Doctor Office Funnies

[TexasStooge]

These were sent to me via e-mail:
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A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

--Dr. Mark M, San Antonio, TX



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

--Dr. Matthew T, Worcester, MA



At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient remorsefully.

--Dr. Richard B, Seattle, WA



One day, I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a woman that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

--Dr. Susan S, Manitoba, Canada