Empty nest...AGAIN!

[Windsong]

Gosh, my heart is breaking this morning. I just dropped my 22 year old son at the airport in Orlando. He's flying back to Hartford CT to finish college. He's been home a month on vacation and I got used to having him around again... I miss him already. Worse then when he went there 3 1/2 years ago. Been blubbering like an idiot since I left him and could barely see to drive home. My 16 year old doesn't know what to do with me....I am not one to cry the poor kid is flabergasted. So am I.

Okay, I feel better now....
Denise

[vbhoutex]

Denise, Been there done that and one has come back and left again, but is here almost every night(25 yrs old). The 22 yr old hasn't ever left the nest!! and probably won't for another 1.5 yrs.(girlfriends graduation) Don't know if I am complaining or happy-probably both. We will always strive to make our children, no matter how old, comfortable with us. It is good to let your emotions go once in a while, whether you normally do or not. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[Miss Mary]

Well Denise - you blubber like an idiot to all of us. We'll get you thru this!

I know the feeling well. My oldest is a Senior in HS. As we began this school year, so many things were hitting us - her last Christmas Orchestra Concert, her last exams (I forgot to send in $5 for each of my girls to get their exam goody pack, a drink, snack, pencil, etc. A note from parents wishing them luck). I said these were your last exams!!! She said - Mom, hardly anyone gets those packs!!! Of course I said oh, didn't know that. It does sound like a Elem School thing....then xmas came. She wanted to do so many fun xmas things - looking at a downtown train display, ice skating, etc. We did some but not all and then the 25th came. And now time will fly by until her graduation I'm sure. We have to order an ad for her yearbook this weekend - with baby pictures and a senior pic. You can write a cute poem, but I've been coached not to do that. Just a good luck in college thing she said. LOL

I remember back to when she started K and we figured out she'd be graduating HS in 2005. It seemed SO far off, I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have teenagers.

I want to go back!!!! And do it all over again. Sometimes. Then other times I love where my kids are - school wise and ages.

I know I'll be crying when she goes off to college. But I keep telling myself they will happy tears since I didn't do that at age 18.

I'm sure your topic will generate lots of posts today. Some parents are skipping around, reveling in the empty nest stage. I just don't think I'll be one of them either. I've loved being a mom and having my kids HOME. I suspect you're the same way!

Mary

[vbhoutex]

Mary wait till she calls you from her first day alone at college, crying and blubbering that she wants to come home, that she can't find anything, etc.LOLOL!!! Ms. INDEPENDENT did just that with us!! I darn near had to hog tie her mother to keep her from running off to the University in the middle of the day to "rescue" her. BTW, she graduated in 4 years with a 3.27 GPA and was quite successful in her chosen major while at school. She is also doing well in her chosen field of advertising.

[Miss Mary]

Mary wait till she calls you from her first day alone at college, crying and blubbering that she wants to come home, that she can't find anything, etc.LOLOL!!! Ms. INDEPENDENT did just that with us!! I darn near had to hog tie her mother to keep her from running off to the University in the middle of the day to "rescue" her. BTW, she graduated in 4 years with a 3.27 GPA and was quite successful in her chosen major while at school. She is also doing well in her chosen field of adveritising.

Oh I know that first call when something is going wrong, will be hard on me!!! She has called me on while on out of town school trips. She has a high pitched Hi Mom greeting and then silence. I can hear her sniffling and the crying starts up. All she really needs is to touch base and tell me something. But it will be very tempting to hop in that car too! Maybe I should keep the tank on empty a lot? LOL

Thanks for the warning. Nina's very independent but there will be a few rough patches I think.

You should be very proud of your daughter David! Nina's GPA is near that, a 3.4 now. She'd love to be the perfect 4.0 type but she also likes her free time and belonging to many clubs. Sometimes having a kid in the middle there, GPA wise, seems more normal to me. A's AND B's are something to be proud of. I'd rather her not obsess about getting straight A's to be honest. For the most part she doesn't.

Mary

[azsnowman]

I know the feeling, my son Chris, went back to live near his mother just before Christmas....it is indeed a bummer, after having him around here for 3 years, it does get lonesome, now I know how the older folks in retirement, nursing homes feel

Dennis

[coriolis]

SIGH. Sometimes I wish my kids 8,10,12 & 13 would go out for a while. We're all getting cabin fever and knocking heads over here.

[depotoo]

it is amazing how we wish we had some time for ourselves when they are little then we think the world has ended when they leave?? lol
my youngest started college this year and he is only 30 minutes away but it might as well be 5 hrs.!! It was so wonderful having him here for that month at Christmas - I love having the kids around! Now it is too quiet once again.

[GulfBreezer]

I feel your pain!! My oldest son left right after High School to go to FSU (He is a sophmore now) but I don't think I have ever cried that much! I felt like someone had taken my right arm. When I took him over there, I creid the whole way there and he kept saying "mom, I am going to be okay!!" and of course, that made the faucet run more!! When I had thought I had cried all I could, I left and cried the whole way home, even had to pull over so I wouldn't kill myself or someone else because I couldnt see the road! Granted, I got over it and he is doing great but at the time, I felt like I would never stop hurting. Now I have one more left in the house for 4 more years. I am sure I will do the exact same thing when that time comes for him.

[Windsong]

Thanks everyone, for understanding. I've raised these boys single handed for the last 11 years, and even though I have done my level best to prepare them for living in the world, I see clearly that I neglected to perpare MYSELF! I have a couple of years to correct that before I have to do it again with my son. I'd better master this, cause I am down to my last kid. Why is this so hard?

Denise

[Pburgh]

Oh Windsong here's a big ((HUG)). I was in exactly the same boat many years ago. I had been a single parent for 10 years when my oldest went off to college. My youngest, who was 16 at the time, came with me as I drove Tracy to West Virginia University. I was tear free until my youngest and I started the drive home. I had to pull off the highway and let Tish drive. As we were driving and I was sobbing like a baby, Tish looked at me and said "Mom, I'm going to be going to college in 2 years. Who's going to drive you home then?? We'll probably have to BUS you home!!!"

Hang in there, it really does get better my friend.
Karan

[MSRobi911]

Man, my eyes are full of tears just reading all of this. I took my daughter to Ole Miss last Friday and have not yet let myself let go. Every time I think about it I tear up, but then I make myself think of something else. She went to Jr. College for two years only an hour and 15 minutes away so she came home every weekend and sometimes during the week if she left something and I was used to her being gone. Then she stayed home this last semester and worked part time and went to the local Jr. college so she could get an apartment in Oxford.

So after I got used to her being here again, she has left again. I have been so busy this past week that I haven't stopped long enough to let myself think about it. She calls every night and has called several times and said she was homesick and lonely and sad and to thank me for reminding her to take her anxiety medicine cause she doesn't think she could have made it without it. She finally got to go to Orientation last Friday and feels a little better. I don't think "apartment life" is what she had in mind. It is totally different from living in a dorm which is what she was used to.

And your right, the first time she called and said Mom, I am so sick, I am throwing up and feel so bad what do I do, of course "mom" wanted to jump in the car and go hold her hair while she worshiped the porcelean throne, but then when I got finished with the questions.....I told her to suck it up....that's what you get when you drink too much!!!!! Made me feel a little better anyway.......they gotta learn .... since then she hasn't had too much to drink again, I think she learned her lesson.

My son graduates high school this year and I, along with you Miss Mary, am feeling all the pains of knowing he will be leaving next year. It started with senior portraits in the summer and then to ordering invitations right before Christmas and Friday it was pictures with Cap and Gown, the colleges are sending tons and tons of mail and my mail box is full. He made a 25 on his ACT so I am plenty proud of him. If it hadn't been for the 20 in the math part he would have made a lot higher, but he hasn' t had math since the first semester of last year...our high school is on the 4 X 4 system, 4 classes one semester and 4 the next.

So when he leaves next August for Band camp at which ever college he chooses I will be really lost as I was President of the Band Parents Association for the past 6 years and won't know what to do with myself.

Now that I have written a journal, I feel better and my tears have dried up. Thanks for listening!!!!

Mary

[Miss Mary]

Oh my Mary - you and I need to go out for coffee when our kids leave for college!!! You will miss being the Band Parent Rep I'm sure. Hey, get this - our HS's drama dept is very active and has wonderful, supportive parents I hear. A father of a drama student who graduated 2 years ago, is still in charge of crew and sets, 4 plays a year! Can you believe that? That is dedication. So if the Band ever needs you, I'm sure they wouldn't turn down your help? But it could be sad b/c your son won't be there. I was amazed the drama student's dad is still so involved. And there are no younger siblings coming along, the dad just really enjoys putting in his time. I think you'll find your niche, as I will. And I have one more at home still (who is quite needy, unlike my senior, who's very independent). So I won't exactly have my evenings free for while. Years ago I gardened, sewed, read novels, etc. I know I'll stay busy, but it will be a different busy. I already know this is the best time in my life, not trying to be sad about it fading away, just trying to make the remaining years they're home extra special.

Karan - awww, I teared up reading how you had to pull over! Loved what Tish said too - a bus!!!! Out of the mouths of babes...but they're not babies anymore....

Don't you all remember what older parents or parents of teens would say when our kids were babies - enjoy these days, b/c they'll be over before you know it! At the time, I'd smile, b/c I kept hearing this, over and over again. And I was thinking - yeah, I'm functioning on less than 5 hours sleep, this kid poops like crazy, eats like there's no tomorrow, and won't NAP!!! I'd walk away thinking - are these people nuts, they long for THESE days back? Silly I'd think.....LOL

Now I know what they meant.

Mary

[MGC]

I know the feeling. My middle son leaves on an around the world cruise soon on the USS Carl Vincent. It was difficult dropping him off at the New Orleans airport Thankgiving weekend. I cried all the way back to Mississippi.......MGC

[MSRobi911]

Miss Mary, I am sure I will still go and be with the Band as I enjoy the children and the band parents. Of course, I won't have to totally work my behind off as I have in the past, but will do what I can to help out. My husband is the "offical pop corn maker" in the concession stand which we run at the football games so they won't let him retire....he says he will be at every home game to help.

I understand the guy with the drama department. Our treasure's daughter graduated 2 years ago and she stayed on to be with us. Her husband has MS and doesn't get out of the house and her daughter was away at Ole Miss so she didn't have anything else to do...haha, like get a life. We have had several parents that always come back and help when they are needed and their kids have been gone for several years. And of course they all help with the big Fund Raiser, we sell Indian River Oranges and Grapefruit at Christmas time and that makes the majority of our fund raising money.

Hope all of you "college kids" and I say that term loosely cause most all of the posts I have read are from intelligent people and can't always tell the age of some until they mention they are in school or their age. Take note of all the sad parents and give your mommas a call and tell them you love them!

Oh yea, my son had a GREAT time in London over the Christmas holidays. The band marched in the New Year's Day Parade for the Queen in London.

Mary

[Windsong]

Thanks everyone for sharing your experience, strength and hope. Next year when my last one leaves home for college, I will probably be reduced to a blubbering idiot once again, but at least I know I am not alone.

My 16 year old is worried about what will happen when HE leaves. Poor kid. I told him not to worry and not to let that stop him from moving on with his life. Yes, I will cry and yes I will miss him, but I'll adjust and so will he. Bless his little heart. he gets so unnerved when I cry and will do ANYTHING to make me stop...(including staying home and doing college locally, and I don't think that is the best thing for him either)

Thanks so much for letting me vent and for helping me realize that I am just part of a process and that there are those out there that know exactly how I am feeling.

Be blessed,
Denise

[Pburgh]

I know being a single parent makes it more difficult. ((Hugs)) Just for the record, the second child is not as hard as the first - at least it wasn't for me. Don't know why that was.

[Miss Mary]

Oh I know I'll be sad when my firstborn leaves for college. And isn't living at home 24/7. I'll be crying. Big time. But I keep telling myself they will be happy tears. Because going off to college, to live in a dorm, right out of HS is what I wished so much I had done with my life! My husband got to do that and for years he's been telling us the funniest stories. Since Nina was very little she has said this is what she wants to do - be at least 3 hours away from home and stay in a dorm. I've been able to catch a glimpse of what this experience must have been like for my husband. He said HS was great and he made many lifelong friends to this very day. But 4 years of college away from his family, was a unique and special time in his life to really grow up.

So when I get sad that she's almost grown up and not home with me next August, I will keep telling myself - she's living a dream I wish I had followed.

But check back with me again. Because this strategy may all fall apart!!!!

Mary

PS - At her recent annual checkup with the Ped., he asked what her plans were for college. And did she want to live at home or in a dorm. Or even an apartment. Nina said very emphatically - a dorm! Then he got quite serious - he said to make sure she gets her Menningitis shot before leaving for college. It's a must! I didn't realize how serious this was until I had a 17 year old. Apparently living in close proximity with other peers and not eating right/exercising/sleeping well, lowers their immune system and there have been college students that have become very ill with Menningitis or tragically, died from it. So get their shot! Don't forget!!! Nina vows to continue her Vegetarian lifestyle and exercise every day on campus. I really believe her. I just don't think she'll be one of those Freshman 15 kids or get sick a lot. Knock on wood....

[alicia-w]

You are SO lucky to have kids that are missed! I could not wait for my 20 year old daughter to move to south Florida. She was driving me CRAZY. Now that she's out of the apronstring-strangling distance, she's at least becoming human.

Only one of the kids is left and when he leaves, I KNOW I'll be a basket case.

[MSRobi911]

Miss Mary

Aimee also went to the Pediatrician, yea, she's 20, so what, he was there when they cut her out of my tummy, so he is "family". She has ADHD and an anxiety disorder that he treats her for. It's hard to switch to a family doctor that doesn't know her. He told her to get the menningitis shot too. She went to the local County health department and they wanted $80.00 CASH for the injection. She didn't have that much cash so she didn't get the shot. She had to get an update on her MMR which was only $10.00 so when she comes home she has to go back and get the the expensive one.

Mary