Are you gullible?

[southerngale]

I know someone who made up a bunch of lies and stories about others and some people apparently assumed it was true. I guess it didn't occur to them that THAT person could be the one lying. Are you gullible like that?

As for me, I tend to question things that I read/hear and not automatically assume they're true. Depending on whether it's something by an individual or something like a news article, I generally consider the source and like to see things from both (all) sides, if applicable.

On the other hand, I do tend to be more gullible in the sense that I have often been too trusting, believing things from people who I thought I could trust, and as a result, I got burned. I guess I try to see the good in people, but I have been stabbed in the back by people who claimed to be a friend. I won't be that gullible again. A few bad apples can really make you stop and think.

[coriolis]

That's a hard one Kelly. I usually avoid other people's personal business so I don't get too wrapped up in their stories. If its something that could affect me personally, first I'll consider the source. I don't have too much trouble with people telling me lies, but I know who exaggerates, who only tells part of the story, etc. If its something really important, I'll listen and ask questions, but I'll find a way to verify it from another source. I really try to avoid being tossed around by every story I hear.

As far as people talking about someone else, I take it with a LARGE grain of salt. I usually just don't want to hear gossip. I always figure that there's more to the story than what they're telling me. I know that in every conflict there's usually two sides to the story and if I'm just hearing one side of the story I know there's more to it.

I figure that someone who is gossiping about someone else would not be above gossiping about me to someone else. I keep my guard up around people like that.

Believe it or not, I've found in life that you can often trust strangers more than you can trust the people around you. It seems like the people who are close to me feel like they can slack off on committments that they make, or find excuses for not delivering, thinking that I'll let it slide. But when I've made agreements with strangers, or mere acquaintenances, they have delivered more often than those close around me.

My wife is the total opposite. She is intensely loyal to the people that she's close to. While she would never stab them in the back, she will get sidetracked in delivering on the promise and then make excuses, or blame other people for the problem. By the same token she's been hurt numerous times by people who were close to her. She'll keep trusting people like that while assuming that strangers are all out to get her.

(OK, I'm editing this for the third time-I keep thinking of more to say)

I'd say that in my life I haven't been hurt too many times because I keep my guard up - even to those around me. It does keep me from getting close to people but I feel safer. I guess that's the baggage that I'm carrying around.

[Rainband]

Kelly I am just like you.

[Miss Mary]

Kelly - am I gullible? Personally speaking probably, I tend to believe people are good and honest. When I find that they're not, I distance myself from them. Because if there's one thing I have learned in this life and from an older age viewpoint (LOL!) is that you cannot change other people! You can only change how you relate to them.

I'm also a firm believer in speaking directly to the party who has upset me. I just have found that taking my frustrations to the source really helps. I don't always take this approach in life but the times that I have, later I found that clearing the air really helped. You can't always save a friendship this way but you can clear the air and move forward. And afterwards, you feel good because whatever issues you had with that person have been put to rest. Wishing you luck with this!

Mary

[Pburgh]

YEP, I'm gullible.

[BreinLa]

Nope, not guillible, not anymore anyway, I am sure I was when I was younger, but got burned a couple of times, took care of that lol. It's really hard for me to trust people I really don't know, takes me a while.

[Stephanie]

I guess you can say that I'm gullible as well. I like to assume that people are good, trustworthy and what they say is the truth. I don't have the energy to read between the lines to figure out if what they say makes sense or not. I don't really care UNTIL it does burn me or someone I care about.

I TRY and treat others the way I want to be treated, especially at the onset. However, I can hold a mean grudge, which isn't the best thing to do either. I've been told by Marty that I treat people that I don't know or have only just met nicer than people that I have known for a long time. I guess that I can't forgive and forget that easily.

[MSRobi911]

I don't really think I am gullible. Sometimes I fall for some silly joke that somebody plays, but when it comes to people that is another story. I am always open and nice when I meet someone new, but I always pay attention to that person and the way they act and how they talk and I think I am a pretty good judge of character, that and I tend to go with my "gut feeling" on how I feel when first meeting someone. Even on line you can usually tell if someone is "for real" or not by the way they treat others that have known them or are around them. BUT I guess I can always be fooled ONCE....but you wont catch me biteing again!

Mary

[chessie45]

I know someone like you mentioned Kelly in the first post. Don't want to mention names. She was telling me a bunch of lies and stories about something, and a little over 1/3 of them were actually true. So and so was doing this, so and so was doing that. Then she completely turned on me, running over to another person and putting me down behind my back (I found out)… I was a little upset and my other friends were as well… they also got burned by this person. But in the long run, things seemed to work themselves out.

[southerngale]

Ed, you're smart. I wish I could be more like you sometimes. I guess in a way, maybe I am. My guard is up more now than it was a few months ago. I definitely think it's up more where news, etc. is concerned. When it comes to individuals, I guess I just want to see the good in them because I've overlooked some obvious warning signs before because I considered the person a friend. I don't think I'll be gullible like that again though. At least I hope not.

Miss Mary, I guess you're like me in the way you see people. Good point about not being able to change people. It's a good idea to distance yourself from people like that so you don't get caught up in their web of drama, and whatnot. I agree with you about speaking to the party who has upset me, but for me, I guess it depends on the circumstances. If it's a really good friend, it could just be a misunderstanding or perhaps a brief heated moment from a friend in distress for whatever reason. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged, if it was a true friendship to begin with. Maybe not, but you're right... it's worth a shot. And then there are those who simply aren't worth it. No excuse by them could explain their actions to my satisfaction because their actions were such that I would never want to associate with a person like that again. And then it's like I said in my original post... believing and trusting can sometimes get you burned. Lesson learned and better to learn it sooner, rather than later, I suppose.

Steph, about reading between the lines... good that you don't. I knew someone who tried to read between the lines so much, they were reading stuff that wasn't even there! lol

[Regit]

Anytime anyone tells me anything I ask myself "How would they know?"

If they are in a position to know, I believe them. If the only way they could know is to hear it from someone who knows someone, I don't believe it.

I should add that, in the case of gossip, even if I figure it's probably true, I very rarely care.

[chessie45]

Ed, you're smart. I wish I could be more like you sometimes. I guess in a way, maybe I am. My guard is up more now than it was a few months ago. I definitely think it's up more where news, etc. is concerned. When it comes to individuals, I guess I just want to see the good in them because I've overlooked some obvious warning signs before because I considered the person a friend. I don't think I'll be gullible like that again though. At least I hope not.

Miss Mary, I guess you're like me in the way you see people. Good point about not being able to change people. It's a good idea to distance yourself from people like that so you don't get caught up in their web of drama, and whatnot. I agree with you about speaking to the party who has upset me, but for me, I guess it depends on the circumstances. If it's a really good friend, it could just be a misunderstanding or perhaps a brief heated moment from a friend in distress for whatever reason. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged, if it was a true friendship to begin with. Maybe not, but you're right... it's worth a shot. And then there are those who simply aren't worth it. No excuse by them could explain their actions to my satisfaction because their actions were such that I would never want to associate with a person like that again. And then it's like I said in my original post... believing and trusting can sometimes get you burned. Lesson learned and better to learn it sooner, rather than later, I suppose.

Steph, about reading between the lines... good that you don't. I knew someone who tried to read between the lines so much, they were reading stuff that wasn't even there! lol

VERY TURE. The person that I was concerned with bashed everything, and really tries to ruin you as a person, she was manipulative and was only concerned with gaining power over something. I sometimes wonder why I didn't see it sooner, but it's sometimes hard NOT to get caught up in the web of lies.

[Miss Mary]

Kelly - look at it this way, if we never tried to give someone the benefit of the doubt, how sad would that be? I'd much rather be naive, trusting and get my feelings hurt along the way than become jaded or very distrusting of others.

Let's just sum it up this way - yes, I am gullible, to a point but I'm also skeptical. Does that make sense?

I usually trust my intuition, it's hardly ever let me down. Trust yours! And oh, yeah my main motto in life is "Take the High Road". Is that easy, oh no! Not at all but in the end you're glad you did. My best example? Oprah (high road). Jerry Springer (gutter!).

Mary

[sunny]

I have had a personal experience where I was indeed gullible to a ‘friend’. This was someone I met a few years back. She was a lot of fun and we became friendly very fast. We joked and we laughed. When someone made us mad we’d vent, you know the normal stuff “can you believe she did this” or “I cannot believe she said that”. We leaned on each other when we were down, we confided in each other. I thought she was a true friend. I had a few people gently suggest to me that I should be careful. I stood up for her and defended her. That is what friends do. There came a time during a conversation when she said something I knew was incorrect and told her I think you may have misunderstood. To which I got oh no, I KNOW what was meant. We went back and forth a few times and I finally just let it go. BUT, I sat back and started watching. There were more than a few times I saw this person twist the same thing I saw or heard into what she wanted it to be, her version of the truth. I started to become somewhat leery. Then came the day when someone approached me and said “I think there is something you should know”. My 'friend' had taken something that I had told her, something personal, and was using it against me. Friends do NOT do that. So the friendship no longer exists. I have since made peace with someone my ‘friend’ tried to prejudice me against and found that this person is not so awful after all.

Do I hate this person for what she did to me? No, hating takes too much time and energy that I have better uses for. Do I wish her ill? No. But her own actions have done her in. She has pretty much alienated herself from everyone.

[Pburgh]

Is all of this about anything specific?

[southerngale]

Is all of this about anything specific?

I don't think you're asking me since my first line says, "I know someone who..." but yeah, at least the idea for the thread was sparked by something specific. Some of it is just generally speaking though, just a topic to discuss for whoever wants to.

[alicia-w]

I am a natural born cynic and am too suspicious to be gullible.

[sunny]

I am a natural born cynic and am too suspicious to be gullible.

I wish I could be more like that. In my particular case I am forced to come face to face with this person every day, well five days a week anyway. The worst part is I really and truly though I could trust this person. We would hang out on the week-ends, so it was quite a shock to me when I found out what she did to me. And a disappointment. Since our falling I just avoid her as much as possible. Speak to her only when necessary. I DID draw the line when she made a rather hurtful remark about my dying brother. When my boss asked me what happened, I told her. She began asking questions of what happened, you two used to be so close? So I told her, I told her how this person has put down every last person in this department to anyone who would stand still and listen, INCLUDING Capital Partners. And then she wonders why no one wants anything to do with her? Go figure....

Edit to say that I have to deal with her when she actually decides to show up for work

[Pburgh]

Well, all I can say is that my friends are my friends. I stick by them until the TRUTH is finally shown to me. I may be gullable but I am loyal and understanding. I've learned this with age and experience. (I've had a lot of experience and at 62, I'm getting older) Being this way has never caused me pain, cause I forgive. It's not healthy to carry things on and on and on and on. Most people will embelish the truth. REALLY Especially when they feel that they are being sabotaged. Good People are Good People and if you can't tell the difference ----- well, shame on you.

[Stephanie]

Kelly - look at it this way, if we never tried to give someone the benefit of the doubt, how sad would that be? I'd much rather be naive, trusting and get my feelings hurt along the way than become jaded or very distrusting of others.

Let's just sum it up this way - yes, I am gullible, to a point but I'm also skeptical. Does that make sense?

I usually trust my intuition, it's hardly ever let me down. Trust yours! And oh, yeah my main motto in life is "Take the High Road". Is that easy, oh no! Not at all but in the end you're glad you did. My best example? Oprah (high road). Jerry Springer (gutter!).

Mary

EXACTLY!!!

I know that's how I want to be treated. I also want to know if I've done anything wrong to someone that I want them to tell me. Believe me, I beat myself up more so than anyone else could. I'd be upset that the person feels that way, but I don't want to get blind sided either later on.