Things You Would Love to Say at Work

[TazzyD]

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of poop.

2. How about never? Is never good for you?

3. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

4. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

5. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

7. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

8. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and STUPID.

9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

10. What am I, flypaper for freaks!?

11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

13. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?

14. Do I look like a people person?

15. This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

16. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

17. Sarcasm is just ONE more service we offer.

18. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

19. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

20. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

21. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

22. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

23. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

24. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

25. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

26. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done!

27. How do I set a laser printer to STUN?

28. I thought I wanted a career - turns out I just wanted paychecks.

29. Sure, you came up with that idea.

30. I'd love to help you, but it's 5:00 PM.


Usual comment: If this was previously posted I apologize

[coriolis]

these never get old!

[Skywatch_NC]

There's a woman named "Sarah" (alias to protect the "innocent" hehe) and she's in Dad's department at a state environmental building...my Dad gave my Mom and I a tour (after-hours) of some of his co-worker's offices...anyway "Sarah's" office has like candy wrappers all over the floor, cartons of soda pop near and around her desk, etc., ...and my Dad commented to my Mom and I..."I really don't see how she functions well
at all in that kind of atmosphere."

He probably wishes he could say to her: What would be best here...a bulldozer or the National Guard??

Eric

[streetsoldier]

How about,

"Making mistakes is human; blaming others shows management potential!"