Are we raising Monsters?

[MiamiensisWx]

I've tried that, too; however, even when I tell adults I had to defend myself and why, they still did not listen. I got in trouble while the aggressor had it EASY. Why? Isn't that annoying? SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

[Janice]

Kids do what their parents do in a lot of cases. I have seen it a lot. It parents shout, swear, are slobs in their house, eat crap, treat other people bad, are lazy and take no responsibility..............their kids tend to do so too.

[MiamiensisWx]

Kids do what their parents do in a lot of cases. I have seen it a lot. It parents shout, swear, are slobs in their house, eat crap, treat other people bad, are lazy and take no responsibility..............their kids tend to do so too.

Great points. How can you "teach" kids anything good and then try to disguise your ugly side? Why not tell your kids about it and admit your weaknesses? Then they would maybe have a better understanding and try to do the opposite.

[Janice]

Why not clean up your act before having children.....

[MiamiensisWx]

Why not clean up your act before having children.....

Good suggestion.

EDIT - By the way, I'm 13.

[j]

Reading this topic reminded me of an old topic we had here on S2k. I had actually saved my post, as I have come accustomed to doing, on anything lengthy (too many windows crashes in the middle of essays). The reason I’m re-visiting it, is to comment on 18 year-old (now 20). She had to go her own way, and as I stated, despite everything we tried to do, to steer her in the right direction, we were met with failure. However, almost 3 years have passed, and this “child” has apparently learned from her mistakes, matured, and she is now becoming, (what we like to think) is a reflection of the moral code we tried to instill in those formative years. My point is (I suppose) that you can only do your best with your children. You can’t control what they do, who they see, and the way they choose to live. Fine lines with kids because it seems the more you push upon them, the more they reject you. As I sit here today, I don’t know what I would have done differently to prevent problems we have had.


My older post:

Just another example of what happens when outlandish behavior is not only accepted, but also promoted. Then...when all hell breaks loose...the parents look at each other and wonder how in the world, that their church attending, youth group member child could be doing such a thing!

Good chance to morph a little here. I'm a parent of an out of control 18-year-old girl, and with God as my witness...I have done everything in my power to set a moral example for them to follow. But I admit, my wife and I have lost yet another battle. (This is out-of-control #2).

Leading by example is all well and good, but unfortunately, we cannot police our children 24/7. They are subject to everything that is wrong with our culture, and the best of kids can be drawn into its decadence.

As an example: Here in the Bible Belt.... Upstate SC...The Southern Baptists are at the Church every time the door opens. They can recite every passage from the Bible by heart, and will quickly turn a general conversation into a Religious discussion. Their life centers around the church. They think their kids are noble and respectful, and they trust them to the point where they think both sex sleep overs are fine, because after all, these are good youth group members...they go on mission trips, and play church basketball, and hold car washes. They would never do anything disrespectful such as fornicating in a sleeping bag, 30 minutes after praying together before retiring for the night. But it happens...even to the "good" kids, despite parents who think they are doing everything right.

Somewhere around 17 or 18, unless by some miracle from above, your children begin to experiment. They have been living one way, but everything around them says it’s really not like this. Tattoo’s, body piercings, group sex, Bi-Sex, interracial sex, all night clubs, raves, drugs... you name it...its available, AND promoted by the Music Industry and the Movie Industry. All this awaits your church attending, morally respectful child, outside the cozy confines of your home.

I know...sounds like all doom and gloom, but there is a bright note. Out of control child #1, now a mother herself, looks back on her last few years and wonders how she could have done what she did. She is becoming a very respectful, morally uplifting person, just like the type we thought we were raising. Praise be to God!

[Lindaloo]

That is terrible Steph. My nephew was shooting bottle rockets inside my sister's house not too long ago.

[Stephanie]

That is terrible Steph. My nephew was shooting bottle rockets inside my sister's house not too long ago.

I'm sure your nephew still isn't sitting comfortably!

j- you're right. I feel for parents that try and do the right thing and no matter what they do, the child is still out of control. I think I remember that post and you did the right thing by letting her go her own way and have her learn the "hard way" what life is all about. I don't think that's the case in majority of the cases though. I think alot of it has to do with parents not being involved in their kid's lives and just spoiling them rotten.

Some, however, like Marty, still subsidize their "children" until they're in their 20's - never cutting that apron string and allowing them to grow up. Marty was always up their butts as they were growing up and they would still get into "mild" trouble (no gun shooting, just stupid things like drinking underage, etc.). However, now one of them, in particular is always looking for a hand-out and never appreciates anything that his father does do for him. Marty is slowly coming around to this but I want to slap his son upside his head sometimes!

[george_r_1961]

That is terrible Steph. My nephew was shooting bottle rockets inside my sister's house not too long ago.

I'm sure your nephew still isn't sitting comfortably!

j- you're right. I feel for parents that try and do the right thing and no matter what they do, the child is still out of control. I think I remember that post and you did the right thing by letting her go her own way and have her learn the "hard way" what life is all about. I don't think that's the case in majority of the cases though. I think alot of it has to do with parents not being involved in their kid's lives and just spoiling them rotten.

Some, however, like Marty, still subsidize their "children" until they're in their 20's - never cutting that apron string and allowing them to grow up. Marty was always up their butts as they were growing up and they would still get into "mild" trouble (no gun shooting, just stupid things like drinking underage, etc.). However, now one of them, in particular is always looking for a hand-out and never appreciates anything that his father does do for him. Marty is slowly coming around to this but I want to slap his son upside his head sometimes!

Steph when I was in my 20's I had a few brushes with the law. My father eventually got tired of my antics and told me one more time and I was on my own and would recieve no more help from him whatsover. I misstepped once more..a minor charge that landed me a short stint in the graybar motel in 1995. I havent messed up since. My point being if parents keep enabling their (adult) childrens behavior, there is no incentive to tow the line.

[Janice]

You are so right George. Parents need to back teachers and other authority. When parents protect their children from responsibility, it will show up when they hit the work force. A lot of children who graduate from HS who have always had their parents take the lead in their lives will find that the outside world will not put up with their crap. There are too many kids with responsibity and they will come first for jobs. The sad thing is the parents cannot come to their aid then, it is too late. I once heard that a childs personality was formed by the age of 5. If you cannot correct or control your child by that age, you will have a lot of problems with him as he grows. And as these 5 year olds head to school, these parents will somehow think it is the responsibility of the schools to raise them.

I love this..................my children do not act that way at home (when the school has a problem with them).

[Stephanie]

That is terrible Steph. My nephew was shooting bottle rockets inside my sister's house not too long ago.

I'm sure your nephew still isn't sitting comfortably!

j- you're right. I feel for parents that try and do the right thing and no matter what they do, the child is still out of control. I think I remember that post and you did the right thing by letting her go her own way and have her learn the "hard way" what life is all about. I don't think that's the case in majority of the cases though. I think alot of it has to do with parents not being involved in their kid's lives and just spoiling them rotten.

Some, however, like Marty, still subsidize their "children" until they're in their 20's - never cutting that apron string and allowing them to grow up. Marty was always up their butts as they were growing up and they would still get into "mild" trouble (no gun shooting, just stupid things like drinking underage, etc.). However, now one of them, in particular is always looking for a hand-out and never appreciates anything that his father does do for him. Marty is slowly coming around to this but I want to slap his son upside his head sometimes!

Steph when I was in my 20's I had a few brushes with the law. My father eventually got tired of my antics and told me one more time and I was on my own and would recieve no more help from him whatsover. I misstepped once more..a minor charge that landed me a short stint in the graybar motel in 1995. I havent messed up since. My point being if parents keep enabling their (adult) childrens behavior, there is no incentive to tow the line.

I agree 100%. His middle son is the biggest problem - the other two have full time jobs (so does the middle son), but understand for the most part that they are responsible for taking care of their needs and wants. His middle son lives with Mom, makes $30,000 and never has money. He should be living like he's making $60,000. I don't know where or what he spends his money on - girlfriend, we've all thought drugs at one point or another, etc., expensive clothes or whatever. I doubt he saves any of it. I just that Marty will wake up soon.

[george_r_1961]

You are so right George. Parents need to back teachers and other authority. When parents protect their children from responsibility, it will show up when they hit the work force. A lot of children who graduate from HS who have always had their parents take the lead in their lives will find that the outside world will not put up with their crap. There are too many kids with responsibity and they will come first for jobs. The sad thing is the parents cannot come to their aid then, it is too late. I once heard that a childs personality was formed by the age of 5. If you cannot correct or control your child by that age, you will have a lot of problems with him as he grows. And as these 5 year olds head to school, these parents will somehow think it is the responsibility of the schools to raise them.

I love this..................my children do not act that way at home (when the school has a problem with them).

Worst thing a parent can say is "My kid wouldnt do that" Its a tempting world out there and even good kids make mistakes.

[Stephanie]

[quote="george_r_1961]Worst thing a parent can say is "My kid wouldnt do that" Its a tempting world out there and even good kids make mistakes.[/quote]

I think that is the BIGGEST PROBLEM with kids. Teachers and administrators are even afraid to accuse/discipline kids because of parents like these that will sue, etc. These same parents don't take responsibility for anything that they "may" do wrong and don't even try to tell them that their child is bad or misbehaving.

[furluvcats]

2 word...PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT

[wxmann_91]

Also, why isn't bullying controlled like it should be? Has anyone ever experienced this problem? I have.

So have I. There was a terrible rumor spread about me (if you called that bullying) and it took many months to clean it up.

I believe as parents you shouldn't be too permissive nor controlling. There is a very fine line between these and as a parent you need to discover it. Children will follow parents so if the parent screws up so will the child. I have to say the incidents with shootings, vandalism, that is partly the parent's fault. And it's sort of like a cycle, if the child is bad then they will likely remain bad and when they have kids the kids will be bad. If you can't handle the responsibility you might as well not have kids at all.

Good topic!