Come fly with me

[Pburgh]

Subject: In flight
> All too rarely, flight attendants make an effort to
> make the in-flight
> "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more
> entertaining. Here are some
> real examples that have been heard or reported by
> passengers:
>
> On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating,
> you just sit where you
> want) passengers were apparently having a hard time
> choosing, when a flight
> attendant announced, "People, people we're not
> picking out furniture here,
> find a seat and get
> in it!"
>
> On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight
> attendant crew, the
> pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
> cruising altitude and will
> be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
> comfort and to enhance
> the appearance of your flight attendants."
>
> On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to
> take all of your
> belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
> please make sure it's
> something we'd like to have."
>
> There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there
> are only 4 ways out of
> this airplane"
>
> "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
> hope you enjoyed giving us
> the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
> ride."
>
> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
> Ronald Reagan, a lone voice
> came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>
> After a particularly rough landing during
> thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight
> attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
> take care when opening
> the overhead compartments because, after a landing
> like that, sure as hell
> everything has
> shifted."
>
> From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard
> Southwest Flight 245 to
> Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal
> tab into the buckle, and
> pull tight. It works just like every other seat
> belt; and, if you don't know
> how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
> public unsupervised."
>
> "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
> masks will
> descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
> mask, and
> pull it over your face. If you have a small child
> traveling with
> you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
> If you are
> traveling with more than one small child, pick your
> favorite."
>
> Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
> some broken
> clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we
> arrive. Thank
> you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
> more than
> Southwest Airlines."
>
> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all
> of your
> belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
> evenly
> among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
> children or
> spouses."
>
> And from the pilot during his welcome message:
> "Delta
> Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight
> attendants
> in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on
> this
> flight!"
>
> This was heard on Southwest Airlines just after a
> very hard
> landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came
> on the
> intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I
> know what y'all
> are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
> airline's
> fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
> flight
> attendant's fault. It was the asphalt."
>
> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
> perfect
> landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as
> Captain Kangaroo
> bounces us to the terminal."
>
> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular
> flight he had
> hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
> airline had a
> policy which required the first officer to stand at
> the door
> while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a
> "Thanks for
> flying our airline." He said that, in light of his
> bad landing,
> he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
> eye, thinking
> that someone would have a smart comment. Finally
> everyone had
> gotten off except for a little old lady walking with
> a cane. She
> said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
> "Why, no,
> Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old
> lady said,
> "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
>
> Part of a flight attendant's arrival
> announcement: "We'd
> like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
> And, the next
> time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
> the skies in
> a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US
> Airways."
>
> A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
> After it
> reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain
> made an
> announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and
> gentlemen, this is
> your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293,
> non-stop
> from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
> good and,
> therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
> flight. So,
> sit back and relax..................OH, MY GOD!"
> Silence
> followed. After a few minutes, the captain came back
> on the
> intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so
> sorry if I
> scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the
> flight
> attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap.
> You should
> see the front of my pants!"
> A passenger in Coach yelled out, "That's
> nothing. You should
> see the back of mine!!"

[HurricaneGirl]

Those are great! I just love airline humor.

[Stephanie]

Thanks Karan!!! Those were too funny!

[vbhoutex]

[yoda]

[depotoo]

t hose are hilarious! i do love it when they add humor to the flight - amkes it so much nicer. can't stand when you never hear from the pilot and the flight attendants give nothing but the old standard spill!