The Cafeteria Lady — Christmas Carols Unplugged
Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2003 3:17 pm
Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
Turkey blazing on an open fire.
Drumsticks smoldering to dust.
Black bottom cookies that taste somewhat like glue,
And chocolate brownies that combust.
Everybody knows
My recipes should be a crime.
My quiche alone could wipe out France.
Tater Tots with a fluorescent glow,
They’ll send your stomach into cramps!
You’ll pray that someone calls 911,
You’ll get your stomach pumped and trust me, that’s no fun.
Beware my pumpkin pie and carrot cake
Will have you gagging from the moment you partake!
And so I’m offering this antidote
To fans from 1 to 92
Although it’s been said many times, many ways —
Keep your Rolaids with you!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the bruised-up reindeer,
He’s as toothless as can be,
Because he wasn’t looking
When he flew into a tree!
All of the other reindeer
Thought that maybe he was dead.
But Rudy laughed and told them,
“Now THIS is why my nose is red!”
Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the snowman,
You might think he weighs a ton.
But he’ll look so svelte
Once he starts to melt.
It’s just water re-ten-tion!
It’s Beginning To Look a lot Like Christmas
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Ev’rywhere you go.
You can’t find a single spot
In all the parking lots,
And everyone is running out of dough!
Joy To the World
Joy to the world
My cookbook’s lost!
It’s safe
to eat
again!
Turkey blazing on an open fire.
Drumsticks smoldering to dust.
Black bottom cookies that taste somewhat like glue,
And chocolate brownies that combust.
Everybody knows
My recipes should be a crime.
My quiche alone could wipe out France.
Tater Tots with a fluorescent glow,
They’ll send your stomach into cramps!
You’ll pray that someone calls 911,
You’ll get your stomach pumped and trust me, that’s no fun.
Beware my pumpkin pie and carrot cake
Will have you gagging from the moment you partake!
And so I’m offering this antidote
To fans from 1 to 92
Although it’s been said many times, many ways —
Keep your Rolaids with you!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the bruised-up reindeer,
He’s as toothless as can be,
Because he wasn’t looking
When he flew into a tree!
All of the other reindeer
Thought that maybe he was dead.
But Rudy laughed and told them,
“Now THIS is why my nose is red!”
Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the snowman,
You might think he weighs a ton.
But he’ll look so svelte
Once he starts to melt.
It’s just water re-ten-tion!
It’s Beginning To Look a lot Like Christmas
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Ev’rywhere you go.
You can’t find a single spot
In all the parking lots,
And everyone is running out of dough!
Joy To the World
Joy to the world
My cookbook’s lost!
It’s safe
to eat
again!
