Where is Marva Stewart.....
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 7:41 am
I need some of her Christmas wisdom???? LOL
STORM2K
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Where is Marva Stewart.....
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 7:43 am
Ticka...I just talked to her last night and she let me in on a secret... sell your U.N. stock ASAP!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 7:57 am
"LOL!" Actually, she said ENRON will make a comeback, "BUY!"
Dennis
Dennis
Here I am!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:14 am
Sorry all for the absence but have been busy preparing the outdoor lights for this year's contest. For those that STILL need to put them up, here are some ways to simplify and insure that you FINALLY win that Christmas light contest in your neighborhood.
1. Take all your lights out of the boxes you threw them in last year. Realize they are completely tangled, half of each strand doesn't work and proceed to toss them in the trash. Run to our favorite store (NO, NOT-KMART!!!!!!) and buy all new lights, as many as will fit in your SUV.
2. Remember that you should have a theme, i.e. all red lights, all white lights, any lights that work when plugged in. If you are using other decorations in your yard, place these where they are easily viewable and if animated, that they are not offensive. Rudolph with a bladder control problem IS NOT FESTIVE. Grandma getting run over by a reindeer IS FESTIVE. Know the difference.
3. Completely ignore those warnings on the outside of the boxes of lights that state "Do not connect more than three strands to one outlet". Liars. Trust me, you can safely connect up to 15 strands at a time as long as you have plenty of fire extinguishers and extra property insurance. The object here is to make your yard the most lit, visible from at least 5 miles away and commonly mistaken for an airport runway. Every single blade of grass, all trees and your entire house should be coated with lights.
4. On the night of the Christmas judging, walk quickly and secretly through the entire neighborhood cutting everyone else's light strands. Chop the head off of Frosty. Poke holes in all those inflatable lawn decorations. As a final touch, load up the bed of your 4 X 4 with fresh manure and drive through everyone's yard distributing your own bit of Christmas cheer.
5. Stand tall and proud as the judges place the "1st Place-Christmas Decoration" sign in YOUR yard. Smile for the pictures. Wave to all your neighbors. Pay off the judges without anyone noticing. And remember, you can't win two years in a row, so next year you can just get drunk and laugh at the other fools following my advice.
From the Merry Christmas Maven,
Marva Stewart
P.S. I actually did win last year for my subdivision (Ticka has pics)and I followed some of the above advice, like more lights than the Rockefeller Christmas tree. This year, even though I can't win I am amazed at how many more lights my neighbors are putting up, thinking they have to outdo me. Fools. Ain't no way I'm running up another 250.00 light bill again this year!
1. Take all your lights out of the boxes you threw them in last year. Realize they are completely tangled, half of each strand doesn't work and proceed to toss them in the trash. Run to our favorite store (NO, NOT-KMART!!!!!!) and buy all new lights, as many as will fit in your SUV.
2. Remember that you should have a theme, i.e. all red lights, all white lights, any lights that work when plugged in. If you are using other decorations in your yard, place these where they are easily viewable and if animated, that they are not offensive. Rudolph with a bladder control problem IS NOT FESTIVE. Grandma getting run over by a reindeer IS FESTIVE. Know the difference.
3. Completely ignore those warnings on the outside of the boxes of lights that state "Do not connect more than three strands to one outlet". Liars. Trust me, you can safely connect up to 15 strands at a time as long as you have plenty of fire extinguishers and extra property insurance. The object here is to make your yard the most lit, visible from at least 5 miles away and commonly mistaken for an airport runway. Every single blade of grass, all trees and your entire house should be coated with lights.
4. On the night of the Christmas judging, walk quickly and secretly through the entire neighborhood cutting everyone else's light strands. Chop the head off of Frosty. Poke holes in all those inflatable lawn decorations. As a final touch, load up the bed of your 4 X 4 with fresh manure and drive through everyone's yard distributing your own bit of Christmas cheer.
5. Stand tall and proud as the judges place the "1st Place-Christmas Decoration" sign in YOUR yard. Smile for the pictures. Wave to all your neighbors. Pay off the judges without anyone noticing. And remember, you can't win two years in a row, so next year you can just get drunk and laugh at the other fools following my advice.
From the Merry Christmas Maven,
Marva Stewart
P.S. I actually did win last year for my subdivision (Ticka has pics)and I followed some of the above advice, like more lights than the Rockefeller Christmas tree. This year, even though I can't win I am amazed at how many more lights my neighbors are putting up, thinking they have to outdo me. Fools. Ain't no way I'm running up another 250.00 light bill again this year!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:18 am
LOL Eb.....Thanks for the story this morning.... Marva is my idol!!!!!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:21 am
Yes, mine too. Can't wait 'til the New Years Edition. Or does she do Kwanzaa too?
No thanks needed
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:25 am
Ticka, now you know I just live to give others handy advice for anything and everything. Normal advice, unlike my evil sister, Martha who still actually decorates 200 oranges with cloves every year. I mean really, like I need all those holes in my fingers. How would I hold my beer?
And for those still needing stock advice, my sister can be reached at 1-800-GUILTY-COW.
Ta for now.
Marva
And for those still needing stock advice, my sister can be reached at 1-800-GUILTY-COW.
Ta for now.
Marva
New Year's and Kwanzaa
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 8:27 am
Honey, Marva don't do Kwanzaa. Marva is too busy still finishing off the liquor from Christmas. Marva will be doing New Year's Eve Party advice, to be seen somewhere on this board next week.
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:21 am
ROFL......I'll keep those ideas in mind!!!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:31 am
Marva , I know you are a very busy.... errr person , but would you consider a thread where us unwordly people could ask for advice when we need it.? I admire your crafty ways .
Lake Effect
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:35 am
Dear Lake Effect:
I'll have to discuss that with my publisher (Ticka) and see what she thinks. In the interim I can always be reached via private message.
Cheers and wassail,
Marva
I'll have to discuss that with my publisher (Ticka) and see what she thinks. In the interim I can always be reached via private message.
Cheers and wassail,
Marva
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:41 am
Way cool idea...... 
Storm2k's own lil Dear Abby -Marva thread.......
Storm2k's own lil Dear Abby -Marva thread.......
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:54 am
Rock on Marva - you have my blessings...just don't work too hard and make sure you keep a glass of wine nearby.....
Patricia
Marva your my Idol........
Patricia
Marva your my Idol........
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:06 am
ticka1 wrote:Rock on Marva - you have my blessings...just don't work too hard and make sure you keep a glass of wine nearby.....
Patricia
Marva your my Idol........
Only a glass of wine?? With the people that post here at S2K, she will need at least a bottle...maybe more...
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 10:13 am
Now ya'll know Marva don't drink wine. Marva only sticks to those couture beverages like Miller Lite or Jack Daniels and she is NEVER in short supply of either! But I'll start a new thread for those of you that need advice on a more urgent basis.
Marva
Marva
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 2:07 pm
Great!!!!!
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 2:42 pm
Who is Marva Stewart? :-?
:-?Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 2:52 pm
I hate when you spend all day putting up lights on the house(that you have already check) only to come down off the roof wait until dark and find that a fuse has blown and hafe of them wont work. So you go back up replace the fuse all is good now and then it rains and the other hafe goes out. the next day replace all fuses re-check all lights, then right before your guest start showing up for your Holiday get together you make one last check of the lights (after its dark and COLD) and CRAP now what?? I forgot to plug the F*@#!&G extention cord back in on the roof. 
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 3:54 pm
CaptinCrunch wrote:I hate when you spend all day putting up lights on the house(that you have already check) only to come down off the roof wait until dark and find that a fuse has blown and hafe of them wont work. So you go back up replace the fuse all is good now and then it rains and the other hafe goes out. the next day replace all fuses re-check all lights, then right before your guest start showing up for your Holiday get together you make one last check of the lights (after its dark and COLD) and CRAP now what?? I forgot to plug the F*@#!&G extention cord back in on the roof.
LOL....that sounds like me