Message from the rural midwest
Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:01 am
MESSAGE FROM THE RURAL MIDWEST
>> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
>> Easterners and Californians cross states such as North Dakota, South
>> Dakota, Nebraska,Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas,Iowa, Indiana, Missouri,
>> Illinois, and Arkansas. Those states' Tourism Councils have adopted
>> information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the
>> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
> state:
>>
>> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
>> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>> 2. It?s called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
>> going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because
>> I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
>> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
>> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
>> you whipped... by our women.
>> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
>> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
>> little trout you fish for... bait.
>> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
>> their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have
>> it up to your ear at the time.
>> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
>> what you paid in the airport for one drink.
>> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>> Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
>> pounds of ham and turkey.
>> 10. You bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and
> served
>> over ice.
>> 11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive weekends.
>> We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
>> that we use two weeks a year.
>> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town.
>> We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.
>> so, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, crappie too and turtle. You really want
>> Sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Don't like the smell?
>> Interstates 40,70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstates 29, 25, 35 and 83
>> go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
>> religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
>> Understand the concept?
>> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water
>> hazard. It spooks the fish.
>> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
>> for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old
>> he
> is.
>> Now, enjoy your visit and don't forget to go home.
>>
>> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
>> Easterners and Californians cross states such as North Dakota, South
>> Dakota, Nebraska,Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas,Iowa, Indiana, Missouri,
>> Illinois, and Arkansas. Those states' Tourism Councils have adopted
>> information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the
>> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
> state:
>>
>> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
>> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>> 2. It?s called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
>> going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because
>> I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
>> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
>> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
>> you whipped... by our women.
>> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
>> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
>> little trout you fish for... bait.
>> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
>> their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have
>> it up to your ear at the time.
>> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
>> what you paid in the airport for one drink.
>> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>> Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
>> pounds of ham and turkey.
>> 10. You bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and
> served
>> over ice.
>> 11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive weekends.
>> We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
>> that we use two weeks a year.
>> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town.
>> We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.
>> so, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, crappie too and turtle. You really want
>> Sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Don't like the smell?
>> Interstates 40,70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstates 29, 25, 35 and 83
>> go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
>> religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
>> Understand the concept?
>> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water
>> hazard. It spooks the fish.
>> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
>> for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old
>> he
> is.
>> Now, enjoy your visit and don't forget to go home.
>>
