Q. How are men like parking spaces?
A. The good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped.
Q. What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
A. Gifted.
Q. Why do woman fake orgasms?
A. Because men fake foreplay!
Q. How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A. Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home.
'Twas the Night Before Christmas--A Woman's Point of View
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southerngale
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- Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2002 1:27 am
- Location: Southeast Texas (Beaumont area)
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Stephanie
- S2K Supporter
- Posts: 23843
- Age: 63
- Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 9:53 am
- Location: Glassboro, NJ
Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Men are proof of reincarnation.
You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.
Nobody can call him a quitter.
He always gets fired.
Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
Why do male bosses have such poor grammar?
Because they end every sentence with a proposition.
Why don't men cook at home?
No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.
Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!"
Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"
Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him.
Behind every great man is a puzzled woman.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?
He starts bathing twice a week.
He keeps a record of everything he eats.
It's called a tie.
What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
High School.
Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
We try to keep him out of the kitchen.
Last time he cooked he burned the salad.
Why don't men eat between meals.
There *IS* no "between" meals.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?
One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.
How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle.
How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Why don't men do laundry?
Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Why are men the best basket players?
...play with balls... dribbleribble... dunk. Need I say more?
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared friage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Men are proof of reincarnation.
You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.
Nobody can call him a quitter.
He always gets fired.
Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
Why do male bosses have such poor grammar?
Because they end every sentence with a proposition.
Why don't men cook at home?
No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.
Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!"
Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"
Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him.
Behind every great man is a puzzled woman.
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?
He starts bathing twice a week.
He keeps a record of everything he eats.
It's called a tie.
What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
High School.
Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
We try to keep him out of the kitchen.
Last time he cooked he burned the salad.
Why don't men eat between meals.
There *IS* no "between" meals.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?
One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.
How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle.
How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Why don't men do laundry?
Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Why are men the best basket players?
...play with balls... dribbleribble... dunk. Need I say more?
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared friage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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southerngale
- Retired Staff
- Posts: 27418
- Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2002 1:27 am
- Location: Southeast Texas (Beaumont area)
j wrote:Lindaloo wrote:Good thing J... you would never survive that war either.LOL!!!
Which brings us to another point.
Is it possible, for a man to be sexually harassed? Now I'm not talking about the textbook version here.
No, it's not!! I swear he lied!! And the judge let me off anyway!!!!
whoops.....
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my Cowboys my Rockets my Astros-
southerngale
- Retired Staff
- Posts: 27418
- Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2002 1:27 am
- Location: Southeast Texas (Beaumont area)
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and a mature man?
A. Big Foot's been sighted.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the weenies off the smart ones.
Q. Why are men like commercials?
A. You can't believe a word they say.
Q. Why are men like popcorn?
A. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Q. Why are men like blenders?
A. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
A. Big Foot's been sighted.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the weenies off the smart ones.
Q. Why are men like commercials?
A. You can't believe a word they say.
Q. Why are men like popcorn?
A. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Q. Why are men like blenders?
A. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
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Please support Storm2k by making a donation today. It is greatly appreciated! Click here:
my Cowboys my Rockets my Astros
my Cowboys my Rockets my Astros-
southerngale
- Retired Staff
- Posts: 27418
- Joined: Thu Oct 10, 2002 1:27 am
- Location: Southeast Texas (Beaumont area)
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