MAJOR RED FLAGS raised regarding my "date" tomorro

[Josephine96]

Thank you Duck..

The "rumors" are that she's married.. If that's indeed the case.. I will be a little hurt because I really do like her.. But I will also just take it with a grain of salt and move on..

Doesn't sound too hard.. I'll just ask her tomorrow.. {while we're deep in conversation of course} about what her "status" is.. lol.. But.. we'll see what happens..

I don't wanna make the "date" feel awkward for any of us.. so I'll just play it carefully..

[Miss Mary]

Well, eons ago my first marriage ended b/c the ex had an affair, with a coworker. She knew he was married too. Didn't care one bit. Thank goodness we didn't have kids. For a while, I blamed her but the blame was clearly on the ex - he knew better. So that said, if I were in your position John, I'd ask. Before the date. Then if she is married, I'd cancel it. Remember, separated still means married. I've known many separated couples that get back together, leaving a third party very hurt. I'd still stay out of it, if she says they're apart.

Just my opinion. After my experience (happy now though!) I have zero patience with infidelity. Zilch.

Mary

[rainstorm]

I really didn't want to ask on the 1st date.. But I have to agree.. it sounds like I'd better..

The rumors have me wondering..

1 of the girls even spiced it up a little and says.. I should ask like.. "Theresa,I have been hearing a lot of rumors the last few days, I would like to ask ya something.. I would like to know whether you're seeing anybody" and if she's not.. don't be afraid to tell her how I feel about her..

really really bad move. if she is single then you have just admitted there are rumors going around about her and you have admitted you listen to them. BAD MOVE!!. she will not appreciate that. and even if she is married, so what? maybe she is separated, maybe she just likes you, maybe, maybe, maybe.
let me repeat!! do not blow it telling her about rumors

[Josephine96]

{will not say a word about rumors.. will not say a word about rumors.. I am not possibly that stupid}

[Josephine96]

<<<wants everyone to remember how much I've been hearing since shortly after Theresa came into the store and gave me that embrace yesterday on her day off lol..

I listen to the rumors.. But am trying SO HARD to have them go in 1 ear and out the other.. I am NOT STUPID ENOUGH to blow any chance I may have by mentioning the rumors.. That would be completely idiotic

[Guest]

We really hate to confuse you John, but both sides (ask vs don't ask) have good points.

Feel free to get huffy with me , but maybe think about doing something in between asking flat out if she is going with someone else and just not bringing the subject either.

Rainstorm does have a point which does have some branches. If you get concerned about it (you don't need to flat out mention it; just somewhat going "that way" will count), it may tell her "well, John is a nice guy and everything, but he is too nervous." That may dampen any possible serious relationships as well.

Good point also, Rainstorm!

You'll be okay ( I am not saying she will go "John, you busy Saturday night", but the possibilities are endless) if you use some common sense. Just let the conversation flow while on the "date". It's alright to be nervous, but do NOT show it.

[rainstorm]

We really hate to confuse you John, but both sides (ask vs don't ask) have good points.

Feel free to get huffy with me , but maybe think about doing something in between asking flat out if she is going with someone else and just not bringing the subject either.

Rainstorm does have a point which does have some branches. If you get concerned about it (you don't need to flat out mention it; just somewhat going "that way" will count), it may tell her "well, John is a nice guy and everything, but he is too nervous." That may dampen any possible serious relationships as well.

Good point also, Rainstorm!

thanks

You'll be okay ( I am not saying she will go "John, you busy Saturday night", but the possibilities are endless) if you use some common sense. Just let the conversation flow while on the "date". It's alright to be nervous, but do NOT show it.

[Guest]

We really hate to confuse you John, but both sides (ask vs don't ask) have good points.

Feel free to get huffy with me , but maybe think about doing something in between asking flat out if she is going with someone else and just not bringing the subject either.

Rainstorm does have a point which does have some branches. If you get concerned about it (you don't need to flat out mention it; just somewhat going "that way" will count), it may tell her "well, John is a nice guy and everything, but he is too nervous." That may dampen any possible serious relationships as well.

Good point also, Rainstorm!

thanks

You'll be okay ( I am not saying she will go "John, you busy Saturday night", but the possibilities are endless) if you use some common sense. Just let the conversation flow while on the "date". It's alright to be nervous, but do NOT show it.

I think you said "thanks" there. It got in the quote brackets! Your welcome!

[Josephine96]

Something in between not even asking.. or asking flat out lol.. I wonder what's between those lol..

I wonder what the rumor mill will be like tomorrow.. but I know.. DO NOT MENTION THE RUMORS AND DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE RUMORS..

Also.. the nervous/passive thing.. may be why I didn't get the last girl I was interested in.. {see the "great day today" thread for that}..

I've been bold this time.. I was bold telling her that I wanted to treat her to lunch.. bold when I asked her when.. and now I feel like I'm about to clam up lol

[Pebbles]

I have to say DON"T ask her if she's married on a first date! Period. You can find out this sort of information in a round about way either during the date or soon after the date. Cause if she's single she will look at you wierd if you ask. If she is it probably will come out.

I personally can not see someone in a stable marriage not letting you know somehow if you 2 are going out to lunch. Most nice girls will let it drop in one way or another. If several people state she is married later (after 1st date) you can figure out how to deal with it then. It doesn't seem like you know this girl well so the first date is 'getting to know you' time anyways in a friendship way.

Hoping everything works out ok hun. First date jitters are probably not helping in this situation either. *SNUGS* hang in there! It will play out one way or another.

Christine
I smile because i have no idea what's going on!
2005 guess: 15/10/6
<----- Feel free to Rub the cute LUCKY Pebbles belly!

[Skywatch_NC]

John,

Is life at Wal-Mart more of an adventure than you bargained for or what??

Eric

[Lindaloo]

Some of us go to work, to work!

[Guest]

Some of us go to work, to work!

Right on, Linda! I find it hard to say this, but I have a work ethic that is very high: If a female co-worker would ever give me a hint that she wanted to go out, Iwould say NO WAY!

[GalvestonDuck]

Are people who work at Wal-Mart called Wal-Martians?

[Josephine96]

LOL about the Wal Martians.. I go to work.. to work as well.. lol.. But this is just a recent bump in the road you could say lol..

Oh well.. Theresa comes in @ 1 today.. so we'll see what happens..

No nerves.. just enjoy the day

[Josephine96]

and btw.. My work ethic is still very high too lol

[Miss Mary]

Some of us go to work, to work!

Well, Linda had the guts to say what I wanted to! Thanks Lindaloowho....had to say that.

While I do not work at the present time, I put my time in years ago. I went to work, to work. There were a few romances that popped up, with dire consequences. Blow-ups at work, tears (girls!), once a pregnancy and the father didn't marry her. He's married now with children with his wife. At our work reunions we always wondered what happened to the single mom, raising this child all alone.

And then, well, you have to remember my personal story with the ex.

I'll be working again soon and I will go to work, to just work. Period!

Thanks Linda......

John, for what it's worth, probably 1 cent, I still think you need to politely and discreetly ask her what her marital status is. Don't even mention rumors. Let her do the talking. Rumors do not start without something to go on.

Mary

[Guest]

Well, if I remember, it is 5pm ET, and the "date" is on.

[Lindaloo]

(((HUGS))) Miss Mary!