STORM2K

Ok, my day job requires me to use an on-line program to audit the providers, well that's been down since Monday. I've done all my reports, did all my training, made all my calls, even got ahead of my stuff that I have to do for the next month. Very limited internet access here also, so been looking at old old posts here and falling asleep.

Anyone got any good jokes or stories post them, anything to keep me awake, lol.

You're the joke teller!!!!! lol You and DeeBee post the funny threads and I must tell you the two of you make me laugh.

angelwing wrote:Ok, my day job requires me to use an on-line program to audit the providers, well that's been down since Monday. I've done all my reports, did all my training, made all my calls, even got ahead of my stuff that I have to do for the next month. Very limited internet access here also, so been looking at old old posts here and falling asleep.

Anyone got any good jokes or stories post them, anything to keep me awake, lol.

You are the joke meister. lol. We are waiting on you!

Funny thing...so am I!! I had 2 scenes to process LATE last night, I've been at work since 0400 (thats with 2 hours of sleep) so needless to say, I'm feeling STUPID, HAPPY and almost DRUNK from being so tired. All of my work is caught up and now I'm trying NOT to fall asleep!

Lol, if I could access my mail, I'd get the jokes

Did you hear about the two blondes that walked into a bar? You think at least one of them would have seen it.

Sorry, that is the best I can do.

This morning on the Interstate,
> I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac
> Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on
> her eyeliner.
> I looked away
> For a couple seconds
> And when I looked back she was
> Halfway over in my lane,
> Still working on that makeup.
> As a man,
> I don't scare easily.
> But she scared me so much;
> I dropped
> My electric shaver,
> Which knocked
> The donut
> Out of my other hand.
> In all
> The confusion of trying
> To straighten out the car
> Using my knees against
> The steering wheel,
> it knocked
> my cell phone
> away from my ear
> which fell
> into the coffee
> between my legs,
> splashed,
> and burned
> Big Jim and the Twins,
> ruined the damn phone,
> soaked my trousers,
> and disconnected an
> important call.
> Damn women drivers!!
>
>
>

Subject: They Walk Among Us



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old Fridge,

He put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.

You want it, you take it." For three days the Fridge sat

There without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided

that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good

to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The

Next day someone stole it.



Caution... They Walk Among Us!





One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone

shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and

said..."where???"



They Walk among us!!





While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which

Direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun

Waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the

North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for

Sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."



They Walk Among Us!!





I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I

Got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was

Open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,

7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting

To end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" .



They Walk Among Us!!!





My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we

overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn.

She got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a

convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the

car was moving".



They Walk Among Us!!!!





I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half pound

sirloin. She informed me they only had an 8 ounce sirloin. Not wanting

to make a scene, I told her I would take the 8 ounce steak instead of

the half-pounder.



They walk among us!





My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through

a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.



They Walk Among Us!!!!!





My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases were

discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier

multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!





I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring

Attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the Chain

rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a

person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter

which way the head is turned...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the

lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed

up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained

professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your

plane arrived yet?"...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!





While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza

to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like

it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before

responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough

to eat 6 pieces.



Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!





And yes ... sadly...not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!









Subject: They Walk Among Us



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old Fridge,

He put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.

You want it, you take it." For three days the Fridge sat

There without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided

that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good

to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The

Next day someone stole it.



Caution... They Walk Among Us!





One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone

shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and

said..."where???"



They Walk among us!!





While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which

Direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun

Waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the

North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for

Sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."



They Walk Among Us!!





I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I

Got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was

Open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,

7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting

To end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" .



They Walk Among Us!!!





My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we

overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn.

She got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a

convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the

car was moving".



They Walk Among Us!!!!





I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half pound

sirloin. She informed me they only had an 8 ounce sirloin. Not wanting

to make a scene, I told her I would take the 8 ounce steak instead of

the half-pounder.



They walk among us!





My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through

a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.



They Walk Among Us!!!!!





My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases were

discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier

multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!





I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring

Attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the Chain

rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a

person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter

which way the head is turned...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the

lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed

up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained

professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your

plane arrived yet?"...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!





While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza

to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like

it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before

responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough

to eat 6 pieces.



Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!





And yes ... sadly...not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!










Subject: They Walk Among Us



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old Fridge,

He put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.

You want it, you take it." For three days the Fridge sat

There without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided

that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good

to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The

Next day someone stole it.



Caution... They Walk Among Us!





One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone

shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and

said..."where???"



They Walk among us!!





While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which

Direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun

Waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the

North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for

Sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."



They Walk Among Us!!





I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I

Got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was

Open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,

7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting

To end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" .



They Walk Among Us!!!





My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we

overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn.

She got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a

convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the

car was moving".



They Walk Among Us!!!!





I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half pound

sirloin. She informed me they only had an 8 ounce sirloin. Not wanting

to make a scene, I told her I would take the 8 ounce steak instead of

the half-pounder.



They walk among us!





My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through

a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.



They Walk Among Us!!!!!





My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases were

discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier

multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!





I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring

Attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the Chain

rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a

person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter

which way the head is turned...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the

lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed

up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained

professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your

plane arrived yet?"...



They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!





While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza

to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like

it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before

responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough

to eat 6 pieces.



Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!





And yes ... sadly...not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!

READ CAREFULLY!


I don't how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out Shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you!!


Here's how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old well-built guys come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed.


It's impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco.


You agree and they get In the back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!! While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!!


I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow. I have a few more old purses in my closet that I can dig out for next week