STORM2K

What those nineteen words on yearly performance reviews REALLY mean



1. OUTGOING PERSONALITY - Always going out of the office



2. GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS - Able to BS



3. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Spends lots of time on phone



4. WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY - Too ugly to get a date



5. ACTIVE SOCIALLY - Drinks a lot



6. INDEPENDENT WORKER - Nobody knows what he/she does



7. QUICK THINKING - Offers plausible excuses



8. CAREFUL THINKER - Won't make a decision



9. USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS - Gets someone else to do it



11. EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL - Speaks English



12. HAD LEADERSHIP QUALITIES - Is tall or has a louder voice



13. EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT - Lucky



14. KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR - Knows a lot of dirty jokes



15. CAREER MINDED - Back Stabber



16. LOYAL - Can't get a job anywhere else



17. PLANS FOR PROMOTION/ADVANCEMENT - Buys drinks for all the boys



18. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION - Gets to work on time



19. RELAXED ATTITUDE - Sleeps at desk

I'm going to copy that and circulate it through the little underground network we have at work.


I studied my Dilbert Book before I did my self-evaluation. It must have helped because I got a nice raise.

(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

(2) "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."

(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

(4) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

(11) "This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."

(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

(13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

(17) "He's been working with glue too much."

(18) "He would argue with a signpost."

(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."

(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."

(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

haha good ones