STORM2K

Girlie Wisdom

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1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care..

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends..

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my panties.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat . . You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

soooo funny! (and some are so true!)

When I was young and single, living in a resort destination with many skibums and 'dropouts', my girlfriends and I developed our own bit of Girlie Wisdom. And we used to quiz each other about new dating interests, to see if they measured up.

Our rule was, if you are going to start dating someone, first be sure they:
1. have a job
2. have a car
3. aren't living in it

One bit of girlie wisdom that I saw on a sign my girlfriend had in her office:

Put on your big girl panties and deal with it!

Good ones!
"A special kind of stupid"........ Im sure
I will be repeating that quote.

angelwing wrote:Girlie Wisdom

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat . . You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

We have one of those at work. You could safely say she is a little "off".

...still cleaning out and re-classing old files on my computer to clear up some disk space. Just ran across this little gem from years ago. Boy, does it bring back some memories of the 'white wine phase'!

WHITE WINE

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine. White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine!

White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a idiot.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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angelwing wrote:...11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat . . You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!...

Actually, this might irritate you more: I'm pretty skinny and the more I eat (I hardly ever forget to eat, BTW), the skinnier I seem to get! Something to do with my metabolism being in overdrive, I think. Some of us are like that.

abajan wrote:

angelwing wrote:...11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat . . You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!...

Actually, this might irritate you more: I'm pretty skinny and the more I eat (I hardly ever forget to eat, BTW), the skinnier I seem to get! Something to do with my metabolism being in overdrive, I think. Some of us are like that.

Can you please send me some of that?

ROFL - "the more I eat, the skinnier I seem to get." What are you eating?