Things You Won't See On Hallmark Cards

[sunny]

OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the heck was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so darn ugly.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

[The Big Dog]

Or they could be gearing up for the Shoebox "I Hate You" collection.

[streetsoldier]

Outside: "When I think of you, I BREAK OUT!"
Inside: "But they always put me back in again..."

[Persepone]

AND ONE WE ACTUALLY DID SEE (AND BUY)

OUTSIDE: God Loves You
INSIDE: The rest of us think you are an a**hole!

[Swimdude]

WOW. I bet one of those little carts at the mall could supply those... Whew, think of all the stalking that would occur, all the relationships messed up. Yikes.

[Guest]

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

That's my motto!