Why We Love Children

[Miss Mary]

Hi all. Don't usually post forwards/jokes but this one is pretty funny! Enjoy........hope it doesn't offend anyone.

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Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."


2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"


3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"


4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."


5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,

"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,

"Yes, and my Mom says it's a mean lady to iron."


6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"


7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

"Two plus five, that son of a mean lady is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a mean lady is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a mean lady is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."


8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy poop! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."


10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"


11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

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Mary

[Lindaloo]

ROFL!!! Those are cute!!

[timNms]

ROFLMBO!! I liked the "chicken little" one! That kinda reminds me of the 3rd grader I had once. We were in the middle of a discussion, when right out of the blue he yelled out, "My cousin killed a pig yesterday." No one said a word and I just continued teaching, hoping that by ignoring his comment, he'd get back on task. Unfortunately, he hadn't finished his story. Suddenly he yelled "And they ate the NUTS, too"!!!!

Needless to say, I couldn't teach a thing for a good 10 mins. I had an assistant that year because I had a student with cerebral palsy. She and I both cracked up!

[Miss Mary]

ROFLMBO!! I liked the "chicken little" one! That kinda reminds me of the 3rd grader I had once. We were in the middle of a discussion, when right out of the blue he yelled out, "My cousin killed a pig yesterday." No one said a word and I just continued teaching, hoping that by ignoring his comment, he'd get back on task. Unfortunately, he hadn't finished his story. Suddenly he yelled "And they ate the NUTS, too"!!!!

Needless to say, I couldn't teach a thing for a good 10 mins. I had an assistant that year because I had a student with cerebral palsy. She and I both cracked up!

LOL Tim! Hilarious story. That should be #12. Kids do blurt things out like this I'm sure. I've heard teachers know more about the child's family than we know about them. LOL Reminds me of when my niece was still learning to talk. She couldn't quite say firetruck correctly. Her dad was a former fireman and everyone in the family kept saying - what did daddy ride on to fight fires? And she'd say it. I think you get the idea of what came out. We'd all be rolling on the floor. She's almost 4 now and over that stage. Still makes us laugh, but with other cute sayings.

Mary

[weatherlover427]

Hahaha Too funny!

[Miss Mary]

Thought of one more about my niece, who's 3 and 3/4 now.

Her dad is disabled now and occasionally blurts out cuss words (the stroke did that, he never used to cuss). My youngest daughter goes over there to help out for service project hours and b/c she loves to also. The mom can get some cleaning or yardwork done while Laura's there.

One day Julie and Laura were playing with toys. In a room across the hall the dad was having trouble on the computer and he blurts out sh*t. The dialogue went as such:

Julie - ought oh Laura, Daddy just said sh*t! We're not supposed to say bad words like sh*t.

Laura - that's right Julie, we're not supposed to say bad words like that.

Julie - I know. Sh*t's a bad word!

Laura - Julie!

Julie - Mommy doesn't like me saying words like sh*t!

Laura - Julie Ann, you stop saying that word right now!

Julie - what word, you mean sh*t?

Laura - yes!

Julie - okay, I know that. I'm not supposed to say bad words like sh*t!

All told, Julie said it way more than her dad did that day. Laura said she was ready to crack up but tried her best to keep a straight face!

True story.

Mary

[JCT777]

LOL!! That list was great!

Mary & Tim - your true stories were very funny! Kids say the darndest things, you know.