'Idol' paddling in reverse By Edna Gundersen, USA TODAY
Tue May 10, 6:21 AM ET
Scientific theory and reality TV don't always correlate. Consider Darwin, whose hypothesis can't explain why Paula Abdul claps like a trained seal. Nor does it fit the evolutionary arc of American Idol (Tuesday on Fox, 8 ET/PT). After 11 weeks of witnessing contestants undergo a fine-tuned, and frequently off-tune, elimination process, we should be left this week with the four fittest finalists.
But no. For the first time in the show's four-year history, castoffs could make a better album than the survivors. Imagine a compilation CD with highlights by Idol rejects Nadia Turner, Nikko Smith and Anwar Robinson, plus mysterious deserter Mario Vasquez, singers capable of making music with a little snap and soul and sophistication. Instead, voters likely will anoint a generic rocker or a country marionette. Perhaps quantum theory applies. Idol has taken a quantum leap back to audition-level mediocrity.
Carrie Underwood
Carrie whipped up a little sex-kitten sass for Elvis' Trouble, but when she tackled Rascal Flatts' sappy ballad The Broken Road, the familiar banality resurfaced. Based on vocal quality alone, she rates highest. And if a personality bypass operation is reversible, maybe there's hope for eventual charisma. Short of a total fuse-blowing robotic crash, she's the likeliest to win. Simon predicted not only Carrie's victory but a sales run that would eclipse earlier Idols. Maybe he's plotting a duets package with Usher or 50 Cent.
Bo Bice
He's in good standing after sleepy but passable covers of Stand By Me and Los Lonely Boys' Heaven. The Idol judges seem to believe Bo qualifies as a bona fide modern rocker, which suggests they haven't watched MTV2, read Mojo or talked to a college student since the Allman Brothers were on the charts. Bo has a serviceable voice and might survive on the Southern bar-band circuit but throw him on the bill of the Ozzfest or Warped tours, and he's mosh-pit chum.
Vonzell Solomon
After weeks of steady improvement, Vonzell stumbled badly last week with a messy Treat Me Nice and her politically sly but vocally weak version of the Idols single, When You Tell Me That You Love Me, a forgettable ballad that she made memorable only with her shaky and shrieky treatment. Vonzell has a bubbly personality and a fine voice, when she can control it. But she can't match the pipes of past winners Kelly Clarkson or Fantasia. She's vulnerable this week.
Anthony Federov
It's a miracle that his tuneless Poison Ivy didn't get him scratched from the contest. And he didn't rebound with his tepid take on the Backstreet Boys' cheese ball Incomplete, which sounded very incomplete as a lone colorless vocal. Anthony needs another smash like I Surrender or he'll be surrendering to also-ran status Wednesday night.
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