STORM2K

This reminded me of the recent thread.....Stop Sending Me Fowards!!!!


I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.


Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.


I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.


I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.


I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.


Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friendsand make a wish within five minutes.


Becauseof your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


Have a wonderful day...

So true, so true.

Also thanks to emails, I know that there are 37 registered sex offenders and 49 convicted felons living within 100 yards of my house.

and if I send $100 to some guy in the Congo, I stand to make millions.

Good one o'doodle!

That was hilarious!!!

Also, funny to see mentioned here the send money to Africa schemes, because yesterday I found a gold mine! I was doing some research on email scams and found this site in UK that actually BAITS the scammers! It is payback with a vengance, and I read some of the writeups, and was laughing so hard!!! It's nice to see some of these crooks getting a taste of their own medicine, LOL! ... does the heart good!

http://www.419eater.com/html/

If you read one, it's gotta be:
"The Tale of The Painted Breast" http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm

bvigal wrote:If you read one, it's gotta be:
"The Tale of The Painted Breast" http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!
That is just too much.........
All the attached pictures were hilarious, well the whole back scam was but the pictures were the icing on the cake.
Take that Brother Joe

oh gosh...i couldn't quit laughing! The church of the painted breast! The author was great! I can't believe he got the guy to send money and his picture!

bvigal wrote:If you read one, it's gotta be:
"The Tale of The Painted Breast" http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm

That is awesome! That tale has me laughing as well. It took HOURS to read the whole thing though, did you read through all of that too? The funniest part was about the cucumber!! How could anyone believe all of that in addition to the photoshopped images?

Cyclenall wrote:

bvigal wrote:If you read one, it's gotta be:
"The Tale of The Painted Breast" http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm

That is awesome! That tale has me laughing as well. It took HOURS to read the whole thing though, did you read through all of that too? The funniest part was about the cucumber!! How could anyone believe all of that in addition to the photoshopped images?

I read the first 2 out of 4 pages then just skimmed the last 2.
Yeah there were quite a few outrageous stories he told brother Joe, how about the one about the infestation of Tribbles and how the chemical protection suit they had to wear caused mayhem in the streets because everyone is scared of terrorism and thought a chemical attack was taking place and police took said person in suit away and was never heard from again.

Joining the circus with the money our friend took from the church and then investing in a snow exporting business.

"Well, by the time the night was over we had blown over $6,500 on booze, food, hookers and drugs. Joe, I never realised life outside the church was so *bleep* cool dude! Man, forget painting your tit red, get your ass out there and paint the *bleep* town red! What the hell kind of church asks you to paint a stupid symbol on your breast anyway? I never did understand that!"

Joe's birthday card he sent to me, Joe's DHL delivery package, Joe's red breast picture

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Edited by CM to delete profanity in quote from article

They are a stitch, aren't they? I spent about 2 hours reading the other day and have filed it away in favorites to continue reading anytime I want a side-splitting LAUGHFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also read "bookworm" - that site owner made this guy (and another) spend HOURS AND HOURS recording a whole book on tape and then wouldn't pay him!

Guess what this one is about? "Do you smell fish?"