STORM2K

The reason I'm asking...

About six weeks ago, my 90 year old great aunt (whom I've cared for since her husband died last year) was admitted to the local hospital suffering from severe nausea/ vomiting/ weakness. Doctors quickly diagnosed gallstones and infected gall bladder. After debating and running tests for several days, surgeons decided there was no way they could operate; my aunt has a bad heart and almost died from anesthesia for a minor procedure (lower GI series; they had a very difficult time waking her up....blood pressure fell to 70/30).

To complicate matters, my great aunt has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer in her intestines (since leaving the hospital). Also, she hasn't eaten (more than a few bites at most) in more than five weeks....weight has fallen from 105 lb to 87 lb in the past month.
At the time she was being discharged (three weeks ago today), all of my aunt's doctors.....her MD, the cardiologist, the gastro (stomach/ liver), pulmonary specialist, and urologist all recommended a hospice for my aunt.

At the time, I opted in favor of a local skilled nursing/ rehab center.....hoping for a miracle. I now realize the doctors were correct. In addition to all her illnesses, my great aunt is also totally blind (from diabetes). Since entering the nursing home, she has fallen twice, and the last fall (Friday a.m.) was serious....requiring 15 stitches in her forehead and a trip to the ER (I'm amazed she didn't fracture her skull).

Here's my dilemma: my great aunt still has some mental faculties; knows me....except she is suffering delusions (doctors explanation); can't seem to understand she is dying; thinks sometimes she's at home or still in the hospital. That's a major reason she keeps falling....thinks she's well, and tries to get out of bed and reach the bathroom (even though she's wearing diapers); says "I'm 90 yrs old and am as well as ever" (also says she's eating everything on her plate; when the reality is she is eating virtually nothing).

While my heart says hospice care in the nursing home is best for her, I have a couple reservations. First, my grandmother is concerned the hospice folks will "starve" my great aunt to death. I've tried to reassure grandma not only is that illegal, but something I'd never allow. I don't want my great aunt to die before God calls her home....but also don't wish to see her used as a guinea pig (feeding tube, dialysis, heart/lung machine etc); especially since her own living will states clearly at the time doctors deem her condition as terminal, she wants all forms of life extending/ support to be stopped.

I'm also scared to death unless hospice care is brought in soon (providing adequate medication to properly sedate/ provide pain relief to my great aunt and stop her from getting out of bed), she's going to fall and fracture a hip or pelvis. If this occurs, there's no way surgeons will attempt to operate....not on a 90 year old diabetic with a bad heart. My great aunt would lie and suffer horribly until either infection or pneumonia ended her life (which happened to a good friend of mine's grandfather last year

I could have listened to the doctors three weeks ago and admitted aunt Millie directly from hospital to hospice....but I listened to my conscience; wasn't ready to give up....I wanted to give her a second chance. I now feel badly, because if I had done what doctors recommended then.....she wouldn't have fallen and wouldn't be upset by being badgered by nurses to eat everyday (when doctors say she CANNOT eat; is too sick) or forced to take physical therapy (when she is too weak to even stand up?). This is a lady I love dearly; is more like my grandmother to me than a great aunt.

What I'm asking.....do any of you have past/ current experiences with terminally ill loved ones recieving hospice care, especially in a nursing home enviroment? (or work/ have dealt with hospices). Any information and advice will be greatly appreciated (as will your prayers for us).

Sincerely,
Perry

No experience with hospice, but as always you have my prayers. I have heard ntohing but praise for hospice workers here in Houston.

My mom was under the care of hospice for the last 3 weeks of her life back in 2003. They were great! Very informative and supportive, but very realistic at the same time... They helped with the paitent as well as helping family members cope with whats going to happen...

Had Hospice care for my mom - about the last 6 months of her cancer. They were great and REALLY made the transition from life to death much easier and peaceful to accept for everyone; mom included. For anyone with a terminal illness, I would certainly recommend Hospice. They offer a remarkable service and make it easier to recognize that death is nothing more than a natural part of life...

Our uncle recently passed away and was assisted by hospice care for the last couple months of his life. They were wonderful. What caring people! Our two best friends across the street were also helped by hospice in the last months of their lives. I strongly recommend it. They are an incredible support vehicle.

First off, I'm sorry to hear about your aunts condition, you have my prayers.

Secondly, "Hospice STARVING a patient?" I think NOT!

I feel VERY strong on this matter as my step mother is the "Charge Nurse" for RTA Hospice here in Pinetop. I have never in my life seen, been to, a BETTER care facility in my life. They are WONDERFUL places, you will NOT find more caring, more loving people in your LIFE as you'll find at a Hospice facility! My father, whos health is failing very rapidly, is now signed up for Hospice. Now our facility here will COME to the house and care for the patient if that's their wish, you don't have to stay there. A nurse visits dad 5 days a week when my step mother is working, a volunteer shows up 3 times a week to read to him, whatever, there's ALWAYS someone there to check on him.

Rest assured, like I said, you will NOT find better care, better PEOPLE now matter where you look! God Bless!

Dennis

Yep - my dad was in hospice for the last months of his life dealing with very aggressive gallbladder cancer. Those last few months Dad just wanted to be kept clean, dry and out of pain. I can't praise hospice workers enough for the wonderful work they do and highly recommend it.

I feel very strongly about hospice also. Three years ago, my mother had bone cancer, as metastatis of breast cancer. It was terminal, and she has horrible care by the regular oncologist. After being transferred to a hospice hospital facility, she got the best possible attention, and EXTREMELY COMPASSIONATE CARE from hospice. Her last month of life was handled with dignity, sincerity, and was as pain free as possible. What more can one say, but the hospice people do the work of angels.

First of all God bless you for being such a wonderful person. Sounds like you give time, love and care to all that you love.

We had hospice in my Mom's home for my Granny. Like others here, I can't say enough about them. My Granny died at home with dignity and peace. We all took part in caring for her in her final weeks. The hospice nurses knew what to say and do in every stage of her dying process. They became our close friends. They cared for Granny as though she was their grandmother - with love, tenderness and kindness. To me hospice was a learning experience about death and most of all these women were a Godsent to our family and to Granny.

I'll be praying for your Aunt.
((Hugs))
Karan

Prayers and thoughts sent your aunt's way, Perry...and to you and your other family members.

((((HUGS))))

We have some good friends here in NC and the wife of this couple...her mother had been bed-ridden with Alzheimers and Hospice helped out with her mother...and they truly are a Godsend. The woman who eventually passed away from the illness...her daughter also works for Hospice.

Eric

The Hospice people who helped with George's Grandma were AWESOME!
They were all truly special people. Sending prayers for you and your Great Aunt.

My mother had a hospice nurse care in the nursing home during the last months of her life. They manged to keep her pain free and gave her oxygen when she needed it it. Hospice care will not starve your aunt. they will do every thing they can to ease your aunt's passing so that she has dignity when she goes.

I'll let you know after I've checked in.

Hospice workers are very special people. They took care of my grandmother before she died. She had mini seizures on a daily basis and didn't know who anyone was before about 1940, but the people in hospice made sure she was comfortable and took care of her when I couldn't.

streetsoldier wrote:I'll let you know after I've checked in.

NOW YOU JUST STOP THAT!

Hospice care for my father was absolutely wonderful ... and very caring to my father's needs during his last months of life, and are indeed, very special people.

SF

Hospice took care of my grandma when she was dying of colon cancer. They only took care of her less than a week. When she died at home, in her sleep. At least, she got her wish and got to die at home. She did not want to die in the hospital. My grandpa, and my numerous aunts and uncles all took turns taking care of her also. She was lucky to have so much love and care from her family that Hospice was not needed until the very end. I miss my Maw-Maw so much.

Stormsfury wrote:Hospice care for my father was absolutely wonderful ... and very caring to my father's needs during his last months of life, and are indeed, very special people.

SF

OMG we havebeen worried..where have you been????

Rainband wrote:

Stormsfury wrote:Hospice care for my father was absolutely wonderful ... and very caring to my father's needs during his last months of life, and are indeed, very special people.

SF

OMG we havebeen worried..where have you been????

Just read your post in the lounge

Perry, I am sending prayers for strength, comfort, and peace for your great aunt, you, and your family.

Hospice is a totally positive concept. When my dad was in end-stage Alzheimer's disease two years ago, he received hospice care for the last few months of this life until his transition. In fact, that morning, the hospice caretaker was there with us, inobtrusively entering the room and checking his heartbeat/respiration at intervals. It was she who finally confirmed his passing in a respectful, compassionate manner. Hospice support was essential to both my dad and my stepmother during those final months and even for several weeks afterward.