STORM2K

Lets lighten things up a little. Lets hear all your witty put-downs.
No foul language please. My theory is that the best insults don't need profanity. Feel free to submit more than once.


I'll start with these:

When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains, and he said, "I'll take a slow one."

When they were handing out looks, he thought they said books, and he said "I'll take a funny one."

If you look up stupid in the dictionary, it has is a picture of him.


I'll submit more as I think of them.

I have one similar to the train. My version is "When God was handing out brains, you thought he said rain and ran for cover."

"If ya can't take the heat, git out the kitchen"
"You are three cards shy of a full deck"
"Hello? Anybody home?"
"The elevator goes all the way to the top, but the light up there is very dim"

One I made famous in the office when working for EDS....when I was on the phone with an angry clueless loon (usually a hospital billing clerk, doctor, or dentist

"Lord help, this lady (man) is so stupid I actually feel sorry for her" (him)

(thank God I had a mute button...LOL!!!).

Perry

Don't let your mind wander too far. Your brain is so small it should not be left out on its own.

I really shouldn't do this. Anyways, you guys know my insults well enough already :o.

On SNL, they had a version of this

When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains, and he said, "I'll take a slow one."

It was on a skit with Farley, Spade and one other guy I can't remember, who were playing three brainless department store workers (women). The Farley character said:

Boss: Yeah, Missy! You're so dumb.. when they were passing out brains, you thought they said "Trains".. and then, you got on it.. on a train, then went for a ride!

Missy: That didn't even make sense!

lol! to give or recieve? p

If you put your brain in a parakeet it would fly backwards.
His biscuits aren't done.
You don't have both oars in the water.

Here's one I've heard all my life...

"That guy is so dumb he couldn't spell cat if you gave him the C and the T"

1) "Hello? 1986 called, and, they want your hairsytle back..."

2) "The government should require a permit for people
like you to reproduce..."

3) "Knowing you makes me understand why some animals
eat their young..."

4) "When you were little, your mama wouldn't let you play
in the sandbox for fear that the cat would bury you...again..."

Worthless as a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest.

Constructionwx wrote:Worthless as a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest.

ROFL!!!!
I've heard that one a few times too....

When someone around me does something kind of silly or dumb, I use my nephew's line,

"Smooth move Exlax!"

"You are a waste of perfectly good sperm and sweat"...or,

"Pardon me, I need to check the air in your head"...

But usually, I wait for the other person to leave him/herself open, and then "zap" 'em...using their own words as a base of attack.

My Aunt Mae used to say" Kill it before it multiplies".
I've heard "Excuse me,but are you a true blond or do you just act like it".

LOL, I like "kill it before it multiplies"! ROTF......

"Forget artificial intelligence - find a cure for REAL
stupidity"...

I like those Bill.

I have also heard,
"He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal!"

"They fell out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"You put the 'I' in STUPID!"

"Excuse me... did you say something intelligent?Well, I'll be... I didn't know you knew any English beyond the 4 letter words?"

He's (She's) a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
He (She) is not the sharpest crayon in the box.

My favorite to use is
Way to go Swift.

If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's @$$ and make it walk backwards.

Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha!!!

Here's my fav....

"Is there a village that needs its idiot back?"