Summer Declares Independence From June's Cool Regime in East

[donsutherland1]

For the most part, June saw somewhat cooler than normal readings prevail across the Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern United States. In Boston, the monthly mean temperature came to 66.5° or 2.1° below normal. Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. also saw somewhat below normal readings. In New York City, the thermometer came in close to its seasonal norm.

However, news from the computer models and ensembles has it that Summer has declared independence from the cool regime that ruled June. Already, across Maryland and parts of Pennsylvania, meteorological battles akin to those first skirmishes of the American Revolution at Lexington and Concord have taken place with affected areas being hammered by dangerous lightning, booming thunder, high winds, and the pounding artillery of rain and hail.

Now, as the 228th anniversary of America’s Declaration of Independence approaches, Summer has issued its own Declaration of Independence:

When in the Course of meteorological events, it becomes necessary for one season to dissolve the bands which have connected it with another, and to assume among the realms of nature, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature entitle it, a decent respect for the expression of its distinctive character requires that it should declare the causes which impels it to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that July and August are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are heat, humidity, and the pursuit of record high temperatures—That to secure these rights, a Bermuda High is instituted, deriving its scorching powers from the consent of warm SSTAs.

The history of the past month is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny of unseasonable chill over the Summer season. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

• June in Boston saw the 49th coolest temperatures on record.

• June in Boston suffered from ten days where the temperature dropped below 55°, including two days with harshly cold 49° low temperatures.

• June in Washington, DC experienced the 60th coolest readings on record.

• June in Washington, DC saw frequent rainfall that restrained the rise of the thermometer.

• Late June across the eastern United States saw unnaturally low dewpoint readings.

We, the hot winds of Summer and the sun above, therefore solemnly publish and declare, That these two months [July and August] are, and of Right ought to be Free and independent from the month of June; that they are Absolved from all allegiance to June’s cool regime, and that all meteorological connection between them and the month of June, is and ought to be totally dissolved.

Now, if everything goes to plan according to the latest computer guidance, the first victories of the rising summer should occur within days. Then, temperatures should rise into the upper 80s and lower 90s across many parts of the eastern United States with July 10 +/- 2 days perhaps turning into Summer’s victory at Yorktown. If so, the second half of July and August should feature generally above normal readings and periodic episodes of that classic summer recipe of heat, humidity and haze.

For now, have a very happy Independence Day!