Letter to My Pets
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 6:16 pm
[/b] Here's a cute forward for pet lovers!
Letter to My Pets:
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to
switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in
my way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your pawprint in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim, making it YOUR plate and food.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping
me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob,or get your paw under the edge of the door andtry to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest! Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
And -- I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.
To pacify my dear pet-less companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets:
** The pets live here....YOU DON'T!!
** If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay OFF the furniture. That's why it's called "fur"niture.
** To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are adopted sons/daughters who happen to be hairy, walk on all fours and not speak.
Besides, it could be argued that dogs and cats are better than kids:
---- They don't ask for money all the time.
---- They are easier to train.
---- They usually come when called.
---- They don't hang out with drug-using friends.
---- They don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- If they get pregnant, you can sell the children!
Letter to My Pets:
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to
switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in
my way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your pawprint in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim, making it YOUR plate and food.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping
me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob,or get your paw under the edge of the door andtry to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest! Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
And -- I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.
To pacify my dear pet-less companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets:
** The pets live here....YOU DON'T!!
** If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay OFF the furniture. That's why it's called "fur"niture.
** To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are adopted sons/daughters who happen to be hairy, walk on all fours and not speak.
Besides, it could be argued that dogs and cats are better than kids:
---- They don't ask for money all the time.
---- They are easier to train.
---- They usually come when called.
---- They don't hang out with drug-using friends.
---- They don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- If they get pregnant, you can sell the children!
