A Few Funnies
Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 5:57 pm
> > One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
> > in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
> > anything you want."
> >
> > So he tied her up and went golfing.
> >
> > ***********************************************
> >
> > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and
> > ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the
> > top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> >
> > The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff
> > or mountain stuff?"
> >
> > "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
> >
> > ***********************************************
> > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> >
> > First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> >
> > The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> > 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> >
> > "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
> > ************************************************
> >
> > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
> > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
> > "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my G! OD! You 're cooking
> > too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
> > We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
> > MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
> > said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
> > Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
> > mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
> > them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >
> > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
> > think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> >
> > The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
> > like when I m driving."
> > in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
> > anything you want."
> >
> > So he tied her up and went golfing.
> >
> > ***********************************************
> >
> > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and
> > ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the
> > top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> >
> > The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff
> > or mountain stuff?"
> >
> > "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
> >
> > ***********************************************
> > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> >
> > First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> >
> > The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> > 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> >
> > "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
> > ************************************************
> >
> > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
> > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
> > "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my G! OD! You 're cooking
> > too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
> > We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
> > MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
> > said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
> > Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
> > mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
> > them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >
> > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
> > think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> >
> > The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
> > like when I m driving."
