Brain Cramps
Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2003 9:25 am
I don't recall if this was posted before, but here goes:
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I
> would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
> we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we
> cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," - Miss
> Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>
> "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
> world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
> but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey
>
> "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
> your life," - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
> Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
>
> "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -
> Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
>
> "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
> in the country," - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
>
> "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
> are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
> subpoenaed documents.
>
> "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
> and I'm just the one to do it," - A congressional candidate in Texas.
>
> "Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies
> manager, Danny Ozark
>
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
> impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - Al Gore, Vice
> President
>
> "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle
>
> "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
> another" - George Bush, US President
>
> "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
> - Lee Iacocca
>
> "I was provided with additional input that was radically different
> from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel
> Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
>
> "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
> like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &
> sports analyst.
>
> "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
> people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Bill Clinton,
> President
>
> "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Al
> Gore, VP
>
> "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -
> Keppel Enderbery
>
> "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
> received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
> reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." - Department of
> Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
>
> "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
> they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
> And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -
> Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I
> would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
> we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we
> cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," - Miss
> Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>
> "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
> world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
> but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey
>
> "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
> your life," - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
> Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
>
> "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -
> Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
>
> "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
> in the country," - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
>
> "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
> are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
> subpoenaed documents.
>
> "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
> and I'm just the one to do it," - A congressional candidate in Texas.
>
> "Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies
> manager, Danny Ozark
>
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
> impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - Al Gore, Vice
> President
>
> "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle
>
> "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
> another" - George Bush, US President
>
> "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
> - Lee Iacocca
>
> "I was provided with additional input that was radically different
> from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel
> Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
>
> "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
> like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &
> sports analyst.
>
> "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
> people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Bill Clinton,
> President
>
> "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Al
> Gore, VP
>
> "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -
> Keppel Enderbery
>
> "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
> received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
> reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." - Department of
> Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
>
> "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
> they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
> And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -
> Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
