STORM2K

Pre Valentine's Day One Liners...

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Hog and kisses!

Q: What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?
A: A stupid cupid!

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine's Day!

Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A: Sure, they're very scent-imental!

Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: "I'm sweet on you!"

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: "I find you very attractive."

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: A hug and a quiche!

Q: What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
A: Desperate!

Q: What did one pickle say to the other?
A: "You mean a great dill to me."

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A: "I love you a ton!"

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A: "You're fun to hang around with."

Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pincushion!

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: "I dot my i's on you!"

Q:Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
A: She didn't suit his taste!
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Valentine's Vernacular: A Dating Dictionary...

DATING:
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT:
A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND:
A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE:
A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT:
What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC:
A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER:
A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION:
The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT:
What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY:
How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
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For that very special someone...

Yeah, I know it's a day late, but better late than never.

Stop Playing Games With My Heart...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Lookin' for love in all the wrong places...
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A Modern V-Day...

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian Aaint and we're Jewish," he asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, and then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden!?" his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swelled as he looked at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can shoot him."
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Here's to Love for all shapes and sizes...
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The First Kiss

At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's too risky!"

Him: "Oh please, please, I like you so much!"

Her: "No, no and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't."

Him: "I beg you...."

Suddenly, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down and do it. But for crying out loud, tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"
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Who invented HICKIES?

Click here to find out.