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MAMADUDE NEEDS ADVISE!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:12 pm
by mamadude
I am entering this Poem I wrote to poetry.com
Just want to see if you all think its good enough to submit
be honest, please!!
BEFORE YOU GO
Dear child I’m proud to see you go,
Although your leaving hurts me so.
My mother’s heart is full of pride,
Even though a million teardrops I’ve cried.
As you go forth answering your country’s call,
Your uniform makes you look so tall.
I’m not alone in the way I feel,
Thousands of mothers are facing the same ordeal.
Before you go please hold me tight.
I’ll pray for you both day and night.
Give me a smile as you walk away.
Stay safe and come back to me someday.
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:20 pm
by JetMaxx
Brenda, I'm no poetry expert...but that's totally awesome! One of the most powerful poems I've ever read....very impressive!
God Bless You!
Perry
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:23 pm
by pojo
Brenda, that is powerful!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:26 pm
by weatherlover427
Whoa ... very nice!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:35 pm
by azskyman
Brenda...nice job...and full of heart.
My editing background is all in prose...but I might suggest changing the line from...
Thousands of mothers are facing the same ordeal TO
Thousands of mothers face the same ordeal
It's your poetry though...this is just an opinion.
Very nice job... the line "Give me a smile as you walk away" takes me back to the day I left for the Army. I wouldn't let my parents drive me to the bus station. Instead I walked out the front door with my duffle bag, walked all the way through the business district to the other end of town where I caught the bus....about 3 miles. My mom gave ME a smile as I walked away that day and down the street.
And I did come home safely.
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 5:53 pm
by GulfBreezer
If giving a person chill bumps when they read it is any indication of how good it is................well, let's just say that my chill bumps have chill bumps!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 6:03 pm
by David
Sounds good.
Tell us if you get any reply from them.
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 6:59 pm
by Stephanie
I like it too! I'm sure that there are many out there that will be able to relate to this poem!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:03 pm
by streetsoldier
Do it, lady...fare thee well,
Post that poem, and give them hell!
Let them know that mother's love
Transcends all space and time, above
The ordinary; let them read with awe
At what you feel, and heard, and saw
Then, when he's home, and all the rest
Of soldiers, sailors, airmen...Yes!
Do sound and cheer their coming home
With song in heart, and...sure...a poem.
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:05 pm
by bfez1
Beautiful poem, Mike will be so proud.
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:19 pm
by mamadude
WOW..street soldier, that was as great of a responce as I've ever seen
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:26 pm
by Stephanie
Very nice Bill!
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 8:17 pm
by breeze
Thumbs up, Mamadude!
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:01 am
by BreinLa
Wow I feel blessed to be around all these poets Thanks for Sharing
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:07 am
by isobar
Teary eyed here.
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 12:23 pm
by JCT777
Wonderful poem, Mamadude. And a great poetic response from streetsoldier.
I AM NOT WORTHY!
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 1:50 pm
by furluvcats
Just beautiful MamaDude, so full of love
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 1:53 pm
by streetsoldier
"You're WORTHY, you're WORTHY, get UP...(you guys must really like "Wayne's World"
)"...
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:00 pm
by chadtm80
That is GREAT mamadude...