STORM2K

Everything in my house is going down hill. My parents don't know a rock from a loaf of bread anymore. I'm 17 and a half, and I already made my plans to move out in August. I just talked to them, and they feel it's a bad idea, but they aren't stopping me.

My dad works alone out of his van, he sits in it all day without human contact, he has now for 12 years. He used to be cool, he was really enjoyable and he had lots of friends. But, now he has no friends, and he acts like a baby. He talks to us like we are babies, just that tone. He doesn't know reality anymore. I have no privacy at all. My brother is 21, but acts like he is 11. He is a snitch on everything I do. He searches my room, and if he finds anything he goes running to my parents.

Ever since I started high school, my dad can't go a minute without watching me. He comes in my room usually around 930pm, and tells me what time it is and that I should get to bed. And he literally will until I go to bed at midnight. Every 10-20 minutes. He reads my conversations on instant messaging when I leave the computer for a second. He searches my bag when I'm not looking, and he goes through everything in my room. He has for years, and it really bothers me. It has got to the point where I don't enjoy being home, because I'm still treated like a kid. You'd have to live here to understand. Certain things happen in my life, that my parents don't need to know, because I am a teen, but whenever my friends are over, my dad opens my door when I close it, and he walks in all the time and asks what we are doing. He calls them to ask if they have plans with me, and when we have sleepovers he still comes in every 20 mins to tell us to get to bed.

My mom gets in fights with him all the time because he doesn't understand anything no more. He continuously hurts my mom, and she always tells him to stop, but he doesn't. I feel like he is going to start to beat her, and she has already separated a few times. When I was having a tough time with Jay, if you remember, I said my parents would let him move in. They would only do that because they don't know left from right, and they wouldn't care to ask. Jay doesn't want to move in anymore, because he knows what my dad is like. My dad is scaring off my friends too, no one wants to come over anymore.

There is just too much to say about him and my family. They drag me around everywhere too, I have to go with them if they go to someones house for dinner. It is so humiliating. Whenever they go away for the weekend, which is often, they make my uncle come watch my brother and I. I am 17, and he is 21, but they don't think we can do it. Only because when we were kids we had fights, like all siblings do.

I skip school, like all teens do, but if my dad answers he throws a kaniption fit. He says it is bad, and I shouldn't be pressured to. He tells me I can be the example for my friends, to not skip. He thinks if I don't, they'll stop. When I tried to explain it's just what happens in high school, from which he never attended, I think, he says I don't know what I am talking about and I just don't get life. I have always got Ds and Cs in school, but lately he talks like I get As, and I will attend university and whatnot. My mom knows I never will, and when she talks to him about it, he gets mad and leaves. That probably sounds normal for parents, but mine are different, I just can't explain it like it happens.

I plan to move out in August, Jay will come too. I already have potential candidates who are willing to let me move in. This sounds bad, I know, but it needs to happen. I am just never happy anymore. And it is getting too much to handle. I know teenagers do stupid stuff from family life, but I am carefully planning this, I have been for months.

I don't know what else to say, but that you have to be me to understand why I am doing this.

Good luck. If you need anything let us know. I am truly sorry you are in such a situation. Remain strong and have faith. Prayers on the way. (((HUGS)))

Sincerely
Johnathan

That sounds rough, dude. I've felt like that at times, but I'm not really going through what you're going through, not at all. Hope things get better for you.

A lot of it sounds like what I'm going through right now. Hang on dude. It'll get better. We're all here for you.

As a mother, I see warning signs as to why your dad is watching over you. Skipping school? Not in my house you don't. Have you given your parents any other reason not to trust you? You are living rent free, eat free and have no financial responsiblities yet. Before you move out you'd better get a budget together. Rent, Food, Car, Insurance, emergency fund, utilities.

As for the way your dad is acting there may be an undiagnosed medical condition.

I do hope you can salvage your relationship with your father cuz there will be the day when he's no longer around.

CajunMama wrote:As a mother, I see warning signs as to why your dad is watching over you. Skipping school? Not in my house you don't. Have you given your parents any other reason not to trust you? You are living rent free, eat free and have no financial responsiblities yet. Before you move out you'd better get a budget together. Rent, Food, Car, Insurance, emergency fund, utilities.

As for the way your dad is acting there may be an undiagnosed medical condition.

I do hope you can salvage your relationship with your father cuz there will be the day when he's no longer around.

Words of wisdom there!

A2K

Have you seeked family guidance or talked to your minister? Sometime just sitting down with a professional of sort, an outsider from the family, they can help and guide you. Do you have grandparents you can talk to? Have any of these given you input?

Life is hard and it is a jungle out there for a teen on his own. Think things over.

Well, they are your parents and you are living under their roof. You are 17 years old, staying up late, getting bad grades and skipping school. Let's see did I miss anything. Oh yes, you are upset because your Dad is intruding into your life and wanting only the best for you. Ahhh yes, you are also humiliated when you have to go to dinner with them. If there are certain things happening in your life at 17 that your parents "don't need to know" then they shouldn't be happening. There is definitely more to your story than just a disgruntled teenager.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to talk with an adult. Your life is just beginning and I'd hate to see you screw up at such a young age.

((HUGS))
Karan

It is very expensive to move out. Your first time moving out you are looking at $1200 mininum. You can't find a 1-bedroom apartment for under $500. Plus when you first move out you also need a deposit. And then you got to pay a deposit for water, cable, electricity. And you need furniture, pots, pans, etc... That is why I still have not moved out, yet. And it is not that I don't want to. Because I will be 30 in 5 more weeks and feel that is entirely too old to be still living at home. I just need to pay off my car, credit card bill and loan note which I am half way there on all 3. Get a better paying job that pays at least $10 an hour and want to save up at least $1500 first. I don't want to struggle like some people. Is there anyone you can talk to? A family member or friend that might let you stay with them until things get sorted out with your parents? I do think your parents are a little controlling and extreme. I could not see my parents getting me a baby-sitter at the ages of 17 and 21. That is a bit much. But, please, don't skip school. School is your whole future. To get a good paying job these days, you need the best education you can get.

Good luck moving out... your gonna need it.

You seriously do need to seek some help about this though.

Hey mike,

I did not know it has gotten this bad man. I mean yea, my mom has parental controls and crap on my computer but its for my own good. Mike from a fellow teen, (I am 1 year younger than ya) I know how you feel, sometimes parents bug you a lot, but my mom is very understanding. Ask your dad why he searches your room. Are you being like very private or sneaky, as that worries parents a lot. I sound like a parent my self. Anyway, if you do that I wish ya luck man, but you are going to struggle. You can't live on minumim wage, and if it gets to hard for you and you want to go back home, maybe mom and dad dont want you back. I would think more about that. Just tell your older bro to bug off, and all or if not tell your parents on what he is doing to you, and maybe that will work. I dont know. Good luck, and prayers are with ya. dustin

IMO,

your dad is doing the right thing. He sees some troubling warning signs, as I also do from what you said. Skipping school? Sign of other problems.

10 years later, you'll thank him for what he is doing

i agree with Derek...It is usually for your benefit although it does not seem that way we we are growing up....

i tried the "I'm 18 now...I am an adult" argument an let's just say it did no go over very well. But I would have been "allowed" to move out if I had wanted...but when I figured how much $$$ I would have to be making to "survive"...most people i know who have moved out (barring any physical abuse) never got a high school diploma, never went to trade school, etc...and consequently never got a good job paying much above bare minimum.

When i was 17/18 i thought i knew everything...boy was i wrong!!!!!

Good luck though Conestogo! i wish you the best! personally i would stick around until August...it may seem like an eternity but when you get to be my age 3 months only seems to last about 3 days!

also, do you have a place to go if you do decide to move out?

For the purposes of full disclosure... I did move out at 17, BUT FOR REASONS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAT DESCRIBED IN POST 1 (which I will NOT ever discuss, except with those a part of my inner-circle). However, I did have a place to go (my great-grandmother).

Also, you had better have a darn good set of morals, as on your own, you'll be tempted to do many things... many of which are not good. You had better be prepared to disappoint your friends and say no a lot

Have you considered joining the military after you graduate. You can get training in special fields and during the time you were serving, you have time to think about your future. The military is full of guidance professionals who would help you make the right choices. I think this would be a better option than just hitting the streets. When you leave the military, I would think you would leave with a good skill of your choice.

cajungal wrote:It is very expensive to move out. Your first time moving out you are looking at $1200 mininum. You can't find a 1-bedroom apartment for under $500. Plus when you first move out you also need a deposit. And then you got to pay a deposit for water, cable, electricity. And you need furniture, pots, pans, etc... That is why I still have not moved out, yet. And it is not that I don't want to. Because I will be 30 in 5 more weeks and feel that is entirely too old to be still living at home. I just need to pay off my car, credit card bill and loan note which I am half way there on all 3. Get a better paying job that pays at least $10 an hour and want to save up at least $1500 first. I don't want to struggle like some people. Is there anyone you can talk to? A family member or friend that might let you stay with them until things get sorted out with your parents? I do think your parents are a little controlling and extreme. I could not see my parents getting me a baby-sitter at the ages of 17 and 21. That is a bit much. But, please, don't skip school. School is your whole future. To get a good paying job these days, you need the best education you can get.

that's all true, but in addition, i dont know too many places who will rent to someone who isnt old enough to enter into a legal contract.

my son recently turned 18 and did the same thing. he moved out. he is graduating Thursday and has two jobs where he makes about $25K or so total. he thought it out long and hard before he made the jump.

the bottom line is that there are rules everywhere you go no matter how young or old you are. it IS your parents house and it isnt unreasonable that they expect you to follow certain rules.

Well, you guys do raise some good points. But, I'm sticking with this for now. Unless something happens. My friend Bryan said I could come stay with him for a while. Maybe I'll just try it out for a few months, if it's ruining everything then I'll come back. Bryan isn't a crazy teen, he's attended university, and he has good morals, as someone put it. It's an option.

Hey Janice:: Military is a great suggestion. As far as conestogo_flood dealing with living home I am sure it sucks for you but living on your own sucks even worse. I moved out at 17 many years ago and i regret it now, when it's to late. Is there another family member you can live with> Once you move out life hits you in the head HARD!!! Ok so you have your privacy GREAT! and you can do what you want when you want but it gets old quick because all of your oportunity goes out the window, if it is just rebelious teen issues well that is normal and you are better off grinning and bearing it until you go to college, yeah college why do you say you cant or wont because you get c's and d's? Go sign up at your local community college they will asses you and offer you remidial classes to cetch up and they have labs and tutors to help you all you need is the will to go somewhere in life and trust me unless you get lucky college is important i am living proof. My husband is going now instead of when he was 17 because we were to busy moving out etc etc.. and it sucks bad ...full time job, full time student 3 kids, ect... and you know what the man is getting straight a's because he wants to be a teacher bad and set a good example for our kids and offer them more than just getting by. Give yourself a lifelong gurantee and go to college at least try, and stay at home because it seems that your parents are overly concerned and a little too nosey but that means that they are concerned and they love you and thats a good parent if I have ever seen one. Communicate and make deals and promises with them tell them how you feel and try to get on thier level and if all else fails grin and bear it its a small price to pay for free rent, food water electric etc... and the oportunity to go to college because you can!!!!o.k. Im done

Well, I guess I'm with those who are counselling some caution. Make sure you know where you're going to live, and that you have a reliable plan to support yourself.

I took off at 17, and was on the road for about 2 1/2 years before returning home and finishing school/college. Looking back with some more wisdom than I had a the time, it was pretty foolish and dangerous - and I definitely put my folks through a lot of worry that they didn't deserve. It's my life and I cherish the experiences, but I can't in good concience recommend doing what I did.

just remember that you cant just "join the military". There are assessment tests, physicals, background checks, etc. If they have a slot they think you can fill, then they'll take you. And if you cant stand the rules at home and people watching you and telling you what to do now, then the military isnt for you either. it's like living under a microscope for the first year or so.