Got owned by a 5 yearold at target last night .
Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:03 am
From anoutther Forum
My wife and I were at Traget today picking up a few things we needed. Naturally, I ditched her for the Electronic department to see what was new. Checked out the games first, picked up a few CD-Rs, and was checking the DVD section for some awsome Target deals. Next to the new release section, is the kids section of movies, Harry Potter, Finding Nemo etc.
There was a small boy about five or so, flailing about next to me doing his best Dragonball impression on his older sister who was yelling at him to stop his kung-fu antics. The mother had that beat down look of mothers who have a 5 year old boy that has a deep love for Dragonball and anything involving violence that can be inflicted on a sibling. Im guessing she was running on autopilot, because she seemed oblivious to the wire-fu going on next to her. Despite my description of the scene, I wasnt really paying that much attention to them.
My wife comes up behind me and tells me shes done, which was fine by me because Bill Murry's blank stare on the "Lost In Translation" cover was making me increasingly uneasy. I turn to my left to flee from the DVD section, only to see a small fist come at me in slow motion. Being as I am not The One, I was unable to evade the lightening fast fist this 5 year old version of Agent Smith, was aiming directly at me. Full force contact was made DIRECLY on my my crotch, knocking my testicles into the Nether Reagion of my Abdoman. The hit was so clean and precise that only the Ancient Shaolin Masters would be able to
duplicate.
The pain was so intense and beyond anything my crotch had experienced thus far, that I was thrown on the floor, hands firmly grasping my bludgeoned package, face twisted in agony. I dont know how long I lay there crumpled in the blackness of misery, seconds maybe, minutes, Hours? All connection to the real world was lost, I knew only The Pain.
I was snapped back into the real world by a small voice, clearly from a female child, asking me if I was ok. It was hardly audible over the loud shrieking laughter of of my wife, and Little-Goku's mom. I open my eyes looking for comfort like a child who has skinned his knee, only to see the only person who wasnt trapped in a banshee wail of laughter, Goku's older sister.
I wimper a "Yes" to the little girl, slowly inching my way off the floor to eye level of these red-faced howling banshee women. My twisted face of agony only seemed to fuel the the horrible gutteral noises of these creatures, so I made my way to the car, wincing every step. My wife came out about fifteen minutes later red-eyed and still laughing like a mad woman.
I also forgot to put my CD-R's in the cart"
My wife and I were at Traget today picking up a few things we needed. Naturally, I ditched her for the Electronic department to see what was new. Checked out the games first, picked up a few CD-Rs, and was checking the DVD section for some awsome Target deals. Next to the new release section, is the kids section of movies, Harry Potter, Finding Nemo etc.
There was a small boy about five or so, flailing about next to me doing his best Dragonball impression on his older sister who was yelling at him to stop his kung-fu antics. The mother had that beat down look of mothers who have a 5 year old boy that has a deep love for Dragonball and anything involving violence that can be inflicted on a sibling. Im guessing she was running on autopilot, because she seemed oblivious to the wire-fu going on next to her. Despite my description of the scene, I wasnt really paying that much attention to them.
My wife comes up behind me and tells me shes done, which was fine by me because Bill Murry's blank stare on the "Lost In Translation" cover was making me increasingly uneasy. I turn to my left to flee from the DVD section, only to see a small fist come at me in slow motion. Being as I am not The One, I was unable to evade the lightening fast fist this 5 year old version of Agent Smith, was aiming directly at me. Full force contact was made DIRECLY on my my crotch, knocking my testicles into the Nether Reagion of my Abdoman. The hit was so clean and precise that only the Ancient Shaolin Masters would be able to
duplicate.
The pain was so intense and beyond anything my crotch had experienced thus far, that I was thrown on the floor, hands firmly grasping my bludgeoned package, face twisted in agony. I dont know how long I lay there crumpled in the blackness of misery, seconds maybe, minutes, Hours? All connection to the real world was lost, I knew only The Pain.
I was snapped back into the real world by a small voice, clearly from a female child, asking me if I was ok. It was hardly audible over the loud shrieking laughter of of my wife, and Little-Goku's mom. I open my eyes looking for comfort like a child who has skinned his knee, only to see the only person who wasnt trapped in a banshee wail of laughter, Goku's older sister.
I wimper a "Yes" to the little girl, slowly inching my way off the floor to eye level of these red-faced howling banshee women. My twisted face of agony only seemed to fuel the the horrible gutteral noises of these creatures, so I made my way to the car, wincing every step. My wife came out about fifteen minutes later red-eyed and still laughing like a mad woman.
I also forgot to put my CD-R's in the cart"
