I apologize if this has been posted previously. I find it humorous.
You know you're living on the Gulf Coast when...
... you have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
... you have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
... your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti-Os.
... you are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place.
... you are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
... you are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded.
... the road leading to your house has been declared a "No-Wake Zone".
... you decide that your patio furniture actually looks better on the bottom of the pool.
... you own more than three large coolers.
... you can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
... three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
... you catch 5-pound catfish. In your driveway.
... you can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
...at cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
... you have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
... there is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
... you can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
... someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
... ice is a valid topic of conversation.
... relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
... you use the phrase "hunkered down" way too many times in casual conversation.
... you've pondered the meaning of the word "mandatory".
... you own more than one five-gallon gas can.
... you have plywood in storage which you won't touch for home improvement projects. You have five phones in your house, but one of them will always be a "hard-line" phone that doesn't need electricity.
... you've cooked dinners consisting of "anything and everything perishable."
... you're seriously thinking of leaving your house boarded up from June 1st to November 30th. Your neighbors don't think this is the least bit odd.
... you've bought large quantities of bleach, without really knowing why.
... you know what a "northeast quadrant" is.
... your local news media regularly refer to their "storm alert partners".
... your local news media spend more than 1 hour (sometimes more than 24 hours) discussing the same weather event.
... the sound of your air conditioner running gives you a "warm fuzzy feeling".
... you regularly store more bottled water than you could drink in a week.
... your BBQ grill has more than just recreational uses.
... you've started painting little hurricane shapes on your plywood like the bombs painted on WWII bombers.
... you know the latitude and longitude for your house.
... you know how high above sea level your house is and where you are situated with regards to the 100 year flood plain.
... something in your yard is tied down with airplane cable.
... you know what both the Saffir-Simpson Scale and the Fujita-Pearson Scale are.
... you plant trees based on wind resistance.
... you plant trees, all the while thinking of how tall they will get and what they will hit if they fall. Still, you plant them anyway.
... candles and oil lamps have lost all their romantic associations.
... you know how long your bathtub will hold water.
... you've used your washing machine to store water in, and considered this quite clever.
... you know there's no Category 6.
... you know WHY there's no Category 6.
... you are concerned about the weather in the Cape Verde Islands.
... FEMA has had a "temporary" office set up in your community for more than 6 months.
...it no longer surprises you to find out that your county has been declared a disaster area. Friends and family call "just to make sure you're still there".
... you know that one end of Cuba has more mountains than the other.
... you think 5-day forecasts are infinitely better than 3-day forecasts.
... your internet browser's home page is set for any weather outlet, i.e. Intellicast.com, Weather Underground, or NOAA.gov.
... you've been through a storm whose name has been "retired" by the National Hurricane Center.
... you're annoyed by the "media frenzy" over a storm, but you watch them anyway.
... you know which members of your family are considered "essential personnel”.
... there's a map of the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean on your refrigerator.
... you've driven north in the southbound lane of an interstate and weren't worried about getting arrested or running into oncoming traffic.
Gulf Coast humor
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vbhoutex
- Storm2k Executive
- Posts: 29113
- Age: 73
- Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2002 11:31 pm
- Location: Cypress, TX
- Contact:
Gulf Coast humor
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It's still funny tho
Re: Gulf Coast humor
So just what is the bleach for anyways? It shows up on every supply list, but I'm not sold on it for water purification if that's supposed to be its use.
.... You'd never consider putting blue shingles or tiles on your roof because they remind you of Army Corps of Engineers tarps. I can actually remember getting into a discussion ways back about how blue-roofed homes might be harded to sell down here than other color roofs.
.... You'd never consider putting blue shingles or tiles on your roof because they remind you of Army Corps of Engineers tarps. I can actually remember getting into a discussion ways back about how blue-roofed homes might be harded to sell down here than other color roofs.
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Nederlander
- S2K Supporter
- Posts: 1250
- Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2008 4:28 pm
- Location: Conroe, TX
Re: Gulf Coast humor
I have one to add to the list lol..
... you check the satellite loop every five minutes realizing that every wobble you see is just more indication that the forecast track is wrong and the storm is heading right for you
... you check the satellite loop every five minutes realizing that every wobble you see is just more indication that the forecast track is wrong and the storm is heading right for you
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Re: Gulf Coast humor
vbhoutex wrote:
You know you're living on the Gulf Coast when...
... you have FEMA's number on your speed dialer. 1-800-361-3362
... your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti-Os. Nope, cases of MRE's
... you are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place. Acually painted the pre cut and drilled boards to match the house with labels for each window.
... you are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot. Don't forget the managers.
... you are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded. This year $5 is looking pretty good.
... the road leading to your house has been declared a "No-Wake Zone". Weapons keep it that way.
... you decide that your patio furniture actually looks better on the bottom of the pool. I don't have a pool but it does look quite handsome as a seating group in the garage.
... you own more than three large coolers. These are of course the 60 quart right.
... you can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Sad but true. Oh don't look at us that way..............you know you've laughed your ass off when someone has slipped and fallen or had a freak accident. You don't want them to be hurt but it's still funny.
... three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight. Boy, this is an understatement. Out of necessity you find yourself doing things that you never dreamed of, and get pretty darn efficient at it too.
... you catch 5-pound catfish. In your driveway. We did catch an alligator gar on my sidewalk next to the front porch.
... you can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy. Yes, and just a week ago I had some adjusters meeting to confirm what was NOT there, coverage for any type of contamination.
...at cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw. My panties got wet just thinking of a man with a hot shower and real food. . Thank God it was my husband.
... there is a roll of tar paper in your garage.[b] and at least 2 20x40 tarps that aren't blue.[b/]
... you can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
... someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof. [b] LOL, actually had this happen and I was nice enough to tell the Texas Roadhouse that their business sign was perfectly preserved in my back door,, well southwest of their location.[b/]
... ice is a valid topic of conversation.
... relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
... you use the phrase "hunkered down" way too many times in casual conversation.
... you've pondered the meaning of the word "mandatory".
... you own more than one five-gallon gas can.
... you have plywood in storage which you won't touch for home improvement projects. You have five phones in your house, but one of them will always be a "hard-line" phone that doesn't need electricity.
... you've cooked dinners consisting of "anything and everything perishable."
... you're seriously thinking of leaving your house boarded up from June 1st to November 30th. Your neighbors don't think this is the least bit odd.
... you've bought large quantities of bleach, without really knowing why.
... you know what a "northeast quadrant" is.
... your local news media regularly refer to their "storm alert partners".
... your local news media spend more than 1 hour (sometimes more than 24 hours) discussing the same weather event.
... the sound of your air conditioner running gives you a "warm fuzzy feeling".
... you regularly store more bottled water than you could drink in a week.
... your BBQ grill has more than just recreational uses.
... you've started painting little hurricane shapes on your plywood like the bombs painted on WWII bombers.
... you know the latitude and longitude for your house.
... you know how high above sea level your house is and where you are situated with regards to the 100 year flood plain.
... something in your yard is tied down with airplane cable.
... you know what both the Saffir-Simpson Scale and the Fujita-Pearson Scale are.
... you plant trees based on wind resistance.
... you plant trees, all the while thinking of how tall they will get and what they will hit if they fall. Still, you plant them anyway.
... candles and oil lamps have lost all their romantic associations.
... you know how long your bathtub will hold water.
... you've used your washing machine to store water in, and considered this quite clever.
... you know there's no Category 6.
... you know WHY there's no Category 6.
... you are concerned about the weather in the Cape Verde Islands.
... FEMA has had a "temporary" office set up in your community for more than 6 months.
...it no longer surprises you to find out that your county has been declared a disaster area. Friends and family call "just to make sure you're still there".
... you know that one end of Cuba has more mountains than the other.
... you think 5-day forecasts are infinitely better than 3-day forecasts.
... your internet browser's home page is set for any weather outlet, i.e. Intellicast.com, Weather Underground, or NOAA.gov.
... you've been through a storm whose name has been "retired" by the National Hurricane Center.
... you're annoyed by the "media frenzy" over a storm, but you watch them anyway.
... you know which members of your family are considered "essential personnel”.
... there's a map of the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean on your refrigerator.
... you've driven north in the southbound lane of an interstate and weren't worried about getting arrested or running into oncoming traffic.
0 likes
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Dionne
- S2K Supporter
- Posts: 1616
- Age: 74
- Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:51 am
- Location: SW Mississippi....Alaska transplant via a Southern Belle.
Re: Gulf Coast humor
Last week you opened and warmed a Menu No. 10 Chili and Macaroni MRE just to see if the 5 year shelf life was valid.
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Evil Jeremy
- S2K Supporter
- Posts: 5463
- Age: 32
- Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2006 2:10 pm
- Location: Los Angeles, CA
Re: Gulf Coast humor
'Twas the night before Frances
When all through the state
Not a gas pump was pumping
Not a store open late
All the plywood was hung
On the windows with care
Knowing that a hurricane
Soon would be there
The children were ready
With flashlights in hand
While bands from the hurricane
Covered over the land
And mamma with her Mag-Lite
And I in my cap
Had just filled the bath tub
For flushing our crap
When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from the closet
To see what was the matter
The trees on the fence
And the neighbor's roof torn
Gave the fear of us dying
In this terrible storm
With a little wind gust
So lively and quick
I remembered quite clearly
Our walls weren't brick
More rapid than eagles
Her courses they came
And she whistled, and wafted
And surged all the same
Off shingles! Off sidings!
Off rooftops! Off power!
Down trees! Down fences!
Down trailers! Down towers!
In the center of Florida
She continued to maul
Screaming Blow Away!
Blow Away! Blow Away All!
As wind ripped and tossed
The debris through the sky
I peeked out the shutters
At cars floating by
So go to the safe-room
My family did do
With a portable radio
And batteries too
And then, in a twinkling
I heard on the set
The end was not coming
For a few hours yet!
As I calmed down the kids
And was turning around
Through the window it came
With a huge crashing sound
A tree branch it was
All covered in soot
The wind blew it smack-dab
On top of my foot
A bundle of twigs
Now lay in a stack
And my living room looks
Like it was under attack
The wind - how it howled!
The storm - very scary!
Myself and the family
Were all too unwary
The dangers of hurricanes
Are serious, you know
They are taken for granted
As Frances did show
With the winds dying down
And the danger beneath
I noticed my tool shed
Was missing its sheath
So I grabbed my last tarp
And nailed it on down
Then I got in my car
And I headed to town
The traffic was awful
And stores had no ice
My five gallon cooler
Would have to suffice
Generators were scarce
Not one left in town
There were trees on the roads
And power lines down
FEMA was ready
With people to work
Electrical companies
Came in from New York
And in the midst of
This peculiar routine
Another storm emerged
Named Hurricane Jeanne
I sprang to the car
And gave my family a whistle
Then away we all went
Like a Tomahawk missile
You could hear us exclaim
As we drove out of sight
"Fare well to this place,
Vermont seems just right!"
When all through the state
Not a gas pump was pumping
Not a store open late
All the plywood was hung
On the windows with care
Knowing that a hurricane
Soon would be there
The children were ready
With flashlights in hand
While bands from the hurricane
Covered over the land
And mamma with her Mag-Lite
And I in my cap
Had just filled the bath tub
For flushing our crap
When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from the closet
To see what was the matter
The trees on the fence
And the neighbor's roof torn
Gave the fear of us dying
In this terrible storm
With a little wind gust
So lively and quick
I remembered quite clearly
Our walls weren't brick
More rapid than eagles
Her courses they came
And she whistled, and wafted
And surged all the same
Off shingles! Off sidings!
Off rooftops! Off power!
Down trees! Down fences!
Down trailers! Down towers!
In the center of Florida
She continued to maul
Screaming Blow Away!
Blow Away! Blow Away All!
As wind ripped and tossed
The debris through the sky
I peeked out the shutters
At cars floating by
So go to the safe-room
My family did do
With a portable radio
And batteries too
And then, in a twinkling
I heard on the set
The end was not coming
For a few hours yet!
As I calmed down the kids
And was turning around
Through the window it came
With a huge crashing sound
A tree branch it was
All covered in soot
The wind blew it smack-dab
On top of my foot
A bundle of twigs
Now lay in a stack
And my living room looks
Like it was under attack
The wind - how it howled!
The storm - very scary!
Myself and the family
Were all too unwary
The dangers of hurricanes
Are serious, you know
They are taken for granted
As Frances did show
With the winds dying down
And the danger beneath
I noticed my tool shed
Was missing its sheath
So I grabbed my last tarp
And nailed it on down
Then I got in my car
And I headed to town
The traffic was awful
And stores had no ice
My five gallon cooler
Would have to suffice
Generators were scarce
Not one left in town
There were trees on the roads
And power lines down
FEMA was ready
With people to work
Electrical companies
Came in from New York
And in the midst of
This peculiar routine
Another storm emerged
Named Hurricane Jeanne
I sprang to the car
And gave my family a whistle
Then away we all went
Like a Tomahawk missile
You could hear us exclaim
As we drove out of sight
"Fare well to this place,
Vermont seems just right!"
0 likes
Frances 04 / Jeanne 04 / Katrina 05 / Wilma 05 / Fay 08 / Debby 12 / Andrea 13 / Colin 16 / Hermine 16 / Matthew 16 / Irma 17
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emanuelrgz
- Tropical Wave
- Posts: 5
- Age: 36
- Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 12:44 pm
- Location: San Germán, Puerto Rico
- Contact:
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vbhoutex
- Storm2k Executive
- Posts: 29113
- Age: 73
- Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2002 11:31 pm
- Location: Cypress, TX
- Contact:
Re: Gulf Coast humor
ROFL @ Jagno and Evil Jeremy!!! Sadly many of us can identify with too much on that list or maybe it is good that we can.
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Skywarn, C.E.R.T.
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