Sven & Olie Stories

[Dee Bee]

If you're from MN or either of the Dakotas, you're probably familiar with
Sven & Olie jokes. Here's a collection of all the classics. (Remember to
read these with a "Scandanoovian" accent!)

Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell to
The sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. The Operator
Said "Where are you?"
Ole said, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus
Street."
The operator said, "How do you spell that?" and the phone seemed to go
Dead. The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting.
Then he came back on and said, "I dragged her over to Oak St, that's
O-A-K."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada
To hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for
The return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let
Us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on
Full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down
A few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we
Are?"
"Yaaah I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does
It take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?" "Yust a minute", said the
busy clerk.
"Vell", said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take DA
bus."
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged
Non-support.
He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for
Support."
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to
Chip in a few bucks, myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars the bartender asked Ole, "Do ya know DA difference between a
Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
"Vell, dere gose five dollars down DA drain for dat flight insurance!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if DA turn
Signals are working."
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said,
"Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to."
So Ole drove to Duluth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the
Obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
Condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena
Replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'." The gentleman, somewhat perplexed,
Said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, there must be something more
You'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the
First five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put, Ole
Died. Boat for sale"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sven," said Ole. "How many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?"
After Sven replied, "I don't know," Ole said, "Only two, if you run them
Through real slow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
Inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to
Svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars.
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady
Turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm
Norvegian and my name isn't Valter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And dot's enough!!

[Kim_in_MN]

Yah, you bet. But, I have to point out (as a good Norwegian) that it is spelled Ole

[Merovingian]

LOL!

[alicia-w]

those are good....

[Dee Bee]

Yah, you bet. But, I have to point out (as a good Norwegian) that it is spelled Ole

Hey, der, Kim -- slip of the typing fingers -- tanks!

[Kim_in_MN]

Yah, you bet. But, I have to point out (as a good Norwegian) that it is spelled Ole

Hey, der, Kim -- slip of the typing fingers -- tanks!

Maybe some Ole and Lena jokes next?

Kim