Hillarious Phone Messages

[TexasStooge]

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

[HurricaneGirl]

Those are funny!! I just may have to implement one into action at home...

[arkess7]

[coriolis]

Hello, you have reached the number that you have dialed. If you believe it's the right number, you may leave a message.


If you have a teenager that gets too many calls:

Hello, this is the Brown residence. If you wish to speak to Ed, press 1. For Theresa, press 2. For Aaron, press 3. for Tyler, press 4. for Dillon, press 5. For Ryan press 4965843506894583.

[wetwilderbeast]

Those are pretty funny. I have an I'm busy instant message that responses to text messages-I love it. It's "My thumbs are on vacation right now so you can either talk to the hand or I can direct you to my middle finger"--my friends thought it was funny.

[tornadochaser1986]

i have this roy d mercer answering machine it goes Hello This here is ROy D Mercer the folks that live here cant come to the phone right now and as i see this we can handle this one of two ways either u can leave a message or you can hang up and risk getting your A** whipped the choice is yours after you hear the tone

[beachbum_al]

Those are funny. I thought about putting a few of those on my machine. Especially the one about

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.


Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

but I would probably start laughing and it would ruin it.