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It's a holiday season that's all Ivan, all the time
-Elizabeth Trever Buchinger
Pensacola News Journal
You're listening to WIVN, your holiday hurricane destination station, bringing you Category 5 Fun throughout the holiday season. Here's another classic carol.
"I'll have a Blue Roof Christmas this season. I've been so blue, and leaks are the reason. Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree, Sparkle so brightly, then float by you and me."
(Static)
If that doesn't get you in the holiday mood, how about this gem:
"I'm dreaming of an indoor Christmas, Just like the one we had last year. When we didn't live in This fifth wheel trailer That's as warm as sleigh bells in the snow."
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And now a word from one of our fine sponsors.
"Need furniture? Don't want to wait for long delivery times? Forget pricey showrooms and impersonal warehouse shopping, check out Roadside Furniture. It's not a store, not a catalog. It's someone else's furniture actually on the side of the road. You can't beat the bargains you find on sofas, computer desks, lamps, refrigerators, refrigerator boxes, mattresses, end tables, more mattresses, dishwashers and lawn furniture that is damaged, but probably not by a hurricane. Remember, Roadside Furniture, because what one guy thinks is ruined, you might think is pretty OK."
(Static)
Now more music.
"Oh, the weather outside was frightful. Rain and wind, we had a night full. The trees were tossed to and fro. Ivan blows, Ivan blows, Ivan blows."
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"Caller, caller, are you there? You're on Yap in the Morning -- More Talk, Less Rock."
"Yeah, I just wanted to say that I'm getting sick and tired of the way the liberal media is trying to cover up this hurricane story like it never happened."
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"Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays. No matter how far away it's blown. If you want to find mold in a million places, For the holidays you can't beat home, wet home."
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"It's the most wonderful time of the year. Roofers have hammers, insurance men stammer, Your check should be here. It's the most wonderful time of the year."
(Static)
"Here comes Ivan, here comes Ivan, right down Hurricane Lane. He doesn't care if you're rich or poor, He'll drench you just the same. Can't find flashlights, can't find candles, can't even turn on the lights. So jump in bed and cover your head, 'Cause Ivan's coming tonight."
(Static)
"Storm debris roasting on an open fire. Ashes flying 'round your nose. Although it's been said many times, many ways, I hear Colorado is nice in the summer."
(Static)
"On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Ivan brought to me --
12 hammers pounding
11 plumbers plumbing
10 trucks a'hauling
Nine contractors laughing
Eight roofers climbing
Seven chain saws buzzing
Six shops a'closing
Five de-duct-i-bles
Four moldy walls
Three wet rugs
Two trailer homes
And a pear tree in my li-i-ving room."
Merry Christmas, everyone. And remember: If you don't celebrate, the hurricanes have won.
Elizabeth Trever Buchinger is a staff member of the news journal that appears in the Sunday newspaper. Phone: (850) 435-8566 E-mail: Elizabeth Trever Buchinger@PensacolaNewsJournal.com
