STORM2K

Do you have one relative in your family who is always causing trouble? The only time they call is to gossip and they are always turning one relative against another?

Every family has at least one.....

My mother... She was on the phone everyday fighting with her sisters over who knows what....

my sister, ugh.

one of my brothers...who got the "good" brother disinherited.

Oh yes! Several actually. On my husband's side of the family it would have to be his sister and his aunt. They are two peas in a pod. On my side of the family it would have to be my mom's uncle.

A year ago I would have said my mom. But since then we've had to assist a BIL who went thru a divorce (long, long story) this past year. He's also disabled from a stroke, so some of the turmoil his situation causes is out of his control. But a lot of it he could control (demands, appreciation, common courtesy). It's just a good thing we share this responsibility with other family members. But as his only brother's wife, we do more than our fair share.

When things get quite tense with him, that's when I realize my mom could be more difficult than she is. My mom and I have never had a close relationship and never will. I just try to keep the peace with her but it's hard sometimes. I was much closer to my dad but he passed away in 1988.

Ironically, my dearly departed MIL is the mother I'm trying my best to emulate. If I could just be 1/10th the mom she was, I'd be so happy. She knew how to be loving and supportive, but from a distance. My mom has never figured that out!

The one thing that I have figured out though and this took me many years to realize - we cannot change anyone else's behavior, actions, comments. We can only change how we react to them.

My best advice in dealing with someone who is very demanding is to just repeat their last absurd request - very slowly, for full effect. Sometimes when they hear it twice, it dawns on them they were out of line. But sometimes it sails right over their head.....LOL

Mary

me

i love causing trouble!

-tk

My family and my inlaws are pretty well behaved. I guess that makes my wife and me the black sheep. Her family is a strongly matriarchal italian family, so the women tend towards being like Marie, on Everyone Loves Raymond. I love that show, I am learning a lot from Raymonds father!

That is my favorite show. I just love his brother Robert.....

I've joked my mom is somewhat like Marie Barone. Most people understand right away when I say that character's name.....we just watched the pilot last night and when Marie began snooping and found a receipt from Victoria Secret's for $130 worth of merch, I cracked up. My mom has snooped plenty in her day....oh yeah, big time. I ~despise~ the snooping!!!! Wonder why they do it? I'll never do that.

Mary