Things that make you go.......hmmmm?
Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2003 3:14 pm
Ambiguity
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.
---
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
---
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
---
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
---
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
---
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
---
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
---
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
---
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
---
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
---
10. Is there another word for synonym?
---
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
---
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
---
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
---
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
---
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
---
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
---
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
---
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
---
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical explanation, but it escapes me)
---
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
---
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
---
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
---
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
---
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
---
25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ????
---
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
---
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
---
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
---
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
---
30. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
---
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
---
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
---
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
- Victor Hugo
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity.
---
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
---
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
---
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
---
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
---
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
---
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
---
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
---
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
---
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
---
10. Is there another word for synonym?
---
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
---
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
---
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
---
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
---
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
---
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
---
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
---
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
---
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical explanation, but it escapes me)
---
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
---
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
---
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
---
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
---
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
---
25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ????
---
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
---
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
---
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
---
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
---
30. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
---
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
---
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
---
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
- Victor Hugo
