The Waiter You Stiffed Has Not Forgotten

[alicia-w]

From the New York Times:

What evil lurks in the hearts of waiters? Now you can find out. But can you stomach the results?

An anonymous New York waiter wrote online recently: "In my fantasy, I become Darth Vader the next time a customer asks about the wines by the glass, then says, 'Merlot! Waiter, haven't you seen the movie "Sideways"?' Then I will slice off his head with my light saber."

Grievances, including friction between kitchen and dining room staff, rapacious management and near-universal bitterness over tipping, are being revealed with gusto on the Internet by restaurant staff members. As a customer, to read Web sites like http://www.bitterwaitress.com, http://www.waiterrant.blogspot.com and http://www.webfoodpros.com is to wonder nervously, "Could they be talking about me?"

Each month, http://www.stainedapron.com publishes a new extreme example of customer obnoxiousness. (One forum is titled "Keep Your Brats at Home!") On bitterwaitress.com, the most popular page is an annotated database of people who give bad tips (defined on the site as "any gratuity under 17 percent for service which one's peers would judge as adequate or better"). Anyone can add a name to the database, along with the location, restaurant, amount of the check, amount of the tip and any details, most of which cannot be printed in a family newspaper. (A disclaimer reads: "We are not responsible for submissions. Uh-uh, no way, not in the least.") There are almost 700 entries.

"That stuff is childish," said Timothy Banning, a California chef who often posts to http://www.ontherail.com, a San Francisco-based site for chefs. "And it makes the industry look bad."

But most servers say that letting off steam helps them do the job. "It's so important for us to have a place to vent," said Becky Donohue, who waits on tables at Mickey Mantle's in Midtown and writes occasional posts at http://www.girlcomic.net. "It's amazing that more waiters don't kill people," she said.

Many in the industry protest that the rage-filled, often incoherent blogs and posts don't represent the feelings of most restaurant staff members, And so far only a small slice of the industry is active online. "Unlike a lot of people, chefs and waiters don't have computer access at work, or enough time to fool around on the Net," said Bryce Lindholm, a Seattle chef and manager who participates in a Yahoo discussion group for restaurant employees.

But the result of these forums, say Mr. Banning, Mr. Lindholm and others, is that the symbolic wall between the kitchen and the dining room - the wall that prevents customers from knowing what is done and said by waiters and cooks - is coming down. And how do they loathe us, the customers? Now we can count the ways.

"I don't think civilians really have any idea how the staff really feels: namely, that they just can't wait to turn the table, get their tip and see the back of you," Mr. Lindholm said. "Let's be honest."

Referring to restaurant customers as civilians is common, and indicative of the siege mentality that longtime cooks and severs tend to adopt. "I'd say waiting tables is one of the most stressful jobs you can have, short of being a firefighter or an inner-city police officer," said Bruce Griffin Henderson, a singer-songwriter who did 10 years as a waiter in New York. "You have no control over anything, but you are responsible for everything. You are always being squeezed by three immutable forces: the customer, the kitchen and the management."

But recent interviews revealed some fresh irritants for the more than eight million Americans who worked in restaurants in 2002 (the most recent year for which figures are available according to the United States Department of Labor). Waiters must now enforce bans on smoking, drinking by minors and cellphone use, and are enduring an influx of Euro-rich tourists who, restaurant staff members say, often pretend not to understand American tipping practices.

Chefs say they are being driven mad by an ever-changing spectrum of diets, allergies and food issues. Gillian Clark, the chef at Colorado Kitchen in Washington, contributed thousands of words to a forum at http://www.washingtonpost.com on the subject of customers who demand changes to the menu. "I explain to them that they are in my restaurant," she wrote, "and they must have the flounder the way I make it."

Ms. Clark is relatively tolerant of customers with genuine health problems, but many bloggers reserve their most towering rages for customers with real or imagined dietary restrictions. Last year a server at a Sizzler steakhouse in Norco, Calif., was arrested after a fight with Atkins-dieting customers over whether vegetables could be substituted for potatoes. Participants in online forums reacted with understanding, though the consensus was that Jonathan Voeltner, the server, had gone too far in following the customers and covering their house with maple syrup, flour and instant mashed potatoes. "Use the forum, dude!" one poster urged. "Blow off the steam here."

According to http://www.waitersworld.com, one Washington restaurant customer recently insisted that the restaurant's $10 minimum should be waived for him, because gastric bypass surgery had rendered him unable to swallow more than a few mouthfuls at one sitting. "So why are you in a restaurant?" wrote one cook. "WHY WHY WHY?"

These writers are immoderate in their rages, but they do not discriminate. They harbor contempt for tourists, New Yorkers, Southerners, Jews, Christians, women, men, blacks, whites, American Indians. Fat people. Thin people. "My greatest dream is to keep a party of doctors waiting for 45 minutes," Mr. Lindholm said. "They are arrogant as customers, and besides, they keep me waiting in their offices. Let them wait in my restaurant."
Serious complaints about sexism, racism, drug use, hazing and management are common, but the servers' greatest source of rage is, of course, tipping. "It's the only job where your hourly wage is totally dependent on how random people feel about you," Ms. Donohue said. "How many times have you gotten bad service at Kinko's? Do you get to dock their pay?"

The vengefulness of the posts, and the recurrence of anecdotes that involve adding foreign fluids to customers' food, from breast milk to laxatives, is enough to turn anyone who dares to enter a restaurant into a nervous, toadying wreck. Jesse Elizondo, a waiter who has worked in New York restaurants for 10 years, says that's because customers generally forget how vulnerable they are to the good will of servers. "I can never understand why anyone would be even the slightest bit rude to someone who is about to touch your food," he said.

Mr. Elizondo said he discovered the forums after a bad night at work on Restaurant Row, when he went home and typed "waiter" and "revenge" into an Internet search engine. He is amazed by the challenges that customers bring into the dining room, he said, adding: "The cellphones are a big problem for us. And you wouldn't believe how many people think they can bring their own liquor, or keep their big plastic water bottle on the table. I try to assume that people just don't know any better, but sometimes it's impossible, especially with the Europeans who act so sophisticated when it's time to order the wine but so ignorant when it's time to tip the waiter."

Online venting has become a vigorous art form for many servers, especially those who are waiting on tables to finance careers as writers or performers. "Where else can you observe human nature at its worst, night after night?" Ms. Donohue, a comedian, said. "The whole system seems to invite bad behavior."

Rima Maamari worked her way through college at a Toronto steakhouse, and said that she never intended to write about waitressing when she joined a blogging circle for writers. But, she said, "everyone was so interested in reading about the stuff going on behind a waiter's poker face" that her reports from the front became her only subject. "People feel very strongly about this stuff, and not only waiters," she said. "I got a lot of bitter e-mails from people about how they shouldn't have to tip for bad service." One customer, an ex-waiter, wrote on http://www.bitterwaitress.com, "You people should QUIT WHINING or get another job."

Aline Steiner, a customer who was working online at the East Village cafe Teany last week, said she had visited some of these sites, including http://www.shamelessrestaurants.com, a controversial New York-based site where employees post anonymously with complaints about their employers.

"I think that as long as it's anonymous, there is no validity, and no harm done," she said. "But if they really want things to change, all of these issues are going to have to come out somehow. People want to be aware of how their vegetables are grown, how their chickens are killed. They should be aware of how restaurants work."

[Guest]

All i have to say to this is......................



NO COMMENT





For my own good anyways.

[Persepone]

I worked as a waitress during college and graduate school. Luckily the management position was that a good waitress was hard to fnd, but there were plenty of customers, so the management was quick to back up their employees.

But I have a lot of sympathy for waiters/waitresses. First, I understand that they are taxed on the tips they should get--not what they actually get--and the government estimates are such that frequently you don't get the tips they think you should. HUGE problem in some establishments. Think about that before you stiff a waiter/waitress.

Second, I do not tolerate the rude behavior on the part of my friends, etc. and do understand why you tip on "seat occupancy" rather than percentage if you are with one of those idiots who wants to eat practically nothing when the assumption is that they are eating dinner (which is why restaurants should have minimums) and who want to sit there for 3 hours during peak hours, etc....

And my grandchildren are well-behaved in restaurants. They have been taught from infancy. And they really do go in, sit face forward, do not play with catsup, sugar, utensils, etc. They do not stand up or annoy people behind them or at nearby tables, they are quiet, are ready with their orders, etc. And they have good table manners, don't spill things, make messes, etc. It's not too much to teach children--and the benefit is that everyone enjoys the experience.

In short, I think if you order off the menu, don't ask for substitutions, are quiet and polite and don't behave in obnoxious ways (e.g., using your cellphone), and your children are quiet, polite, well mannered and well behaved, and you tip appropriately, you get excellent service and do not get your name in the blogs. In fact, we have restaurants we go to fairly regularly, and we find the waitstaff seems genuinely happy to see us and we get excellent service.

I know that when people see us coming with 5 kids, they probably say to themselves, ohmigod, what did I do to deserve this, but once they see that they are dealing with quiet, well-behaved children who genuinely do not annoy others, etc. and who do not cry and whine, they are pleasantly surprised. We've actually had a bunch of waiters/waitresses tell us this.

As an aside, even though we could, we usually do not feed the older children (older than 7) off the children's menu, but let them order from the regular menu. Part of that has to do with better, healthier choices off the adult menu, part has to do with their preferences and appetites, but also it means that a percentage tip is more "fair" to the waitress. If you go in and order a bunch of children's menu items, the check is much lower than it would be with a "normal" party of adults and fewer children. So if the kids do all eat off a children's menu, you should probably consider a larger tip because the waitress has the same amount of work (if not more) for a smaller restaurant check.

And yes the restaurant has a point: you are eating in my restaurant, you are eating it cooked my way. And no, generally substitutions are not appropriate. It is sort of like going to eat at someone's house. You don't tell them what to cook or how to cook it. Usually you can order a la carte or order something as a side. But no, trying to "change" the menu is not appropriate.

[Guest]

I worked as a waitress during college and graduate school. Luckily the management position was that a good waitress was hard to fnd, but there were plenty of customers, so the management was quick to back up their employees.

But I have a lot of sympathy for waiters/waitresses. First, I understand that they are taxed on the tips they should get--not what they actually get--and the government estimates are such that frequently you don't get the tips they think you should. HUGE problem in some establishments. Think about that before you stiff a waiter/waitress.

Second, I do not tolerate the rude behavior on the part of my friends, etc. and do understand why you tip on "seat occupancy" rather than percentage if you are with one of those idiots who wants to eat practically nothing when the assumption is that they are eating dinner (which is why restaurants should have minimums) and who want to sit there for 3 hours during peak hours, etc....

And my grandchildren are well-behaved in restaurants. They have been taught from infancy. And they really do go in, sit face forward, do not play with catsup, sugar, utensils, etc. They do not stand up or annoy people behind them or at nearby tables, they are quiet, are ready with their orders, etc. And they have good table manners, don't spill things, make messes, etc. It's not too much to teach children--and the benefit is that everyone enjoys the experience.

In short, I think if you order off the menu, don't ask for substitutions, are quiet and polite and don't behave in obnoxious ways (e.g., using your cellphone), and your children are quiet, polite, well mannered and well behaved, and you tip appropriately, you get excellent service and do not get your name in the blogs. In fact, we have restaurants we go to fairly regularly, and we find the waitstaff seems genuinely happy to see us and we get excellent service.

I know that when people see us coming with 5 kids, they probably say to themselves, ohmigod, what did I do to deserve this, but once they see that they are dealing with quiet, well-behaved children who genuinely do not annoy others, etc. and who do not cry and whine, they are pleasantly surprised. We've actually had a bunch of waiters/waitresses tell us this.

As an aside, even though we could, we usually do not feed the older children (older than 7) off the children's menu, but let them order from the regular menu. Part of that has to do with better, healthier choices off the adult menu, part has to do with their preferences and appetites, but also it means that a percentage tip is more "fair" to the waitress. If you go in and order a bunch of children's menu items, the check is much lower than it would be with a "normal" party of adults and fewer children. So if the kids do all eat off a children's menu, you should probably consider a larger tip because the waitress has the same amount of work (if not more) for a smaller restaurant check.

And yes the restaurant has a point: you are eating in my restaurant, you are eating it cooked my way. And no, generally substitutions are not appropriate. It is sort of like going to eat at someone's house. You don't tell them what to cook or how to cook it. Usually you can order a la carte or order something as a side. But no, trying to "change" the menu is not appropriate.

WoW. Very well said! Nothing and i MEAN NOTHING is more agrivating then people who come in with thier kids and let them do whatever they feel like! And worse yet is those who do that and stiff you on the tip. And right behind that would be those who ask for variations of whats NOT on the menu. Allthough i do usually do it anyways if the stuff to make it is there. Just a royal pain in the behind especially if its during peak hours.

And yes i have done it all. Mainly cooking and running the back end of the house though. I have been fortunate enough to work in a couple of places where i had great co-workers/owners which has allowed me to go and get familure with the customers by going and waiting on them. I think that is something all Chef's/Cook's should be encouraged to do when the time allows for it.