STORM2K

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you

will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will
forget about the toothache.


8. Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life
really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't
move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct
tape.

And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never
know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan

These are some good ones. You're missing a DISCLAIMER though, lol.
...Jennifer...

Chad,

Thanks so much for the laugh this morning. I needed it. Can I add a few more rules?
*****
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

You can still get the last word in: Apologize!

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, dying for no apparent reason.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

AND FINALLY:

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

BocaGirl
Barbara

chadtm80 wrote:And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never
know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan

Condense this last part, and it would make a good bumper sticker! LOL

Mary

LOL

Those are hysterical!!!