driving

PAW PAW TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - Having live electrical wires fall on her truck and set it on fire wasn't enough to slow a motorist in southwest Michigan. State police say the unnamed woman ran a stop sign Monday night in Van Buren County's Paw Paw Township and hit a cable supporting a utility pole.

The pole came down and the wires fell onto the truck, but the woman backed onto the roadway and resumed driving.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Look out! Truck on fire comin' through! Aw man, that shipment of Hamwinkies was destroyed.